What do you ACTUALLY judge mothers on?

[Ketomeato]

Inspired by the child in the buggy thread, I realised I hardly judge anything really, mainly because I have an unruly child with additional needs so in our house, pretty much anything goes. You have to be kind, and you have to wear pants. And that’s it.

What does anyone actually judge about, regarding parents with young children?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers "I had to forward face my 2 year old as his legs wouldn't physically fit"

Does he not have knees? Do they not bend?

I appreciate that forward facing car seats are both cheap and legal. Doesn't mean they're truly safe. They're adequate and some minimally so.
Look in to rear facing VS forward facing. The ossification of the vertebrae in his neck should be reason alone for you to be desperate to keep him rear facing until at least four.

The Disney seats? The ones with the white parts on the straps? The straps are known to pull out in a crash over 30mph. But that's ok because it's UK legal.
30mph is 2 cars at 15 mph.

Look at Axkid. Look at the a-z of rear facing for facts.

And on the subject of older toddlers in nappies I have a disabled much older child in nappies the NHS won't provide nappies until the child is five so clearly they don't think it's a problem until five .

Smoking.
Performance parenting
Being over neurotic (obvs in my opinion I recognise that everyone has different standards and things they prioritise-I'm just a secret judger )

Smoking.
Allowing children to ride scooters or whizz about on those stupid shoes with wheels in the heels in the supermarket.

*Parents who let their child run around with a lollipop in his/her mouth, especially those spherical Chupa Chups ones.

I can't look.*

This reminds me of a party DD went to when she was 3 or 4. The children were all between 2 and 4 and lots were going on the bouncy castle with lollies in their mouth. I felt so stressed out and anxious about it, i didn't enjoy the party at all!

Running across busy roads with kids rather than using a crossing
People who let kids use scooters in supermarkets
I am from a horsey background and people who let kids sit on horses without helmets on to have cute photos taken often with no one holding the horse or child boil my piss

Not a lot behaviour wise - it's normally a snapshot and people have difficult lives. I don't like:

Smoking around them.
Changing nappies in public.
Underdressed - we had a text off the school yesterday reminding parents that children need a coat now. I was thinking 'who the f is sending kids to school in this rain without a coat?'

That's about it. I'm not bothered by screens at tables, dummies, pushchairs for older children or a lot of stuff MN seems to pearl clutch at.

There is a mum at school though - she seems a bit erm... vacant...and she lets her toddler run riot everyday. Like doesn't even acknowledge his existence whilst he pulls all the toys in the play area out, slams into people and often hurts himself. I'm unwell so my tolerance level is probably lower than usual but I do get a bit pissed off with it.

I don't judge much really, I am guilty of some of these here too 🤷

Speaking awfully to kids is one of my big ones. I live in an awful area and hear it most days.

Treating your children differently (golden child and whatnot), my parents did it to my sisters and I, dhs dad treats him very differently to his 3 younger siblings who were born to dhs step mother and always has done. I know a woman who has a6yo who can do no wrong whilst the toddler is "naughty", I met them when toddler was 18mo and the first thing she said to me was that he was a trouble maker :( 6yo encouraged toddler to do things he knew would get him told off, mum wouldn't believe it. I really judge it.

Parents who drop rubbish on the floor. Bugbear of mine but the town I'm in is disgusting.

Inappropriate car seats. Being told that I'm mean for not forward facing my then 9mo FFS

6mo DD has what looks like a piercing hole at the front cartilage bit where her face meets her ear and I was asked by one parent where I got it pierced as she was curious for her baby, I was judgey about that. Its some sort of cysty thing that she was born with.

Kids having a bag of crisps for breakfast.

I really hope people who smoke around their kids or who smoked whilst pregnant read this thread and realise how utterly gross they are. Don't care if that's mean of me. Some of us actually love our children and it makes me so so angry to see it. Especially when said people claim poverty yet spend upwards of £50 a week on cigarettes. They need to give their heads a wobble. And I am an ex smoker!

I don't judge much, mostly because I've done most of these things. I've sworn at my kids when it's just got too much, ive then felt bad, apologised and have never done it again, ive spent some times in pubs with my children but they had fun. I judge when parents don't dress their kids appropriately, if it's cold and your child has no socks on and you've got coat scarf gloves then you're a knob. If it's raining and you don't have a rain cover over your child or they don't have a coat on... you're a knob. I see it all the time and I hate it.

I judge people who have children and take no responsibility for protecting the environment.

Pushy sports mums, usually quite overweight/obese and likely have no clue about the sport themselves (wouldn't have a cat's chance in hell of being able to do half the stuff their kid can do) but live vicariously through their child's activities and berate them for every minor slip up. Worse still is the children that looks accustomed to their abuse. Would be nice if more coaches stood up to these parents but unlikely since they're paying them.

My son, with SEN (you wouldn’t necessarily spot this if you weren’t in the know) refuses to wear a coat, jumper and will only wear shorts Greyhound22. So you would be judging me harshly. I always put them in his bag in case he should decide he fancies being warm but he never does. Maybe I should make him wear a badge to explain this?

The only thing I really judge is unkind and unloving parenting. Even then I recognise that parents offer kids love and security in different guises.

I don’t judge performance parenting. At least they are making an effort.

Parents who ignore rules, common sense and basic social etiquette, usually ignoring rules, requests and signs.

Parents who share their children's lives on public social media in blogs/vlogs/YouTube etc.

I also judge parents who swallow sex/gender stereotypes and limit their children's options for play/friendships/clothes/activities/toys or careers on the basis of their genitals. People who are lighter on their boys behaviour because 'that's just how boys are'.

And parents who allow their young children to have unmonitored access to YouTube and tbh the internet in general.

So many assumption,s my son refuses to wear hat ,gloves,scarf etc and is often sockless ,in fact keeping shoes and socks on is a major challenge he's also severely autistic so many judgemental twats on this thread

Spending money on fags/booze/drugs whilst child in hand mi downs.

Smoking while pushing pushchair/pram-vile imo.

Encouraging child to swear/be aggressive/naughty because its "funny"

Same here with oldest DS who won't wear coats, gloves, or hats. When he was a toddler in the pushchair he wouldn't have a blanket or raincover on, would fling off his socks and shoes, and roll up his trouser legs. Younger DS is the opposite and even on the hottest of days will attempt to wear long sleeves, long trousers, a coat, and a hat.

@x2boys we have seamless bamboo socks from sock shop, which has cured any sock issues with hard seems and then feeling stratchy, as they are super soft. We also have neoprene topped wellies.

I often see babies with no socks and it's hard not to judge when it's cold, even though I know many just pull them off all the time. I would never say anything, or give a look, it's more of a internal then I move on with my day. I certainly don't tut and point !

I’d be a bit judgemental about anyone who didn’t judge people for swearing at, being violent towards or taking drugs around their children, to be honest. But it’s not just mothers, dads do these things as well The only thing I can think of that I specifically would judge a mother for is smoking while pregnant, everything else can easily apply to any adult responsible for a child so I’m not sure why mothers are getting all the blame!

I do judge people who get their baby’s ears pierced. Not only does it (in my opinion) look awful, but it’s also painful for them and I would worry about them getting infected or ripped out. I don’t think any age is specifically too young (I was 5 when I had mine done), as long as the child has actually asked for it to be done themselves and they are aware that it will sting at first and that it is important the piercings are looked after and kept clean. Your baby is not a fashion accessory, it does not need to be artificially modified!

@Spied what’s wrong with little kids sleeping in places other than their own homes?

I judge smacking and parents who don’t vaccinate their children. I don’t judge forward facing car seats for those under 4 but I do worry about their safety. We can’t all afford the rear-facing seats and not all countries are equally good at making the rear-facing seats available for purchase.

I won’t judge the over careful, I have tendencies towards that myself after my daughter fell off a small cliff when she was 2. Took forever for me to climb down wondering if she was dead or not, I’ll never forget that fear. As a result I am very anxious if she’s within a meter or two of an edge.

I also won’t judge the amount kids are wearing outside. My babies were both very very hot babies and would overheat to screaming if I dressed them as much as other babies needed. And as a PP said, it’s often better to let the child go outside in their shorts and sandals and then realise wait, I need my snowsuit and boots instead. It teaches better independence – just take those extra clothes with you. Kids are expected to be able to choose the right outer wear for the weather on their own at the age of six here (when they start school).

Not RTFT but smoking while pregnant/around kids (and I guess doing drugs, too, but I have never seen that, to my knowledge).

And letting your kids scoot or ride amok in busy places. They have legs, they can walk.

I am quite a judgemental person but I do make an effort to remind myself that everyone is generally just trying to do their best for their kids and I don't known their circumstances.
I definitely do plenty of things that I know other people judge me for and I've seen a few mentioned here

That being said Some things I do get really judgey about are:

• denim on babies
• 0+ car seats used outside the car
• jackets on in car seats, especially if in a erf seat (looking at you preachy toddler group mum)

I also don't like it when people let young children sit in the front seat of cars, but I had no idea the law on rear facing seats had changed until there was a thread on here a few days ago, so wouldn't judge someone who swapped to forward facing around 9 months, as I did. Do they tell you in hospital/when you give birth that the laws have changed?

I was also massively overcareful. I used to get jelly legs myself if my son went within a meter of the edge of something!