Yet another fecking gift experience that is useless

[Jaggypinecone]

I am utterly sick of these. I know they are well intentioned but I have never used any yet as they are too far away or just not our thing.

I'd hoped to avoid this happening again by 'having the conversation' with the person who usually buys me one for Xmas but it arrived early as he can't make it home for Xmas this year.

When you think about it, it's basically telling someone how you think they should spend their time. Time is the most precious gift of all and I don't want to spend mine shoehorning an afternoon tea for two at some shitty hotel or a fecking segway trip into my already busy schedule. It was bought down in London so is London centric. Given I live in the Scottish Highlands the nearest thing is in Edinburgh - sigh!

Straight to charity shop. And I'll need to 'have the conversation' well before xmas time next year. Any advice on how best to word this?

Could you regift it?

It will cost op more to use it than not

i only get these for someone who specifically mentions or asks for it

can you sell ot on ebay or if you do want it to stop just say thanks but i really havent got the money to travel do you ant to giv eit to someone else instead

Not ungrateful in the slightest - it's the kind of thing that's designed to seem like a really considered, thoughtful present, but which, in fact, is nothing of the sort.

If you were an avid reader and somebody gave you a beautifully-bound multi-volume hardback set of works by your favourite authors - but they were a foreign edition and all in Icelandic - would people be telling you how ungrateful you were not to be thrilled with them "because they're beautiful, expensive and you love reading" ?

As PPs have said, if it's local to you and something they know you'll love, that's a brilliant gift; but if you'd have to maybe use up annual leave and spend a lot on travelling and accommodation (also considering that you might have kids who would need to be entertained/paid extra for/be found childcare for) - all for something that doesn't really interest you in the first place - it's nothing short of a white elephant.

The gift experience people are quite willing to change them. I bought a friend and his wife a race car day experience that in the end they couldn't go to because he broke his leg but they were able to swap it for some other experience.

@blue25

Surely you don’t spend all year in the Scottish Highlands.

Why not, don’t most people spend all year where they live?

I think a lot of people don’t get how big Scotland is. Not just people in E&W but people who have lived most of their lives in the central belt too. We have low population density (about 6m vs 65m in E&W), but over a very large area. The Highlands alone are about the size of Holland.

I also live in the Highlands and gifts like this are a pain in the arse. A trip to the central belt (Glasgow, Edinburgh) is tricky. Low population density massively impacts on the frequency and variety of transport options.

Driving to either is in excess of 4 hours (one direction) on a good day but as much of the route is not dualled, travelling time is extremely unpredictable. As it will be over 8 hours (exhausting, single lanes, country roads, notoriously dangerous) driving, an overnight stay is pretty much necessary. I might take the train instead, but again, unless I want a day that starts at 4.30am, I will most likely end up with an overnight stay. So someone’s “thoughtful” gift might cost me £80 in fuel, or £100 on the train, plus £150 for an overnight stay somewhere local to the “experience”. And if we were to go as a whole family, I might end up spending something similar to the cost of a week in the sun...

When you chuck in trying to work this out with kids, childcare, work, various activities we all have locally at the weekends, it’s really not a great gift. If I go to the effort of arranging a trip south, it’s for something we choose, at a time and location of our choosing. Not shoehorned around something someone else selected with an arbitrary expiry date.

@Jaggypinecone I don’t blame you in the slightest. Perhaps just say, “thanks for the gift, we’ve enjoyed these in the past although found them tricky to use from our location...it looks like it might just be too tricky to make use of this at this time and wonder if you know anyone else who could make use of it?” Then hopefully they’ll get the message and stop.

I'm with you OP - we were given several of these when DS was a baby as people thought we'd be keen to get away from baby for a few hours, which we just weren't, I couldn't have been less interested in going on a brewery tour or having a golf lesson at that point in my life.

OP has your friend never asked how you enjoyed doing the experience?
But anyway, I'd just say that you are dialling back with presents and are trying to go low-cost/low-impact/enviromental/local etc and give him some examples of the sort of thing you would appreciate in future.

Sounds like your friend is getting more happiness from giving people gifts than people are receiving the gifts.

I’ve worded that clumsily but I have a friend who loves buying things and giving gifts and being generous even though although they are nice gifts, I have no room and I feel bad that I can’t spend as much to reciprocate. She benefits more from it than it that me.

I find it depressing that for gifts like this the giver doesn't have a clue about the geography of where their recipient lives. I would have at least reasearched and realised that a 50 mile round trip for afternoon tea is not going to be practical.

I'm guessing that, in many occasions like this, the giver probably lives in or near a major city and it doesn't even cross their minds that not everybody does.

They see that there are 550 choices 'across the UK' (never mind the fact that many of them will hold no interest for the recipient whatsoever and most will be clustered around the south east), maybe 'thoughtfully' check in advance that they have some 'in Scotland', think "that's perfect!" because the recipient lives 'in Scotland' and then go ahead.

Never mind that the recipient lives in Melrose and the experiences are afternoon whisky-tasting in Portree or a 'back-to-basics' cave-dwelling workshop near Skara Brae.

@cdtaylornats yes, but there would have to be something else local to @Jaggypinecone wouldn’t there? And that’s usually the problem. Where I am in the Highlands it’s not even worth joining Historic Scotland!*

*Not that I want to give the impression there’s nothing to do -there’s loads but it’s largely independent events and activities, not the big organisations that offer things through red letter days, groupon, itison etc etc...

@Jaggypinecone

I know some people have been harsh and you do sound a BIT ungrateful, but I think it's frustration coming out more than anything else.

I feel this way too. I dread having an ''experience' bought for me. I only really enjoyed 2 and those were what DH got me - a balloon flight and a microlite flight. But I wanted them, and he knew I did.

My DC were talking about getting their dad (my DH) tickets for some show, in a city that is 6 hour round-trip for us, for his birthday, costing £110. (She was going to get 2 so I could go with him.) I had to say, (as nicely as I could...) 'he won't like it, and the money will be wasted.' She just gave him a High Street voucher for £75 which was much better as he could spend on some things he really wanted.

Another thing is - as well as the time involved - is the cost of transport, and staying somewhere overnight if it's too far in the evening/night to come back.

Also, a 'segway experience?' What a shitty gift. Wouldn't like that at all. Is that an actual experience? I definitely wouldn't be doing that. And spa days. Ewwww.. No thanks! Can't think of anything worse!

Of course you are not being ungrateful op.

A gift isn't a gift if it's going to cost you a fortune to use!

Some people get these things without reading all the restrictions on them like midweek only, term time only etc. Never mind travelling distance.
A relative was given an 'afternoon tea' one it was 2 hours away. She was 85 an no longer had a car!

I wouldn't spend hrs driving and forking out £££ on petrol and meals for an experience someone thought I should do. I can't afford to and would never expect someone else to have to pay out for their own gift.

*Better than endless shower gels and bath bombs'
Not if you can't use it it's not! It's not a gift it's just a bit of expensive paper.

Sounds like your friend is getting more happiness from giving people gifts than people are receiving the gifts.

I think you've got it dead-on there. Sometimes, it's not even just personal happiness they get but the yearning for acclaim and to show off to everybody how generous they are. "Yes, I mean, who wouldn't enjoy an all-expenses-paid trip to see a big West-End production, with afternoon tea at Claridge's beforehand? I know it's a lot of money, but, well it is Christmas!!! " Yep, all-expenses paid once you've used up some precious annual leave, paid the same again to travel there and for accommodation and childcare for a show that only mildly interests you....

It can be like a low-level version of when very rich people want to contribute towards a new hospital wing and have it named after them, but if you asked them to pledge to fund ten years' supply of unglamorous but essential supplies such as catheters, drip stands, surgical gloves and oxygen cylinders, they'd suddenly lose interest.

A burden Jesus , you think getting an experience gift is a burden ?

Give to someone else ? And yes you are very ungrateful

You sound ungrateful as fuck!

Ungrateful that to use a gift, such as afternoon tea, you have to go to the expense of travelling for hours? Have you ever lived in the highlands?

This type of gift isn’t well thought out. It isn’t something the giver spent hours over then chose carefully. He went on the Internet and clicked a button. OP is supposed to be grateful for that? Thoughtful would be to do the research and find somewhere close by that does afternoon tea, or pick something he knows the OP loves.

I’m amazed at the thought that someone is supposed to be so grateful no matter what the gift. It isn’t always the thought that counts. A gift shouldn’t inconvenience someone.

OP, it’s that time when local schools are looking for raffle prizes for Christmas fares. An experience day voucher would be perfect for them.

My in laws bought us one of these every single year, maybe for the past 4 or 5 years. I’ve never used one. I don’t have the time with 3 kids and nobody to babysit! One was a spa day with dinner and treatment and cost £129! I was trying to swap it for something to do with the kids but because it was bought on a deal, they couldn’t do that. Lots of money wasted. We’ve also had the afternoon tea and Segway experience. Unused again. It’s always ‘for two’ so not something I can use. Hopefully when their son moves out soon, I won’t get them anymore as I always feel guilty that they waste their money.
Those experience companies must make a fortune from those vouchers not being used.

Give to someone else ? And yes you are very ungrateful

Why is it ungrateful to be given - as if it's a great present for you - a job to pass on a wholly impractical and unsuitable gift to a third party?

Reminds me of the episode of the Simpsons where Homer gives Marge a 'gift' of a custom-made bowling ball that he's had specially cut to fit the size of his own fingers and has had 'Homer' engraved on it. She was an ungrateful cow, eh....?

Absolutely @flouncyfanny. I think @maddy68 might be one of those people who buy these useless gifts.

And just to illustrate what a scam they are (companies making money on unredeemed gifts), the one time I got one of those that could actually be used locally, the gifter didn’t know I was pregnant. The experience could not be used throughout pregnancy, and I was very unlikely to be able to make use it it early in the post partum period. Phoned the company to let them know to see if the expiry date could be extended -nope. Not prepared to move an inch despite completely agreeing that I would not be able to use it. This was totally fine with them .

Op can you tell the person that you have used all the experiences you want to now, thanks so not to buy them in future?

Give to someone else ? And yes you are very ungrateful

Do you give presents to people you know will be useless to them and expect them to give 'their' gift to someone else? That's pretty screwed up gift giving right there.

I give gifts that have had a lot of thought put into them. They are for that particular person not some random crap they will never use and have to pass on. That's not exactly giving a person a gift it's telling them you don't give two if they keep it or not. Basically you are giving someone random person a gift and you are actually giving your friend/relative nothing.

Not wanting to spend £££ of your own money on someone else's idea of an 'experience' you must do but dont have the slightest interest in is not being ungrateful. It's common sense.

Yep, lazy gift-giving. I get similarly exasperated by my sister-in-law buying me vouchers for places where I never shop, when I've spent time carefully choosing and wrapping presents for each of her four children.