I'm going to die fat.

[MrsFattyBumBum]

I just can't control my eating.

Have had disordered eating for as long as I can remember. Never seen a doctor for it. Well general GP who just tells me to join Wright watchers etc...

I was a normal size at 20. After my first kid I went up to about 13 stone.

15 years later I'm now almost 16 stone.

I've lost 1.5 stone though a shake replacement diet but now I've just fell off the wagon.

This morning I've had.
3 kit kats
A curry pastie
4 jammy dodgers

Once I start I just CANNOT stop myself. Its like I try and fill this emptyness with food but it never works.

I can't do this anymore.

I always lose a stone or 2 and put it all back on.

I can't do it.

I binge. Vomit. Starve myself (600cals) or binge and don't purge gaining weight.

I never have a steady pattern

I've tried
Slimfast
Keto
VLCDs
Weight watchers
Slimming world

All of it.

Why am I like this :(

I totally get it,I started a thread on similar behaviour not long ago

You need to stop thinking of it as success and failure depending on the number in the weighing scale. It’s just you, your body, and part of your life. You might lose 6 stone then put 2 stone back on. That’s still a loss of 4 stone. If you do lose 6 stone, then you need to also learn to love and accept the heavier you that you were before the weight loss. If both the before and after are equally lovable and valid, then maybe you won’t jeopardise your efforts.

Like an alcoholic, to use your own analogy. That means no one can help you until you are ready to help yourself. Stop being so nasty to people who are trying to give advice.

Who have I been nasty to?

soola

Thankyou for all the advice. My head is reeling right now but I will sit down this evening and go through the thread again.

Look at the book and website suggestions etc.
Really appreciate the support x

If you think any of my polite responses to her are nasty you have lived a very sheltered life. Bless you.

But again. Thankyou for your imput Trewser :)

You clearly have far more issues than being fat. You need to be able to help yourself, if you can't do that then yes, you'll die fat.

Thankyou again Trewser :)

Remember, we all have some issues, and problems, even though it maybe different from yours. .Most of people here want to help, and be helped.

Whereabouts are you OP.
Completely 100% identify with everything you're saying, posters who think you can overcome it by not having food in the house have zero understanding of your issues.
I did get over this with hypnotherapy, your hypnotherapy sessions sound shit. I only needed one session and it was actually mostly about letting go of self hatred and some bad memories in the past. Which sounds like wacky rubbish but it really worked and I now have a pretty normal relationship with food.
If you're anywhere near the SE I will PM you her details, she was amazing.

I'm in the Northwest unfortunately.

Perhaps I just wasn't open to it properly?

I don't think it's something I could afford to look I to right now anyways. I have a lot going on financially with Christmas fast approaching, birthdays etc and it's quite expensive isn't it?

I may try the Paul McKenna downloads. Anything is worth a try :)

Any yes I have many issues.
That's the reason I am fat. Its never just about food unfortunately.

To be honest you can read all the books and do all the diets and join all the facebook groups, until you get to the root of it you'll never be normal around food.

I agree. Its just hard to get help when you can't afford to pay for it privately. It really is a battle on the NHS. Not their fault of course, everything is so stretched.

It’s actually quit easy to lose a stone. Or a stone and a half. Or even two. But when you started at a size 20 or 22 and even when you have lost almost two stone it doesn’t really feel noticeable. Certainly when I have done it I haven’t gone down sizes in clothes. Gone from. 20/22 to 18/20. Then you think I still have four stone to go. And it feels like such a slog. And it is a slog. It’s hard. Really hard to stick to any diet or way of eating long term if you have issues with depression, anxiety and self esteem.

And you feel like such a failure. So you feel more depressed. More anxious. And you want comfort. And that comfort for overweight people usually comes in the form of food and/or drink.

It’s the sheer hard unrelenting slog of it which certainly makes me feel tired just thinking about it.

I was sure I was going to win the euro last night 😂
Oh well!

Ok I will look up the type of hypnotherapy in case its any good to you in the future. There was weird tapping and regression and stuff. Who knows what she did but it worked.

Peridot you really nailed it.

I was 17.12 at my heaviest.

Am 15. 10 now and I honestly don't feel any different. I feel just as disgusting and it feels like I have so much more left to go.

It really is such an uphill struggle.

It's so much easier to turn round and go back downhill again.

E.F.T Emotional Freedom Technique. I did one session at £120. Good luck OP

I didn't have any of that. She just sort of talked about food and how I didn't need it.

I persevered but it really didn't change a single thing (apart from my bank balance 😂)

I'll look it up. Thanks :)

Hi, so sorry to hear you’re going through this.

Have you tried the Brain Over Binge podcast? If not, please give it a go. She wrote a book, too but the principles don’t need you to buy the book

Thankyou Choc. I haven't put I will add it to the list :)