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Original poster

If DD says one more word to me i'm going to have a nervous breakdown

133 replies

Holdingmynerve · 15/09/2019 17:03

I have 4 DC by two different men. The first 3 have a fabulous relationship with their father and see him quite a bit. DC4 doesn't see her father at all. She's either at school or with me 24/7.

I work full time and get absolutely no time to myself at all. I don't mean a whole day or an afternoon, I mean even 30 mins to breathe.

Weekends I have to spend cleaning, running errands, food shopping and all the other shit I can't do in the week because i'm at work. She will not leave me alone for even 30 seconds. Every room I go in she follows me. Every time I sit down she is on my lap. If I impose 20 min quiet time in the same room she either sits directly on me or spends the whole time saying can we talk now, can we talk now, can we talk now.

It is relentless. All I want is some one to make me a cup of tea and let me watch a 30 min junk tv programme without DD all over me.

Her grandparents are useless and maybe see her 3 times a year. I don't even enjoy the time when the other DC aren't here because she just spends the whole time asking when they are coming back.

We've been out to the park today and she spent the whole time shouting look at me look at me look at me. We spend 2 nights a week together in the week when the others aren't here and she gets so so so much attention. We are extremely close because we have our own little relationship together but it is suffocating at times.

Any hints or tips PLEASE

OP posts:

Original poster

Holdingmynerve · 15/09/2019 17:35

None of the after school clubs are open to reception and she already goes to breakfast club at 7.30 so I can get to work. The lack of after school care around here is a massive issue. A new childminder started in the village and she had a waiting list before she even opened her doors.

OP posts:

Original poster

Holdingmynerve · 15/09/2019 17:38

I've literally just said to her 'right mummy is going to put the dinner on, you stay here and watch the rest of your film'

No mummy i'll help you...

I've told her no and to stay in the living room. She's now just stood in the kitchen door asking me questions about every little thing i'm doing ffs

OP posts:

YouJustDoYou · 15/09/2019 17:39

She loves her mummy. She misses you, and just wants to be with you all the time. It's hard for you- no time alone is very stressful. But it's not easy to expect a child to leave their parent alone. I'm there - I get it. My only alone time is when they're asleep, and even then I get no hobbies or genuine downtime, just chores and maybe 30 mins tv or book before I have to get to sleep because some of them still wake in the night for wees or whatever. It's relentless. But she's only wee - She loves you so much. It won't be forever, try and hang in there.

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Jbraise · 15/09/2019 17:39

That is because the teachers at school don’t give her all the attention .Shes 4 I would start implementing a time out punishment. Make it clear if the house is a tip when you get in she will be in time out.

I’m not blaming you op btw

YouJustDoYou · 15/09/2019 17:40

Totally not helpful, I know.

Ellapaella · 15/09/2019 17:40

Do you go to sleep at the same time as her? If so that would be my first step.. get her to bed a bit earlier, I have a 4 year old just starting reception and he'd be really tired going to sleep at 9pm. Could she go upstairs around 6.30 after a bath and have some quiet time watching something on one of the older kids kindles? Then story at 7.30 and lights of at 8? At least you'd then have some a couple of hours in the evening to yourself.

Jbraise · 15/09/2019 17:41

And time out every time she does something you tell her not to . Like not staying in the living room.

OhTheRoses · 15/09/2019 17:41

TBF op, she's four, not quite in the others' gang (different dad) and she's just staeted school which is a mighty shock to her teeny tiny system.

I'd give it three weeks then sign her up to something like StageCoach which is a three hour gig.

I well recall sitting in Waterstones with a coffee and a book and being joined by one of the mums from school and her children who glibly said 'oh can you keep an eye while I choose a book' and having to say "I'm really sorry, but I work full-time and this is my time, I get no other" she was a rather tedious, unboundaried parent

BelleSausage · 15/09/2019 17:42

Bless her. It sounds tough. DD is a bit like this but will at least play with her dolls in the bath (as she is now) while I have a rest.

That is my top tip. Dd loves baths and is just old enough to be alone in the bathroom. She talk and sings to her dolls constantly so I can hear she’s ok. She’ll happily do 40 mins in there now she knows how to use the taps for more hot water.

Find something that she can do on her own- colouring, dot-to-dot, imaginary play, watching CBeebies. Start with ten minutes and then work up until you can leave her to entertain herself for a bit. It’ll do her good too.

Good luck!

Ellapaella · 15/09/2019 17:42

Sorry for the typos.

SalrycLuxx · 15/09/2019 17:42

How close to 5 is she? My rainbows unit is drop and run, so you’d get an hour and 15 minutes of peace or thereabouts if you can get her in.

LuckyLou7 · 15/09/2019 17:42

Get her a bed for starters, she can't sleep with you for ever. She needs her own space.

SalrycLuxx · 15/09/2019 17:43

stagecoach is also drop and run and is fabulous.

Original poster

Holdingmynerve · 15/09/2019 17:44

We both go up to bed together at 8. Even the other kids are still up! We read for 30 mins together and then the lights go off and I put my TV on and she turns over and goes to sleep.

I'm really strict with her at that point, if she talks I just ignore her or tell her to go to sleep repeatedly. It only usually takes 30 mins.

If I took her upstairs when the rest of them were still up.....tbh I don't even know what would happen! She would be down the stairs in 2 mins ive no doubt

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 15/09/2019 17:45

She has attachment issues presumably because her Dad has left and her siblings leave 2 nights a week and she is scared that if she loses sight of you you will go too

And people want to punish that?

I agree with getting her to do things (rainbows say from 5) where she goes places not you leave her

Quartz2208 · 15/09/2019 17:45

Stagecoach is anotjer

RandomMess · 15/09/2019 17:45

Invite play mates around!!

Was my saviour, she's not much less demanding at 14 (youngest of 4 too...)

Ellapaella · 15/09/2019 17:46

I know it's hard but it sounds like a bit of sleep training is needed. Maybe the others could go up to their rooms the same time and just chill upstairs doing their own thing?
I have three dc, one is a teenager but the younger two both go upstairs at the same time.

Original poster

Holdingmynerve · 15/09/2019 17:46

She's about 4 and a half..

She LOVES baths but (and this is outing but i've name changed) I work with trauma/accidents and i've seen leaving small children alone in the bath go wrong enough times that I wouldn't leave her.

She does bath with her next sibling up tbf. But then i'm trying to give the other two some attention!

OP posts:

Jbraise · 15/09/2019 17:47

@Quartz2208

But she is ok at school .

Bookworm4 · 15/09/2019 17:47

Can you get her own bed? Does she have a room? I’d try for sleeping in her own bed, if you can do this it will give you the evening to relax a bit. Does she never amuse herself?

Original poster

Holdingmynerve · 15/09/2019 17:47

I can't hack playdates. Get home from 7 hours at work and ive already got 4 kids in the house, I can't deal with someone elses!

OP posts:

BelleSausage · 15/09/2019 17:48

Wow. That sleep routine sounds like a nightmare.

Do you have enough space for her to have her own room or bed? Could she share with one of the others to make it an adventure?

bridgetreilly · 15/09/2019 17:48

"If I took her upstairs when the rest of them were still up.....tbh I don't even know what would happen! She would be down the stairs in 2 mins ive no doubt"

I think, if you can bear it, I would start working on this. She goes to bed. Audio book goes on. Light off, door closed. "Mummy has got things to do, so you go to sleep."

And when she comes to get you (she will), she just gets taken back to bed every time, no fuss, no engagement, just 'It's time for bed now, go to sleep). It won't happen overnight, but it won't take too long either. And then, every night from 8pm you will be free of her clinginess, even if the other kids are still up for a while.

Original poster

Holdingmynerve · 15/09/2019 17:49

If she had a room she would need to share with her two sisters. They do have a huge room and she could have the spare bottom bunk which is used for if they have friends to sleep over.

God knows how that would work with teenage DD going to bed and not waking her up though. I can't move to a bigger house!

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