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Original poster

Bridesmaid outgrown dress

291 replies

Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:19

Wedding next month. 3 bridesmaIds. Dresses ordered a couple of months ago. Bridesmaid A has done really well at losing weight (3+ stone) and ordered a dress that only just fit. As she was doing so well losing the weight we didn't think anything of it. Dresses tried on yesterday and A has gained weight. Hers doesn't o on. Doesn't go over her hips (down or up) and doesn't zip.

They aren't matching dresses, more 'varition on a theme'. We've paid for the dresses, shoes, jewelry and will be paying for hair and makeup on the day. This is huge portion of a very small wedding budget. A is mortified but hasn't offered a solution. The way I see it:
A) she can drop out of bring a bridesmaid and I suck up the lost money
B) she can order a new dress and pay the extra for express service. This is only possible if done this week. We can't really afford it and would need her to at least pay for the dress.
C) she could buy an off the rack dress in appropriate colour/style. It'll be obvious it isn't the same as the other bridesmaid but as they aren't all matching won't look horrendous.

How do I approach this with her? Any other solutions?

OP posts:
Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 12:55

DobbyTheHouseElk when we tried dresses on yes she thought she'd have longer, but when we changed the date we could have changed the order (I had to ring the shop to get them to move the date, they hadn't put the order through yet). But tbh it was so close to fitting it should have been fine.

I've called the shop and they said if she gives it back to them they'll sell it in their sample sale for me. So that's an option at least.

OP posts:
LyraParry · 14/10/2019 12:57

I think this is "nobody in the wrong" kind of situation. Ordering dresses months in advance is a massive risk, and one I'd never take for myself but had to as a bridesmaid. I'd have been pissed off at having to pay for a new dress when I know full well that I change shape and size through the year. Equally tho, she should have ordered the larger size as altering a dress to make it smaller is far easier than making them larger.

FizzyGreenWater · 14/10/2019 12:58

Yes you can't alter that.

However the skirt idea might work.

Honestly though I think the easiest and cheapest thing all round will be to simply say 'Don't worry. I'm happy for you to wear anything else you feel comfortable in. I've absolutely not a penny available for alterations or anything else so at this late date let's just decide not to stress over it. Obviously it would be best for the dress to roughly match in colour but that's the only thing I think we need to aim for. Do you want me to help out with looking for something?'

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FizzyGreenWater · 14/10/2019 13:01

Is it not possible for the 'order a new dress express service' to involve sending back the smaller dress and getting it a size up and she pays the extra express charge etc?

i'm guessing not or you would have tried that...

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 13:03

FizzyGreenWater unfortunately not. But yes, I think you are right with the first message.

OP posts:
Nomorepies · 14/10/2019 13:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

squeaver · 14/10/2019 13:11

Is that the colour? That green's not going to be easy to find on the high street/online.

A quick look on ASOS has this in the sale. Bias cut, satin but not green. Could she get something like that and dye it?? (I have no idea!)

squeaver · 14/10/2019 13:13

Or there's this green one for £55.

Pointof0return · 14/10/2019 13:15

You get your credit card out and order and pay for a dress in her current size in time for the wedding. You tell her not to worry, all that matters is she is your bridesmaid and she feels comfortable, because you love her.

Try and get a few quid back by flogging the unused dress.

Do not ever mention it again.

Pointof0return · 14/10/2019 13:21

Although.. if I was the BM I would insist on paying for my own new dress.

OP I wish you all a fab day and that this dress anxiety blows over soon.

AllTheNameAreTakenEvenThisOne · 14/10/2019 13:22

You get your credit card out and order and pay for a dress in her current size in time for the wedding. You tell her not to worry, all that matters is she is your bridesmaid and she feels comfortable, because you love her.

Some people really have no idea what "I have no money" means. Hmm

MarshaBradyo · 14/10/2019 13:24

No don’t feel you have to do the credit thing. The op is doing so much already given the budget.

The bm just has to get round it emotionally and talk to the op. Wear whatever she wants or buy.

Amber2019 · 14/10/2019 13:25

I obviously dont know what the dress is like but I ended up being 5 months pregnant at my sisters wedding, I gained a lot, my dress was 3 sizes too small. They were able to change the dress from zip to a ribbon corset, so extra material put in the back and ribbon added to tie. It wasnt great but it fitted. The arms were still a little tight though.

QuimReaper · 14/10/2019 13:34

She shouldnt have ordered a dress so many sizes smaller

She didn't - it was only a tiny bit too small (OP said it "just fit", so not technically too small in fact), but she's gained weight instead of continuing to lose it as she planned.

Vanhi · 14/10/2019 13:43

Some people really have no idea what "I have no money" means.

Particularly on MN where salaries of around 50k are seen as quite small really. I mean how can you afford the school fees on that Hmm

I think she needs to pay OP although if you can recoup something by selling the dress that may help. It is lovely.

Bibidy · 14/10/2019 13:48

You get your credit card out and order and pay for a dress in her current size in time for the wedding. You tell her not to worry, all that matters is she is your bridesmaid and she feels comfortable, because you love her.

HOW are people posting responses like this?!?!?!?! Honestly I'm stunned.

Why should OP buy the bridesmaid another dress when it was the bridesmaid who chose the original one and requested it in the size that was too small, and then gained weight?! Surely the bridesmaid wouldn't even expect OR accept that? I would be mortified it if were me.

The bridesmaid should buy a new dress for herself. Then OP can refund the cost of that if she recovers the money by selling the original dress.

It's just one of those things but OP shouldn't be out of pocket even further for this when she's completely not at fault. I would never dream of expecting someone to buy me another dress because I no longer fit in it.

amusedbush · 14/10/2019 14:03

You get your credit card out and order and pay for a dress in her current size in time for the wedding. You tell her not to worry, all that matters is she is your bridesmaid and she feels comfortable, because you love her.

Hilarious. I don't even have a credit card so when I say I have no money, I HAVE NO MONEY.

ThatLibraryMiss · 14/10/2019 14:03

You get your credit card out and order and pay for a dress in her current size in time for the wedding. You tell her not to worry, all that matters is she is your bridesmaid and she feels comfortable, because you love her.

Conversely, the bridesmaid could get her credit card out and order and pay for a dress in her current size in time for the wedding and tell the bride not to worry, all that matters is she has a wonderful day and that she, the bridesmaid, doesn't want to add to the bride's stress, what with already having to bring the wedding forwards due to a close family member getting a terminal diagnosis.

Pointof0return · 14/10/2019 14:08

Sorry I didn't mean to piss everyone off with the credit card comment. And I did add that if I was the bridesmaid I would insist on paying for a new dress myself.

sheshootssheimplores · 14/10/2019 14:12

I would just text her saying that it’s a real shame the bridesmaid dress didn’t fit. Unfortunately you have no funds left in the budget to replace it. Would she like to find an alternative dress? Then you could say as long as it’s green and you’re comfortable then that would be wonderful. That kind of thing.

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 14:16

The colour scheme isn't green by the way. The dress is that fabric and style though.

OP posts:
BunnyColvin · 14/10/2019 14:19

I don't get the fat-shaming comments at all. Surely people see it would have been far, far easier for the OP if the bride was a consistent size 18 or whatever, and just came to the first fitting and ordered her size?? OP didn't ask her to be a BM on the condition that she lose weight!

We've all bought 'wishful thinking' clothes, but you don't do that with someone else's money and then expect them to pick up the pieces!

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 14/10/2019 14:23

I imagine when you speak to her this will all be sorted. If it were me I'd be mortified and upset with myself but I really think she'll offer to buy something else. She's licking her wounds right now and probably feels she's let you down and made a stressful time more stressful.

Bibidy · 14/10/2019 14:25

We've all bought 'wishful thinking' clothes, but you don't do that with someone else's money and then expect them to pick up the pieces!

EXACTLY. (Not saying that the BM is expecting that in this case - but some posters clearly would!)

Simkin · 14/10/2019 14:27

Maybe she took the dress because she is trying to sort a solution before you find out (too late!).

I'm sure once she's over the inevitable self hatred this kind of thing instils in us pie eaters she'll be in touch with a solution.

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