Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Bridesmaid outgrown dress

291 replies

Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:19

Wedding next month. 3 bridesmaIds. Dresses ordered a couple of months ago. Bridesmaid A has done really well at losing weight (3+ stone) and ordered a dress that only just fit. As she was doing so well losing the weight we didn't think anything of it. Dresses tried on yesterday and A has gained weight. Hers doesn't o on. Doesn't go over her hips (down or up) and doesn't zip.

They aren't matching dresses, more 'varition on a theme'. We've paid for the dresses, shoes, jewelry and will be paying for hair and makeup on the day. This is huge portion of a very small wedding budget. A is mortified but hasn't offered a solution. The way I see it:
A) she can drop out of bring a bridesmaid and I suck up the lost money
B) she can order a new dress and pay the extra for express service. This is only possible if done this week. We can't really afford it and would need her to at least pay for the dress.
C) she could buy an off the rack dress in appropriate colour/style. It'll be obvious it isn't the same as the other bridesmaid but as they aren't all matching won't look horrendous.

How do I approach this with her? Any other solutions?

OP posts:
QuimReaper · 14/10/2019 12:09

Just shroud her hideous massive form in all this shady shade you’ve got to spare op

Huh? Confused the OP is saying it more or less fit at the original fitting, which presumably was some time ago, and since the bridesmaid had successfully and consistently dieted off 3 stone, and intended to keep going, the assumption was she'd easily lose another inch or so. How is that a "shady" remark?

I also think it was a fair assumption and not at all the OP's fault for "paying for a dress that didn't fit". It wasn't a pie in the sky ambition for the bridesmaid to lose weight, she was already doing so with great success - if anything, I'd have been more worried she'd lose too much and the dress would be baggy on her.

It's a bit weird how people keep suggesting how the dress can be altered without having seen it! I can easily imagine several styles where adding panels, corset backs etc. would look bizarre.

Sympathies with both of you OP. I assume your friend was in denial about having fallen off the dieting wagon and just hoped for the best. You've had great advice on this thread and it sounds like you and your friend are both decent, sensible sorts and you'll handle it sensitively even though it's hella awkward. Good luck.

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 12:10

MadameButterface I wasn't there. My 3 BMs went to the dress fitting by themselves. The shop called me for final payment and told me it didn't fit but it wasn't that they'd ordered the wrong size. We also discussed alterations. They then discussed alteration options with her. Another of my BMs was more candid than the shop and told me really didn't fit (she couldn't get it on) and A was going to discuss it with me. This was yesterday afternoon and she hasn't contacted me. I tried to call her yesterday evening but she was out.

OP posts:
QuimReaper · 14/10/2019 12:10

Sell the dress, buy a new one with the money, if all the dresses are different then a coordinating colour dress in the right size will do.

Easier said than done - bespoke birdesmaid dresses seldom fetch much on eBay (depending on the style, of course) - she's likely to end up very much out of pocket.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Clothing General style & beauty Weddings
Lweji · 14/10/2019 12:14

I'd then wait until at least this evening to see if she gets in touch. She must be upset herself and trying to consider the different options herself, along with crash dieting probably.

I think the best option for both is that, if she doesn't manage to lose the weight in 3 weeks, to tell her that screw the colour coordination and that she can wear whatever she likes and still be bm.

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 12:19

I'll try and sell the dress but doubt I'll get much for it.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 14/10/2019 12:25

Could you post a picture? Or a similar style? Lots of talented seamstresses on here who might be able to suggest something to do.

Senseofself1 · 14/10/2019 12:29

Another of my BMs was more candid than the shop and told me really didn't fit (she couldn't get it on) She should have been more responsible. She obviously knew she would have to lose weight so she should have been more blinking careful! What was she thinking of eating all that pie and cake? (or whatever she's been stuffing her face with).

DobbyTheHouseElk · 14/10/2019 12:31

I still don’t understand why a bigger dress wasn’t ordered especially if the shop recommended you get a bigger one as it couldn’t be made bigger.

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 12:32

Similar to this, but not this one.

Bridesmaid outgrown dress
OP posts:
Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 12:33

DobbyTheHouseElk because I was stupid and trusted a grown woman to make her own decision.

OP posts:
ohdearmymistake · 14/10/2019 12:33

I can't believe some of the harsh comments, I think you sound lovely OP.

I can imagine that the BM will feel awful but really she needs to buy a different sized dress.

They were advised to size up when ordering but she chose not too, that's her mistake to sort.

Please don't text, call her things can be so easily misinterpreted when just written.

MadameButterface · 14/10/2019 12:34

She should have been more responsible. She obviously knew she would have to lose weight so she should have been more blinking careful! What was she thinking of eating all that pie and cake? (or whatever she's been stuffing her face with).

Aahhhhh that hits the spot. Less practical solutions, more fat shaming. Boooooo down with fatties. This is really helpful. All fat people have to do is jump in a time machine and go back to when they weren’t fat and just not get fat. One nobel prize coming right up!

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 12:37

Senseofself1 she can stuff her face with what ever she wants. I do. She could however have mentioned it before going to the fitting, or ordered a larger size or said when it didn't fit that she'd work something out.

OP posts:
CarWreck · 14/10/2019 12:38

A bias cut satiny slip dress like that would be really hard to alter, I imagine!
See what she wants to do, can she go dress shopping on her own and let you have some ideas?

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 12:40

MadameButterface I'm not fat shaming. I am over weight, I have no issue with whatever size she wants to be or is. This isn't about her weight. This is about finding a solution in the time frame available.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 14/10/2019 12:40

If it's similar to that bias cut dress you've posted a photo of then it may be possible to turn the dress into a skirt and have her wear a top with it.

ZenNudist · 14/10/2019 12:41

Post a picture. I think you are being too down on the alteration idea.

Otherwise if shes such a good friend and you care so much about her feelings buy her a different matchy dress.

Very bad form to make a BM pay for dress or alterations.

Don't mean to sound harsh here but the "no money" argument doesn't wash very well. That's just bad planning. Surely there should be some budget for contingencies? Just like this kind of thing?

Its your mistake ( an easy one to make admittedly) for not listening to the shop who told you the just fitting dress was not alterable and advised order size up.

I also think it's the shops fault for not insisting that you ordered the size up because alterations can always be made but a too small dress is a bigger problem.

milveycrohn · 14/10/2019 12:41

The real question is where do you go from here. Fat shaming her is rather pointless at this point.
If you value the friendship and still want her BM, then I would either get a different (as close as possible to matching) dress.
If the cost of the dress cannot be recuperated, you could even, cut the dress into a skirt, and get a top! maybe.
It wont look as good in the photos, but this depends on whether the photos are that important to you. After all, it will provide a story when you look back at the pictures.
Or you can remove her as a BM, and accept your friendship is probably over.

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 12:43

CarWreck I cannot sew for toffee, so have no idea! Just took the word of the shop.

OP posts:
PepsiLola · 14/10/2019 12:46

Your BM is the one in the wrong not you.

She ordered the dress, she choose the size, she knew what you had paid....

You sound lovely OP, I don't understand why some people think from your post you're fat shaming!

BM should pay for new dress imo.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 14/10/2019 12:46

That style and fabric will be hard to alter. I think you need to have a frank conversation with your BM as ask her what she wants and how best to resolve it.

Weddings are so stressful.

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 12:48

ZenNudist no budget for contingencies. The wedding was originally set for 12 months time- giving us time to save. My parents also generously provided some money as did PIL. I've given back my parents money as my mum is going to need it. We've scaled back the wedding massively to fit our new smaller budget. It's meant going without lots of stuff- no hen or stag do, no wedding cars, honeymoon or flowers. DH is wearing the suit he wears to weddings, I'm wearing shoes I already own. The bridesmaids dresses were ordered before the change of date. I don't begrudge doing this, but when I say we've no more money, I mean it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 12:50

wowfudge it's very similar. I'll look it to the skirt idea.

OP posts:
DobbyTheHouseElk · 14/10/2019 12:51

Presumably your BM knows your situation. So really she should step up and pay for a new dress.

Was she thinking she had longer to lose the weight?

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 12:52

That wasn't meant to be a "woah is me post" just a genuine we don't have more money.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread