Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

If DD says one more word to me i'm going to have a nervous breakdown

133 replies

Holdingmynerve · 15/09/2019 17:03

I have 4 DC by two different men. The first 3 have a fabulous relationship with their father and see him quite a bit. DC4 doesn't see her father at all. She's either at school or with me 24/7.

I work full time and get absolutely no time to myself at all. I don't mean a whole day or an afternoon, I mean even 30 mins to breathe.

Weekends I have to spend cleaning, running errands, food shopping and all the other shit I can't do in the week because i'm at work. She will not leave me alone for even 30 seconds. Every room I go in she follows me. Every time I sit down she is on my lap. If I impose 20 min quiet time in the same room she either sits directly on me or spends the whole time saying can we talk now, can we talk now, can we talk now.

It is relentless. All I want is some one to make me a cup of tea and let me watch a 30 min junk tv programme without DD all over me.

Her grandparents are useless and maybe see her 3 times a year. I don't even enjoy the time when the other DC aren't here because she just spends the whole time asking when they are coming back.

We've been out to the park today and she spent the whole time shouting look at me look at me look at me. We spend 2 nights a week together in the week when the others aren't here and she gets so so so much attention. We are extremely close because we have our own little relationship together but it is suffocating at times.

Any hints or tips PLEASE

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 15/09/2019 17:50

Yes because school is her leaving the OP there is a key difference between her going and the OP going
Which is why clubs should work

sashamichele · 15/09/2019 17:51

I feel your pain. I have 5 kids older 3 are teenagers but I have a 5 & 2 year old and they are stuck to me constantly. Their dad works long hours and is home an hour before their bedtime if he try's to take them out for a few hours to give me a break on a Saturday the 5 year old won't go without me so he ends up taking the 2 year old. She follows me everywhere and all I hear is "mummy mummy mummy" I just want to pull my eyeballs out. It's been like it since she turned 5 in may, before that she was fine now she just hangs around me constantly.

Teddybear45 · 15/09/2019 17:51

You need to consider private clubs that allow drop and run. Private tuition places like Kumon can and will accept 4 yos by themselves, as will many gymnastics / theatre / singing classes

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
RandomMess · 15/09/2019 17:52

I meant play dates at the weekend tbh and of course you may get the offer returned...

Fresta · 15/09/2019 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Redwinestillfine · 15/09/2019 17:53

Be really strict on bedtimes. Implement a 7-7 in her room whether she's asleep or not so you at least get guarenteed down time. Definitely look into clubs as well. Also would you consider having a friend of hers over for tea? It may sound counter intuitive but if my Dd has a friend then she needs my undivided attention a lot less!

Disfordarkchocolate · 15/09/2019 17:56

Can you fit a child's best in your room?

Can you afford a cleaner?

Perhaps the older children should start doing their own washing?

Perhaps the older children could cook a meal a week? Even if it goes in the freezer to be used any night?

Pringlesfortea · 15/09/2019 17:57

Routine is your friend ...bath her at 6 pm ,bed and story at 7.then wake her up early for school ..this way you get an evening to yourself

giggleshizz · 15/09/2019 17:57

I am a single parent to a six year old DD with no involvement from father so I totally get this. My DD never stops talking. I can literally feel myself going insane over the weekend.

This may not be to everyone's liking but short term can you use tv or device? I use the iPad as quite times so I can get some space eg 30 minute screen time.

DD is an only child but I do encourage her to play, sometimes if I spend 5-10 minutes playing with her, she will happily play for a bit on her own.

It's hard, my DD talks constantly and most of it a rubbish and just becomes a buzzing in my ear. She's a lovely girl but sometimes I just wish she would shut up!!!!

ProhibitedRodent · 15/09/2019 17:58

My DD is exact same age and is the same way. I have nearly had a breakdown too. I've screamed at her very loudly and I'm not proud.

Now, if she starts nagging for my attention, I tell her "When that hand on the clock gets to number X, we'll play Tummy Ache (insert Orchard game/board game) and it's your job to keep an eye on the clock!"

I know you can't do that every single time but it really does help Thanks

ProhibitedRodent · 15/09/2019 17:58

Ps I'm also a single parent

drivingtofrance · 15/09/2019 17:58

Sounds hard OP.

I would say the first step is to get her own bed in another room. There's space in with the middle two?

I only had one DC who was very easy and I was still exhausted.

ProhibitedRodent · 15/09/2019 18:00

@Fresta No father

Are you fucking kidding me? So if the father runs away it's the mother you make feel guilty is it? Disgraceful

Knittedfairies · 15/09/2019 18:05

So you don't even get the evening to yourself when she's gone to bed! I can see why you're struggling but it seems to me that she sees you as a constant playmate/companion. Is there anyway to fit a bed for her into your room? I think having her own bed would be a start.

Ginger1982 · 15/09/2019 18:08

This is probably not a popular opinion but your situation is why I would never encourage long term co-sleeping. I think you really need to sort out the bedroom situation.

I don't think @Fresta was suggesting it was your fault about her dad but it obviously can't be lost on her that her siblings have a dad that loves them and takes them out whereas you are all she has.

TacoLover · 15/09/2019 18:10

Are you fucking kidding me? So if the father runs away it's the mother you make feel guilty is it? Disgraceful

Well they didn't say it was the OP's fault. But I think it's incredibly possible that not getting to have a father when her other 3 siblings do has something to do with her having attachment issues.

Fresta · 15/09/2019 18:10

I didn't say it was the OP's fault- but from the child's perspective it can't go unnoticed can it? It could be one of many reasons why she is so insecure!

Bluntness100 · 15/09/2019 18:12

It sounds like she is insecure. She doesn't see her father like the others, and only has you. And the more you try to push her away, just for alone time, the more she wants to cling to you for reassurance.

I think it's time for her own bed too. The co sleeping isn't helping here. And you're right, it is not your other kids responsibility to look after her and you can never leave her alone in the bath.

I suspect showing her you love her and reassuring her might help, make her feel wanted. I suspect it's the only way.

AntiHop · 15/09/2019 18:13

My daughter is the same age and she has some similar behaviour. I cuddle her to go to sleep every night. She only sleeps 9.5/10 hours a night. She is very full on. My partner takes her to the park every day after nursery (now school). She can keep herself engaged with solitary play, but if she's in a chatty mood, there's no chance of having a conversation with anyone else. As other pp have said, it's unsurprising that she's clingy to you. Please don't use punishments like time out. Punishing her for wanting her to be close to her mum is heart breaking.

You must be exhausted op.

AntiHop · 15/09/2019 18:17

Ps I strongly disagree with pp about stopping Co sleeping. She wants to be close to you, and that's natural and understandable. My child has her own bed but falls asleep with me. We carry her asleep to her own bed and most nights she brings herself back in. I'm not going to stop her if it makes her feel happy and secure.

TrueFriendsStabYouInTheFront · 15/09/2019 18:17

I think it's the bed situation. I also have a 4yo DD. She came into my bed about 6 months ago when she was poorly and it ended up going on for about 3 months. In that time, she went from being pretty independent and able to play alone, to being stuck to me 24/7. I honestly think she felt like I was hers and that sharing a bed meant that we must be together all the time. It really damaged her independence, when you'd think they'd be feeling so secure getting to spend so much time with you. It weirdly has the complete opposite effect!

Trust me, get the bed, make a big thing about it like "you're such a big girl now, let's go to ikea and choose a bed and some pretty bedding for you" non-negotiable, you need to be cruel to be kind. You need to foster her independence or she is going to end up an anxious mess when she's older

HerkyBaby · 15/09/2019 18:19

A lot of her behaviours indicate ADHD. It will be interesting to see if she exhibits the same type of behaviour at school.

RandomMess · 15/09/2019 18:19

Do posters not realise it may just be this child's personality??

I have 4 DDs #1 and #4 are both like this but #4 more extreme. It is utterly exhausting and nothing to do with them being insecure.

#1 moans about how exhausting #4 is due to the constant desire for interaction- creases us up because they are less in a pod.

They are "doers" need to be kept busy and I suppose extrovert as they get their energy through being with others, meanwhile introvert parent feels utterly hammered as they don't get down time to recover and recharge...

TrueFriendsStabYouInTheFront · 15/09/2019 18:20

@AntiHop but it's an oxymoron isn't it? She should feel secure in her own bed, but she doesn't because she's used to sharing with you. So she's not happy and secure if her sleep is disturbed coming back into your room at some point on the night. She needs to feel happy and secure in her home in its entirety, not glued to your hip.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/09/2019 18:20

My dd is the same. She’s an only child. I implemented a sticker chart with various things. One of them was play by herself for 15 mins. It then went up to 30. The rule was she only talked to me if urgent and by this I mean if the house was on fire. I set her activities. It did encourage independent play. She is 11 and the sort of child, who only wants to do things with other children. She also sleeps in my bed. She actually didn’t start this until 6 when we were burgled and due to my chronic illness I haven’t managed to get her out.

Play dates at the weekend when your other children aren’t here because you will get return invites and time when your dd is interacting with the other child instead of asking you when her siblings are coming home.

What is your relationship with the father of your other children like? I have read occasional posts on here, where the father of the other children also takes their sibling on contact days too. Would your ex ever consider this?

Swipe left for the next trending thread