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Original poster

Bridesmaid outgrown dress

291 replies

Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:19

Wedding next month. 3 bridesmaIds. Dresses ordered a couple of months ago. Bridesmaid A has done really well at losing weight (3+ stone) and ordered a dress that only just fit. As she was doing so well losing the weight we didn't think anything of it. Dresses tried on yesterday and A has gained weight. Hers doesn't o on. Doesn't go over her hips (down or up) and doesn't zip.

They aren't matching dresses, more 'varition on a theme'. We've paid for the dresses, shoes, jewelry and will be paying for hair and makeup on the day. This is huge portion of a very small wedding budget. A is mortified but hasn't offered a solution. The way I see it:
A) she can drop out of bring a bridesmaid and I suck up the lost money
B) she can order a new dress and pay the extra for express service. This is only possible if done this week. We can't really afford it and would need her to at least pay for the dress.
C) she could buy an off the rack dress in appropriate colour/style. It'll be obvious it isn't the same as the other bridesmaid but as they aren't all matching won't look horrendous.

How do I approach this with her? Any other solutions?

OP posts:
StatisticallyChallenged · 14/10/2019 14:30

That dress would be very very difficult to adjust, I can see why the seamstress said hell no. It's also very slinky and I suspect that if she's gained weight BM might not be happier in the larger version either as it is a style which will show bumps and she might already be feeling self conscious. I'd suggest a coordinated high st dress might be the best bet

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 14:44

Yes StatisticallyChallenged she may no longer want that style. It's not a style I'd go for as I'm very lumpy even when slim. BM is a much smoother shape than me though I've not seen her since dress shopping.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/10/2019 14:54

Stunned at some folks thinking uou shoild get your credit card out and tell her you love her, and buy her a second dress. 🤣🤣🤣

She needs to take responsibility and not give you this stress. She should have already contacted you. She likely feels embarrassed about it, but still she needs to take responsibility .

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SnowyZ · 14/10/2019 15:18

At the time the dress was ordered, what was the discussion about alterations, who would pay for these for your BMs if they were needed? Did you not keep any budget aside for alterations or were you hoping all of them stayed the same size (that includes not losing weight as well as gaining)?

Another option if neither of you have the money for a new dress is that she doesn't have her hair and make up paid for and this cost can go towards a new dress, a long with selling the original one.

How much is the dress? I know BM dresses can be as much as £200+

walkintheparc · 14/10/2019 15:20

woah is me post It's "woe"

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 15:24

SnowyZ they were bought with a small alterations included fee added to the total price. This included repositioning straps, altering the length and some nipping in where required. It was made clear by the shop that this particular dress could only be altered in specific ways (taken in very slightly and straps shortened). So there isn't a separate alterations budget available.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/10/2019 15:28

"Fault", "repsonsibility" and all such terms be damned. This is a friend

Equally, knowing that OP's already done so much, the bridesmaid could have made some suggestions for the sake of her friend, instead of just avoiding the issue

Personally I agree with the majority: she pays for something else which will fit and OP gives her whatever she's raised once the original dress is sold

Natsel84 · 14/10/2019 15:39

If you have no money left . There isn't really anything you can do . If the dress cannot be altered . your BM will have to buy a dress off the peg .
Due to circumstances beyond your control you've brought your wedding forward and there isn't enough time for her to loose the weight.
I'm just surprised she never ordered the next size up if the one in the shop just about fitted .
You will just have to be upfront when speaking to her and say there is no money left in the pot for alterations or a new dress.

LyraParry · 14/10/2019 15:41

We've all bought 'wishful thinking' clothes, but you don't do that with someone else's money and then expect them to pick up the pieces!

No, but if you insist on clothing being bought 6 months in advance then stuff not fitting properly is a risk you take.

Bluntness100 · 14/10/2019 15:44

No, but if you insist on clothing being bought 6 months in advance then stuff not fitting properly is a risk you take

Seriously? 🤣 should they have nipped out th week before just in case?

BunnyColvin · 14/10/2019 15:46

No, but if you insist on clothing being bought 6 months in advance then stuff not fitting properly is a risk you take

It's a risk the person the clothes are bought for takes. If you think you're going to add or lose weight, then order a size up or down. In a case like this, it's not the buyer's responsibility.

Can't grown-ass adults take responsiblity for themselves? Hmm

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 15:46

If I could just buy her a new dress, be it this one, a different one, whatever to solve the problem I would. But I can't. On the original timeline, this would not be an issue, we're good at saving and our income Vs outgoings is reasonable so had a savings plan in place.

I've done all the other Mumsnet prerequisites;

  • invited kids, partners and plus ones
  • everyone invited to the whole day
  • free bar
  • not dictated what anyone wears, including bridesmaids and groomsmen
  • tried as far as possible not to have anyone out of pocket
  • not expected anyone else to foot the bill
  • not had people traipsing off for abroad for a financially crippling hen do

Yet somehow, I've still managed to fuck up according to people on this thread!

OP posts:
DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 14/10/2019 15:52

Urgh OP don’t let theMN trolls make out YABU! YANBU!

A chose the size to order knowing it barely fit and that you were paying for it. She then gained weight! At the end of the day you haven't done anything wrong and your money has been wasted. Whilst it’s not kind to make A feel bad, and you should be understanding...etc it is A’s responsibility to sort this out now not yours.

You bought the dress exactly as she wanted and now she can’t wear it - in A’s shoes I wouldn’t think twice about offering to re order and cover the cost. If A was unable to do this then as a friend she SHOULD have ordered a comfortable fitting dress which could easily have been taken in if needed.

It always shocks me how many people seem to think taking a custom dress up 2+ sizes is easy...it’s not! And ‘adding panels’ will result in looking like a circus tent if you can’t EXACTLY match the fabric. Ordering larger and taking in is always easier/safer but those who have lost a lot of weight recently always insist on ordering the smallest possible size - it’s because they put their ego ahead of sensible dressmaker advice

Bobbybobbins · 14/10/2019 15:53

Oh OP bet you feel like this is the last thing you need. I'm sure the reason your BM hasn't raised this with you yet is because she is embarrassed.

I would do as PP have suggested and tell her that the shop have told you there is a problem with the fit of the dress and what would she like to do? IMO the best solution is either that she wears something she already owns or she buys a dress and you give her any money from sale of original dress.

GingerRogers84 · 14/10/2019 15:58

@Yeahthatthing I needed a dress for a similar occasion making bigger and a seamstress put a long sliver of material in a matching colour either side of the zip at the back.
In my case the excess from the length was used but they could get it closely matched.

MissPepper8 · 14/10/2019 16:02

If they can't stick a panel in can't you beg the dress shop for an exchange in size and try be sneaky? Don't ask don't get. Or goto a different dress maker and ask them? What type of dress is it?

Had simular, not as dramatic though with my wedding. My sister had 3 dress fittings with me, I lost more weight but they could take it in last fitting but my sister on the last fitting had gained but they'd left quite a bit of fabric and it was fixed 2 weeks before.

MissPepper8 · 14/10/2019 16:07

I take back my post I've seen the dress reading back pages now, it's shit but what can you do. She probably feels even shitter and embarrassed to be honest.

If they can't put a panel in and she hides it with a shoulder wrap then best put it in their sales rack or quicker ebay or gumtree it and buy another with the money.

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 16:14

I also love that people automatically think my seamstress is shit despite not seeing the dress rather than taking the word of a professional who has had the dress in her shop for months!

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/10/2019 16:22

shop said if she gives it back to them they'll sell it in their sample sale for me

That's actually very decent of them, since you'll probably get a lot more this way than ebaying it or whatever

Also very decent of you to have organised things so well for your guests and attendants. Trouble is, your issue touches on weight and no matter how kind your intentions, even the mention of the word's anathema to some

Happily, you sound the complete opposite of a Bridezilla and I'm sure you'll work it out just fine and have the lovely day you deserve Flowers

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 16:38

Puzzledandpissedoff yes, I'm very grateful to them. I don't have the dress, it's with BM so if be relying on her to eBay/ Facebook it.

OP posts:
GingerRogers84 · 14/10/2019 16:40

I also love that people automatically think my seamstress is shit despite not seeing the dress rather than taking the word of a professional who has had the dress in her shop for months!

Yeah well was only mentioning what I did as I'd never seen it done this way before.
Only offering well meant advice! Hmm

DobbyTheHouseElk · 14/10/2019 16:58

Oh I hadn’t realised your BM had the dress...if I was the BM I’d be panicking.

Do you think she can diet into it for the wedding. If she hasn’t told you she didn’t fit into it and only the shop did. I’m presuming she’s going to diet like mad now, and buy Spanx.

I see now, it’s really awkward for you to ring her and say the shop told you it didn’t fit.

Sorry I think I’ve been slow to catch on here!!

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 16:59

@GingerRogers84 it wasn't aimed at you.

OP posts:
GingerRogers84 · 14/10/2019 17:16

@Yeahthatthing
Official offence withdrawn! 😂

Hope it gets sorted for you! In my case I had to buy my own dress but I did order it thinking I'd be back to pre baby weight and hadn't considered the BF boobs. Own fault so I got the alteration sorted myself and didn't even tell the bride.

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 17:21

So she's text back:

" Guessing B told you about the dress disaster. I'm mortified. I'll call you after choir practice to discuss. Sorry"

So hopefully get it sorted tonight. From the general consensus I feel I'm ok to suggest she pays for the solution.

OP posts:
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