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Original poster

anyone awake? Please chat with me for an hour

379 replies

WLmum · 10/09/2019 04:40

Hello, is anyone awake and willing to chat with me about anything at all.
I'm waiting for daybreak, and then for school drop off time, so I can go and be with my truly amazing, so loved dm while she passes away. I am heartbroken. Been awake most of the night wondering if she's going to hold on long enough for me to with her.

Anyone else up? Tell me what you're up for and help me pass the time. Please.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Lepetitpiggy · 13/09/2019 16:59

The limbo is so hard . When mum was poorly we had three months to sort of prepare, although they had given her a week after a massive stroke, and the last two weeks were easily the hardest. I so feel for you.

EarringsandLipstick · 13/09/2019 18:59

This period is utterly exhausting & draining. Just letting you know I'm thinking of you & your mum x

Original poster
WLmum · 13/09/2019 19:29

Thank you.
earrings I'm grateful for your continued support

OP posts:
VanillaSugarr · 14/09/2019 06:44

Thinking of you WL FlowersBrew

catnidge · 14/09/2019 06:53

Hi WLmum. I was with my dad when he passed and am so grateful that I was.
However, you do need time to rest so if you are not there please don't feel bad. It sounds like you and your brother are doing amazingly well with your mum and I'm sure the love you have for her is known to her.

I did miss my mums passing, it was difficult but I know I did what I could.

Be kind to yourself, this time is very surreal. I'm here for a handhold.

HollysTeflonSeptum · 14/09/2019 07:26

Just checking in with you OP. I know how awful this limbo time is. I didn't have it with my mother but with my step mother who I was very close to.

When it was near the end and she was unconscious but comfortable we would take turns to read to her from her well-thumbed classic novels and poetry etc. I'm sure on some level she heard and was, I hope, comforted by our familiar voices. It seemed to calm us too.

Original poster
WLmum · 14/09/2019 20:47

Thank you hollys that's a lovely thing to do. We are mostly hanging out in her room, talking to her and holding her hand, or chatting to each other. With some periods of being quiet - it would drive me nuts if people talked around me all day!
Today has been quite tough, she's been in pain and I worry how long the pain was there before she was able to communicate that to us.
I went home and had dinner with my dds this evening but came back quicker than planned as was feeling anxious about not being here.

OP posts:
Wilmalovescake · 14/09/2019 22:57

Thinking of you x

twirlypoo · 14/09/2019 23:18

I’m thinking of you and your family WLMum Flowers

ItsInTheSpoon · 14/09/2019 23:43

What you’re doing is wonderful @WLmum - the best anyone could hope for towards the close of their life x

rainbowruthie · 14/09/2019 23:50

Sending kindest thoughts and wishing you strength Flowers

Aquestionforyouall · 14/09/2019 23:56

Thinking of you OP. Your words about your mum have brought me to tears. You sound like a lovely daughter and your mum sounds just wonderful.

MartiniDry · 15/09/2019 00:01

I've only just read your thread. Please know that I'm thinking of you and your Mum and wishing you all love, light and peace.

Longlivepenguins · 15/09/2019 00:01

Dropping back in to send you a handhold. I had to go through this last year with my father in hospital. I clearly remember the exhaustion too, especially those last few days and nights. She's lucky to have you there and be at home. Flowers

sashh · 15/09/2019 05:52

Morning, thinking about you.

EarringsandLipstick · 15/09/2019 07:22

Just sending support & love if you're checking here.

❤️

bubblebar · 15/09/2019 07:49

Thanks thinking of you op

HollysTeflonSeptum · 15/09/2019 09:02

Yes OP, not sure I'd want constant chatter around me either.

About the pain, the nurses are normally very well trained on getting pain management just right. They can tell she's in distress without her saying so.

Sending love Thanks.

Quirrelsotherface · 15/09/2019 09:17

Thinking of you. I've been there - the most surreal time of my life. I'm not particularly religious but I believe my DM chose when she wanted to go. When she was ready and when her family were as 'ready' as they'd ever be. Her last day I just sat by her bedside and played her all her favourite tunes from her entire life.
Be kind and gentle to yourself Flowers

Original poster
WLmum · 15/09/2019 10:03

Thank you all. I can't believe I'm still sitting her. I really thought it was it last night, called dbs, there was defo something going on. I felt she was in pain but as she's unresponsive, so hard to tell. District nurses came out and agreed to top up meds (they, and the hospice staff have been fantastic) which settled things and now we're back to calm.

OP posts:
WhenPushComesToShove · 15/09/2019 14:16

When my beloved Mum was in a similar situation, I held her hand, told her how much I loved her and said it's time to go now, let go Mum and go in peace and within 20 mins she was gone. It was actually a beautiful moment when she was finally free

Cozyblanket · 15/09/2019 17:28

I’ve just seen this thread, I have been where you are and it’s hard, it’s also quite a special time. Hold hands & say what you need to say, I’m thinking of you.
It’s tough but you will get through it because of her, who she is and who she’s made you to be. X

Whoopstheregomyinsides · 15/09/2019 17:57

Oh love. I'm so sorry you're going through this but you're doing a wonderful thing which will bring comfort to you later. Sending love

TheMustressMhor · 16/09/2019 09:32

How are you coping now WLmum - I have been thinking about you and your family.

Terminal pain relief at home is so much better than it was when my mum died.

I hope you're managing to eat and drink.

Original poster
WLmum · 16/09/2019 10:32

Thank you for checking in lovely people.
I'm still sat by her bedside. Nobody imagined it would go on so long. The hospice were giving us strong signals this time last week. The district nurses and hospice home care team have been wonderful, but I do think dm is getting some breakthrough pain which is so hard to watch, and hard to be sure of when she's unresponsive. Db and I spend a lot of time scrutinising her face for signs of pain. She can occasionally give a slight indication with her hand too but it's unreliable.
I want her to be at peace now, as hard as that is to admit. I wanted her to fight for so long but it's time to surrender.
Went to sleep about 1 last night having had the district nurse out, then up at 5 to check on her (Dbs checking in between) and go home so dh could go to work.
Dd3 was so sweet and said it's nice to have you back mummy while I was helping her get ready for school. Then at school she told her friend that I live at grandmas now :-(

OP posts:
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