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Original poster

Yet another fecking gift experience that is useless

259 replies

Jaggypinecone · 19/10/2019 11:27

I am utterly sick of these. I know they are well intentioned but I have never used any yet as they are too far away or just not our thing.

I'd hoped to avoid this happening again by 'having the conversation' with the person who usually buys me one for Xmas but it arrived early as he can't make it home for Xmas this year.

When you think about it, it's basically telling someone how you think they should spend their time. Time is the most precious gift of all and I don't want to spend mine shoehorning an afternoon tea for two at some shitty hotel or a fecking segway trip into my already busy schedule. It was bought down in London so is London centric. Given I live in the Scottish Highlands the nearest thing is in Edinburgh - sigh!

Straight to charity shop. And I'll need to 'have the conversation' well before xmas time next year. Any advice on how best to word this?

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 19/10/2019 12:07

I got a fancy spa experience once, for one. My idea of hell is a spa day, extra torture for pissing the devil off - going on my own. I don't even blow dry my hair so why would someone who knows me think I'd find a spa fun.

Have the conversation, next year set up an Amazon wish list and send it out in early October.

katseyes7 · 19/10/2019 12:07

My best friend and her partner were given a beekeeping experience day by his sister. My friend was thrilled to ribbons with it! She loves her garden, has 'bee hotels' there, and they had a fantastic day.
However. The location was about half an hour's drive from their house. lt's totally their kind of thing.
But if you lived somewhere where you had to pay for travel, accommodation and the like, and it's not really your 'thing' it's not being ungrateful, it's just an unnecessary expense (especially if you're not financially well off). My cousin once very kindly sent me a voucher for a very well known fish & chip shop in Whitby, which we'd planned to go to anyway. Unfortunately due to illness and travel constraints (school holidays etc) we weren't able to use it. Before it expired l donated it to my friend's animal rescue for her to raffle to raise funds.
l agree that if it's your kind of thing, and something you'd really want to do, it's a lovely gift. But sometimes it just doesn't work and a bottle of wine or something else that's your favourite is better.

SistersOfPercy · 19/10/2019 12:08

The kids bought DH a skydiving experience for Fathers Day. It was in the same town as DD lives so not a stretch to enjoy it whilst we were visiting. He absolutely loved it and was annoyingly good at it.

DS has bought him a stunt driver experience for his birthday, this one will involve a bit of travel but it's something he's really looking forward to.

A case of know your audience I think.

SoupDragon · 19/10/2019 12:08

"Thanks for sending me xxx. Unfortunately I won't be able to use it, and wondered if you'd like me to return it, so someone else can get the pleasure of it."

This.

Glitterypumkin · 19/10/2019 12:13

You don’t sound ungrateful op, I can understand your frustration.
This is why I say to people wanting to have “the conversation “, do it sooner rather than later as many people start their shopping early.
Also another tip if you are having the chat is not to make it a negotiation ie what do you think about not buying gifts.
Make it clear that you are stopping altogether

krustykittens · 19/10/2019 12:14

Yes, I think you should return it to the giver too, OP, and give them the bloody hint. I thought it was good manners not to give someone a gift that cost them money? It's a long way from the Highlands to Edinburgh and costs a lot in terms of fuel. Also, to the people ho berate the OP for not travelling about - some of us have lifestyles that make travelling about a nightmare. We live in on a smallholding with lots of animals, an hour's journey from Edinburgh. While the Big Smoke may not be that far away, we need to get cover in for all the animals if we want to go out for the day. We can't just lock up and walk off. Also, it is not ungrateful to point out to someone that they have given you a gift you cannot use, saves them wasting their money twice. If they do it twice, it is not ungrateful to grumble about it!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/10/2019 12:16

I don't think you sound ungrateful.

When I give gifts, I like to give gifts that people will appreciate and enjoy. Why would you give a gift to someone knowing they wouldn't like it? It's thoughtless!

I personally love an afternoon tea and a spa day but I wouldn't buy it for someone if it wasn't their thing.

MilkGoatee · 19/10/2019 12:20

@blue25
Technically, I don't live in the Highlands (anymore), however, a trip to Edinburgh is 180 miles one way for me. On a Monday evening that is 3 hours, on a Tuesday morning more likely 4. So that's a trip that cannot be done in one day up and down (by car), not really, so would require an overnight stay. By train it could be done in one day, if the event started after 10 o'clock and finished before 4 so I could get a decent train back (return first classs about £120, second class about £65).

If it wasn't for work I wouldn't be coming to the Central Belt at all, why would I with all the costs that this entails?

HeyNotInMyName · 19/10/2019 12:21

YANBU, seeing where you live and where the experiences are, it would wrong to assume you are happy to give a weekend, pay for the travel and accomodation that goes with it and organise childcare for two days for an experience you aren’t that keen about...

Yes I would try and exchange it (maybe you can find somewhere closer to home that would enjoy?). Otherwise, a message like the one proposed by PP is a good one. Or giving it away to someone you know would enjoy it (friends in england??)

ShippingNews · 19/10/2019 12:22

I've read that the companies which sell these experiences actually make a fortune, because most of the recipients never use them. So you're not the only person to think they are useless.

Bluerussian · 19/10/2019 12:23

We all receive useless gifts or things we really don't want. That's life. I've always tried to find things that I believe a person would like - I'm sure I get it wrong sometimes. At times a gift will be give and the recipient already has two!

If you donate to a charity shop, make sure it isn't in the same vicinity as the person who gave.

Bluerussian · 19/10/2019 12:24

end of first para -should be 'given', not 'give'.

handbagsatdawn33 · 19/10/2019 12:26

DH bought me a "Virgin Experience" gift, and I decided to use it on a weekend away for the 2 of us.
All hotels we tried were "full", but checking independently they had vacancies.
I tried booking before mentioning Virgin, but was given various excuses.
One hotel was more helpful than the others. I was told I was only likely to get a booking anywhere mid-week & mid-winter. This person said they were leaving the scheme, as some Virgin guests realised they could have got the room more cheaply if they went direct, & there was an unpleasant scene.
I ended up buying over-priced wine just to use the certificate.

TheMustressMhor · 19/10/2019 12:29

I'm with you on this one, OP.

I live in a rural area in the West Coast of Scotland and getting to a big city just to have afternoon tea at a posh hotel would be such a hassle that it just wouldn't be worth the effort.

Then I would have to drive back for three hours.

No thanks.

LouiseLouisa87 · 19/10/2019 12:34

Better than endless shower gels and bath bombs Hmm

Butterflycookie · 19/10/2019 12:35

I’ll have the afternoon tea voucher if you don’t want it. I’ve always wanted to go. I can get to London very easily Smile.

Original poster
Jaggypinecone · 19/10/2019 12:39

So to flip it a bit, how would you feel if you’d been buying the same gift for the last few years thinking it was great only to be eventually told that it was useless and had been given away each time? This friend just loves Xmas and all it entails and I don’t want to hurt his feelings but on the other hand I can’t continue with this - it’s just so wasteful!

OP posts:
Fuckoffmice · 19/10/2019 12:42

I don’t actually think YABU. Like a previous poster said, it’s very much know your audience.

I received a generic afternoon tea one from my mum for Christmas not long before DC1 was due so it wouldn’t have been used so I don’t know what she was thinking. Unless she thought we’d book it and let her babysit for the day (never going to happen).

If you know that person definitely would be into the driver experience or beekeeping then go for it but I’d rather not receive anything. I’d hate for someone to waste their money.

PancakeAndKeith · 19/10/2019 12:43

What I don’t understand is why this person has given you your Xmas gift already.
Given that it is at best a box with a piece of paper in then why couldn’t it be posted.

NoSquirrels · 19/10/2019 12:44

I don’t think you can say you’ve given it away every year, but you can definitely mention NOW, upon receipt of this year’s gift, that as 90% of the options are tricky to access, and you’ve already done the ones you could in previous years (white lie!) that you’re pretty sure you won’t be able to use it before it expires and would he like the option to gift it to someone else? With profuse thanks and how generous he is etc.

Then suggest you’d be so happy with a charity donation or a voucher for birdseed or whatever would be genuinely appreciated by you.

TheSerenDipitY · 19/10/2019 12:45

just return it and tell him its far to tricky to actually get to the area of the gift and you just wont be able to use it... my mother does this for my kids, means we have to drive a couple of hours to get to gift location, and if its something that includes the husband a day off work, then, often in the middle of nowhere, doing some weird thing that kids have never expressed a even slight desire to do and a long drive home... then she rings 9 million times and wanted detailed descriptions from the kids who are over it and generally they say thanks and it was ok, and she gets all disappointed that they are not brimming with excitement over, ummm for example, going to a forest in the middle of nowhere and shooting clay pigeons or using a bow and arrow.... i dont think its being ungrateful when its not something suited or its something that means hours of "prep" to be able to make use of it

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 19/10/2019 12:45

YANBU at all. I suspect that a lot of these things never get used, and that quite a few recipients groan when they open them.

Dh was once given a gliding lesson voucher, and before it started, the instructor said, 'Do you actually want to do this, or do you just feel you have to because it was a present?' So evidently he had experience of reluctant gliders.

Luckily dh was happy to, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I think there may often be an element of donors thinking that X 'ought' to enjoy this or that, or 'could do with getting out of his/her comfort zone'.

At any rate, I long ago warned dds never to even think of giving me a spa day experience, since that sort of 'pampering' is frankly my idea of hell!

Whatsnewpussyhat · 19/10/2019 12:45

I was once given one of these. The "experience" was not only to be pushed down a hill in a zorb ball, which would've been bad enough, but the ball was to be filled with water!.
Needless to say I had no inclination to find out how it feels to be in a washing machine or the panic of drowning.

Walkerbean16 · 19/10/2019 12:46

My sister bought my son a ifly indoor skydiving voucher last christmas.

I'd have to pack up four kids (including a toddler and a baby) and drive them 2 hours and the flight is for ONE MINUTE!!! Sixty fucking seconds!!!!

Hiphop2 · 19/10/2019 12:46

Why not simply have a good old fashioned conversation with your well meaning friend and explain how difficult it can be to actually get to such experiences? Some big City dwellers have little concept of how difficult/expensive/ time consuming travelling to somewhere can be, if the transport networks or other infrastructure are just not there!