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Original poster

Yet another fecking gift experience that is useless

259 replies

Jaggypinecone · 19/10/2019 11:27

I am utterly sick of these. I know they are well intentioned but I have never used any yet as they are too far away or just not our thing.

I'd hoped to avoid this happening again by 'having the conversation' with the person who usually buys me one for Xmas but it arrived early as he can't make it home for Xmas this year.

When you think about it, it's basically telling someone how you think they should spend their time. Time is the most precious gift of all and I don't want to spend mine shoehorning an afternoon tea for two at some shitty hotel or a fecking segway trip into my already busy schedule. It was bought down in London so is London centric. Given I live in the Scottish Highlands the nearest thing is in Edinburgh - sigh!

Straight to charity shop. And I'll need to 'have the conversation' well before xmas time next year. Any advice on how best to word this?

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 19/10/2019 16:38

Surely you don’t spend all year in the Scottish Highlands

Hmm indeed. Strong candidate for one of the "daftest things you've seen on MN" threads. I mean, doesn't OP even keep a London pied à terre? Gosh.

Anniegetyourgun · 19/10/2019 16:40

Dammit. Cross posted with half a dozen. Even the same phrase.

Minai · 19/10/2019 16:42

Can you not cash it in for someone else? I bought my friend and her husband a spa day gift experience and she told me he wasn’t really into spas so she’d exchanged it for lunch on a boat trip. I didn’t mind at all and was glad they picked something they would both enjoy. Maybe you could exchange it for something closer to you.

Celebelly · 19/10/2019 16:43

I totally understand this. They are a burden because they either require you to do a trip you most likely otherwise wouldn't do at a time that probably doesn't suit to try to use it or you can't use it and then worry the giver will find out and be offended. I live in a fairly rural location and there are never any of these things within an easy day trip of here. They're also rarely that enjoyable, the mass market generic ones like afternoon tea etc as you're usually shoehorned in, given a crappy version, or have to book for some really undesirable time.

Sunnyuplands · 19/10/2019 16:44

If its red letter you can usually get something else.
Dh had experience and instead put it towards lovely hotel for family.

Usually experiences are better than 'things'....

Celebelly · 19/10/2019 16:45

Also there's lots of small, individual business owners in the Highlands who will offer their own experiences that are much more individual and enjoyable, plus support local entrepreneurs. But it's a lot easier to buy something generic from Virgin or wherever and not think any more about it! Which I understand; choosing gifts is time-consuming. But I think sometimes gifts like this are bought to tick a box, not because the person will actually enjoy them that much

LisaSimpsonsbff · 19/10/2019 16:49

Usually experiences are better than 'things'....

But these sorts of gifts are essentially a way of turning an experience into a thing, which is why they're often a bit crappy.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 19/10/2019 16:57

He's not buying it with the expectation that she pass it on. Presumably he's buying it because he thinks she might like it. But she doesn't, so better to pass it on than have it go to waste. It doesn't cost her anything to do so. I maintain that having a huge rant on here about it makes the OP sound spectacularly ungrateful.

SmudgeButt · 19/10/2019 17:03

My family loved it when I suggested we give each other "Oxfam goats or chickens" instead of stupid presents. Of course first I had to explain the concept to them as they didn't know what Oxfam was. (foreigners!)

Most Christmas presents are a waste of time, effort and money. Send people a card with a nice hand written note - much more personal. And if they don't like that then tough.

(yes. bah humbug.)

Original poster
Jaggypinecone · 19/10/2019 17:07

I am giving it away Remus but I’m on here ranting because I’m frustrated not because I’m ungrateful

OP posts:
Janaih · 19/10/2019 17:08

I used to work for one of these experience companies when they just started to become a thing. at least 50% of those bought were never booked. company was raking it in.

BlueJava · 19/10/2019 17:09

Can't you sell it and use the cash if you really don't like it?

millimollimandi · 19/10/2019 17:10

Sell it on ebay and use the money for something you do want

Hiphop2 · 19/10/2019 17:11

Just have the conversation with that friend you love.......ranting about it doesn’t do you any favours, and isn’t particularly demonstrating a loving relationship on your part, no matter how frustrated you might be!🙄

puppyconfetti · 19/10/2019 17:15

I'm with you OP. It's not ungrateful so much that it's bloody frustrating when people give a gift that is going to cost you money.

Drum2018 · 19/10/2019 17:15

Ignore all the vitriol supplied by those that obviously buy these awful "gifts" because they have not got an original thought between them!

Well said!

He obviously puts thought into it. You should be grateful you have a friend who wants you to enjoy a nice experience.

He obviously puts no fucking thought into it whatsoever. If he bothered to think about it for one second he'd realise that it would cost op too much in time and money to do something she clearly isn't interested in. If he was thoughtful he would find out what the op is interested in and get a gift suited to her.

AutumnRose1 · 19/10/2019 17:16

oP I don't think it's ungrateful at all

If I lived in the Highlands, I don't imagine wanting to go the city either. Well, I've no objection generally if people want to just be local. It feels like a competition to trek about for no reason, certainly in London.

AutumnRose1 · 19/10/2019 17:17

And I would tell them straight btw but suggest no gift instead.

Candymay · 19/10/2019 17:30

Actually lolled at your update ‘I’m touched by his kindness each year’. Yes your post really says that.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 19/10/2019 17:34

I used to work for one of these experience companies when they just started to become a thing. at least 50% of those bought were never booked. company was raking it in.

My understanding is that the percentage of all gift cards ('traditional' ones - not experience) never used isn't far below that. It's very useful for companies that we have a stigma on just giving cash and prefer to give it in these alternative ways (which are basically just cash in a more restrictive form) as it lets them just pocket a huge amount of money.

thisneverendingsummer · 19/10/2019 17:43

@DC3dilemma

I would so love @blue25 to come back and explain why people in the Highlands don’t spend all year there. Does she think they suddenly become inhabitable around October? That everyone in the Highlands heads south for the winter like migrating geese?

Ba ha ha ha ha Grin Made me laugh.

I would also know why blue25 thinks people who live in the Scottish Highlands don't spend all year there. They LIVE there FGS!

Definitely in the running for the most batshit comment of the month on mumsnet! Grin

thisneverendingsummer · 19/10/2019 17:43

@Jaggypinecone Take no notice of the posters saying that you are ungrateful. They are probably the type to buy awful, useless gifts and think that the recipient should always be grateful, no matter what.

As many people have said, it's NOT a good gift, if it's going to cost the recipient money (for travel, and accommodation,) and causes them to have to use annual leave from work (because many things are only allowed to be booked in the week.)

Really pisses me off when someone does something for you (that you never asked them to do,) and buys you something (you have never indicated you wanted,) and thinks you should be eternally grateful, and are an ungrateful cow (as someone rudely said on page 4 in the thread,) if you are not happy with said 'good deed' or gift. It's especially annoying when using the 'gift' means that you have to spend extra money to use it.

Winteriscomingfast · 19/10/2019 17:44

It often costs to transfer them or to change the experience. We had one for a £165 experience go unused as it was for an experience 200 miles away and my DH has a condition which prevents you from doing it according ti their website. I think they are really thoughtless gifts from people who just cant be bothered but think that they need to give a gift.

Who wants afternoon tea at a 3 star hotel miles away? Answer no-one.

The worst kind of experience is where they but it for you and then say that they are coming as well.

So crappy afternoon tea with someone who would be way down your list to socialise with.

And to be clear - we say no gifts constantly. Response- but this isn't a gift it is an experience!

LillianGish · 19/10/2019 17:52

Yep, lazy gift-giving. I get similarly exasperated by my sister-in-law buying me vouchers for places where I never shop, when I've spent time carefully choosing and wrapping presents for each of her four children. Maybe she doesn’t like the gifts you so carefully choose and would rather have a voucher so she can choose herself. I do think in situations like this (and the OP) you are better off knocking gift giving on the head altogether. My dad had an arrangement like this with all his family - they stopped buying each other gifts and used the money saved to buy themselves something they’d really like instead. Or just give cash then the recipient can buy what they want at a shop convenient to wherever they live. Otherwise I think you have to accept that sometimes you will be disappointed by what someone else has chosen for you.

theoriginaltms · 19/10/2019 17:52

What experience is it? I'll buy it off you if it's to my taste lol

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