If DD says one more word to me i'm going to have a nervous breakdown

[Holdingmynerve]

I have 4 DC by two different men. The first 3 have a fabulous relationship with their father and see him quite a bit. DC4 doesn't see her father at all. She's either at school or with me 24/7.

I work full time and get absolutely no time to myself at all. I don't mean a whole day or an afternoon, I mean even 30 mins to breathe.

Weekends I have to spend cleaning, running errands, food shopping and all the other shit I can't do in the week because i'm at work. She will not leave me alone for even 30 seconds. Every room I go in she follows me. Every time I sit down she is on my lap. If I impose 20 min quiet time in the same room she either sits directly on me or spends the whole time saying can we talk now, can we talk now, can we talk now.

It is relentless. All I want is some one to make me a cup of tea and let me watch a 30 min junk tv programme without DD all over me.

Her grandparents are useless and maybe see her 3 times a year. I don't even enjoy the time when the other DC aren't here because she just spends the whole time asking when they are coming back.

We've been out to the park today and she spent the whole time shouting look at me look at me look at me. We spend 2 nights a week together in the week when the others aren't here and she gets so so so much attention. We are extremely close because we have our own little relationship together but it is suffocating at times.

Any hints or tips PLEASE

No help OP but I feel your pain. DP works longs hours. By the time he's home it's dinner then bed. I work and have 2 DC youngest wants cuddles all the time, cries if I leave the room and eldest wabts to sit on my lap when on the toilet!

I know this stage finishes, i've been through it three times before but my god I am exhausted. Even now I have sworn her to silence and she is watching a film lying next to me thrashing around, tapping me with her foot, balancing on her head.

I want to scream GET OFF ME FFS

How old is she?

Clubs? If she's school aged a local church or community centre might run a youth group on a Friday or Saturday. Or some swimming pools near me do group lessons on Saturdays?

Just give her a stare next time she speaks. I do that with my class, works a treat

How old is she? As a PP suggested, clubs could be your answer.

Okay so main issues are you want more time to do things you want to do not just have to do. (That is both sensible and reasonable).

Dd doesn’t self direct towards play or solitary activities.

I don’t know her age but here are a few suggestions:

Can you find her a Saturday morning club in something she’s interested in? Gymnastics? Sports team?

Online shopping done in your lunchbreak at work so you have less jobs to do in the time you do have.

Cleaning rota for your whole family so not all the jobs are left to you on a Saturday/Sunday .

(Home) Cinema. Put on a film in the living room with snacks. You go upstairs and read your book/ have a snooze.

Encourage an attachment to a special teddy so she can stay in a room alone with teddy.

Both watch different programmes in the same room using earphones. Then you can watch your programme.

That’s all I can think of the top of my head.

I hope you get some useful suggestions that can help release some of the tension x

She's 4. Just started reception. Any clubs I would need to go with her. I'm spread so thin as it is.

She swims after school on a tuesday but I have to be in the pool with her. We go to the park after school each day, but again I am there. She has a toucan box subscription but I need to do it with her.

My eldest DD (14) will have her for an hour or so for me if I go out but I invariably come home to utter chaos and only me to sort it. It isn't worth it.

If she's 4 can't she have 30-45min of quiet time alone in her room? Set a timer so she knows when she can come out. If she won't follow it put a reward system in place so she is motivated to stay and entertain herself for a while.

Could DD14 be paid to take her to an activity one night a week? Cubs, athletics, gymnastics - something tiring.

Everyone in the house does have to do chores but it still leaves an endless list of stuff which isn't 'everyday chores'. Today i've done all the uniform for all 4 of them, washed the bins out, hoovered the whole house, fixed the broken cupboard door, taken the car to get cleaned, entertained DD all day, burnt all the garden rubbish and cut back the out of control brambles. I've still got dinner to put on, help with homework when the older ones get back and get a jump on my work emails for tomorrow.

Plus I need a bath at some point. I'm just bloody exhausted.

I really really need to work on her being in a room on her own without coming to find me. That is the biggest issue atm. Constantly calling to see where I am and what i'm doing and wanting to help.

My just turned 4 year old goes to gymnastics, ballet and horse riding which are all ‘drop and run’, check the clubs near you to see if any are similar.

A kindle for DD is the only thing that gives me a bit of time to think.

I resorted to going out for a long drive yesterday in the hope of turning the music up and having some thinking time.

She just shouted mummy guess what, mummy listen to my joke, mummy mummy mummy. Drove me up the wall

She sounds sort of insecure, like she constantly needs her attachment to you to be reinforced.

@holdingmynerve
At 4 you should start getting stricter . What do you mean by chaos? If she has started school she needs to start following rules

I hate that stage. What time does she got to bed? My eldest (whobis like her) has a 6pm bedtime at that age for my own sanity.

I'm going to have a look at clubs and where I could fit one in.

Thank you

You may be able to get help with childcare costs from T.Credits.

A childminder or a nursery for after school?

My DD gets picked up from school and goes to a nursery until 18.00pm once a week.

That might help.

How is she at school?

Rainbows? That’s a drop and run activity.

Also, look for more swimming lessons. It’s unusual to have to be in the pool with a 4 year old. Find one where you can just sit on the side and mindlessly scroll!

Or afterschool club on one night when your other DC are with their dad?

Chaos in that the house will be a tip, drinks everywhere, DD will just feed her to placate her so the kitchen will be in a tip. DD4 will have changed outfits a million times and thrown her clothes all over the place.

At the end of the day it isn't older DD's job to parent her so I don't feel like i can pull her up on it. I'm her parent not DD.

She doesn't even HAVE a bed. She has slept in with me since she was born. I don't have the energy to tackle it. And I have a superking bed and she literally sleeps wrapped around me all night. She goes to sleep about 9 and we get up at 6 as she goes to breakfast club before school.

Weirdly enough she isn't in the slightest bit clingy at school etc. She goes in with no tears, didn't even look back on her first day. She is very confident but as she tells me everytime I ask her to give me some space 'but we're best friends mummy'

Sounds like she really wants your attention and that she's also bored. Can you get her to do chores with you- maybe she'll see it's not very fun.
could you make a visual timetable/planner that sets out the plan for the afternoon and give her say 2 30 minute 'mummy/ daughter' activity slots where she chooses what you do. Then you put your activities on it - washing up/ tv etc and let her choose independent activities in those slots. Maybe use a timer to keep her motivated and on track. Try a reward chart for independent play etc
Some of the 'watch me'behaviour is totally understandable though.

It does sound intense. My 5 and 4 year olds sleep 7-7 (I also have an 8 month old baby) and I need that time post 7pm to often just sit in silence.