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Original poster

One week into reception term and i'm about to fall out with another school mum

407 replies

DoggerDidIt · 07/09/2019 09:40

I'm posting on here so I don't reply to her message Angry

We have a class whatsapp group set up by one of the mums. All very polite and nice since it's only been going a week.

Someone commented on the parking in the morning and I said it wouldn't affect me from now on as DD will be going to breakfast club with her sister in the mornings. Another mum then replied with 'whats breakfast club'. I replied assuming she wanted the details for her DC.

Instead she comes back with 'oh my gosh, thats difficult for your DD, I couldn't cope with having to leave DC on their own at that time of the morning poor thing'. At this point I kind of thought WTF and just replied saying 'well I need to get to work so she doesn't really have a choice haha, I'm sure she will be fine, her sister will be with her'. She then comes back with a fucking essay about how difficult she would find it having to leave her DC for that long and with strangers Hmm and won't DD miss out on going into class with all her friends and very head tilty poor DD comments.

I'm sitting on my hands to not reply well you have that fucking luxury because your husband works and you don't fucking need to leave your DC to go to work you utter knob.

I feel like i am having to defend being a single mum and needing to use fucking childcare!

OP posts:
Ellapaella · 08/09/2019 08:48

I am on a Facebook messenger group for both of my primary school boys classes. It's not about cliques or being friends it's simply a way for us all to be able to communicate about school stuff and parties etc, mostly it's quite useful.
This blogger mummy sounds like an idiot and she's revealed herself to be a knob to
the rest of the group now. Best thing to do is just ignore. It'd be even worse to engage in a bun fight with her on the thread.

ForeverBabe · 08/09/2019 08:50

I wish there was some way you could make her feel insecure and do it in a very casual manner. Maybe verbally when she is alone with you and doesn’t have witnesses to hear you say it. For example you could try saying, oh is your child doing okay these days? I heard she was struggling to socialize. It’s so important for kids her age to be independent sometimes otherwise they struggle socially all their lives.

Sometimes when people are too confident and act like snobs, you have to criticize very gently the things they are most confident of.
But remember to do it very sweetly and unassumingly so she actually believes you 😉

lilypips · 08/09/2019 08:51

It's not about cliques or being friends it's simply a way for us all to be able to communicate about school stuff and parties etc, mostly it's quite useful.

It isn't necessary though. Party invitations get sent out. Schools use letters/email/apps to give you information. The WhatsApp thing, while it may be helpful, seems to just give dramatic twats a platform. I couldn't be bothered with that at all.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
BuildBuildings · 08/09/2019 08:52

Sounds like she's trying to justify her own life choices.

Roozy123 · 08/09/2019 09:02

I would reply along the lines of- Don't get me wrong I don't love having to do that and would love to enjoy a breakfast with my kids each morning but I have to work so the kids have 0 choice. It's either breakfast club or no job. . So no money for me and them and they love going Grin

I hate people that do this btw

namechangedforthis1980 · 08/09/2019 09:04

I'd have to say something.

Not part of a WhatsApp group, but I was in a similar situation years ago when DS2 started school ( now yr 6). He made friends with a child who's mum was one of those "I'd never allow... blah blah blah" types. I bit my lip for a long time, and actually became friends with his mum (she was actually quite pleasant when away from mum mode).

Unfortunately I bit my lip for too long, and one occasion just pushed me too far and I exploded. We haven't spoken since and she's made it very uncomfortable on the school run/ with mutual friends since.

I really wish I'd said something in the early days, rather than just ignore her. She might have got the hint... maybe ConfusedGrin

dottiedodah · 08/09/2019 09:09

There is often a lot of "one upmanship" in School classes .When all the parents are together ,someone always has to look as though they are the Perfect Parent!.Its none of her business how anyone wants to raise their child.We are in the 21st Century now, and most women have to work!.Perhaps she is worried how she will cope with her precious child off to School now?

Original poster
DoggerDidIt · 08/09/2019 09:24

Holy shit, UPDATE

Woke up this morning to a message from her to the whole group. She's organising a 'get to know each other' night out at the local pub ffs Hmm

WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY?

I'm going to need a damn good excuse and there isn't a specific date yet so I can't just say i'm busy

OP posts:
LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 08/09/2019 09:25

‘Work thing’ usually works for me!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/09/2019 09:31

Well ask her if she’s is going to subsidise you any loss of earnings if you do give up your job. We can’t all be married to bankers and CEOs some of us have no choice but to go to work.

lilypips · 08/09/2019 09:33

I'm going to need a damn good excuse and there isn't a specific date yet so I can't just say i'm busy

Stay quite and when it's arranged just say no thanks. Told you these groups a a crock of shit.

lilypips · 08/09/2019 09:33

Quiet Blush

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 08/09/2019 09:40

Don't take her comments personally, she is actually saying “I’d have huge problems leaving my child”, so I’d assume she has some kind of anxiety/stuff that has gone on in her life, which make her feel like this

I agree,she's speaking about herself not you,she sounds like a bag of nerves.

Ignore her,people know what she's like now.

Wrt night out- don't elaborate just say ' thanks but can't make it ' nothing more,nothing less.

Just distance yourself, it's only drama if you let it be.

Just inwardly roll your eyes a LOT 😉

Bumbags · 08/09/2019 09:41

You can’t get a babysitter (being the single parent, they all know that now) And who would pay for a babysitter just to go out with school mums.

Just no.

And I loathe big WhatsApp groups. I have left many many groups. So irritating.
Just stay silent. Use for information only. Do not engage.

formerbabe · 08/09/2019 09:42

She's an idiot and the other parents will know it... however, if you defend yourself, they may not necessarily come to your defence or openly agree with you.

Reason...she's gonna be a school gate mum who will be there at every pick up whereas they will see you far less. Plus she's a bitch clearly and most people are cowards and don't want to be the next person she's turns on.

Therefore there's more social capital in keeping on her good side than yours.

Don't respond to her

LazyDaisey · 08/09/2019 09:43

You need zero excuses. Usually a few effervescent replies, mostly silence from others. If she presses individuals, most will ignore her. What she’s doing is flushing you parents out to see which ones are her adoring fans. Two or three meets later, she and a few others will form a clique.

Nothing to see here.

Bumbags · 08/09/2019 09:45

I was invited to an event the other day and dh said that instead of lying, I should just tell the truth as to why I wouldn’t be going.

So I did. 🤦🏻‍♀️

‘Thanks so much for the invitation and I’m sure you will have a lovely time but it’s not really my thing.’

((Why would 40+ year old women wanna sit round singing songs, eating buffet food and getting to know each other? 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ And I’m currently teetotal so can’t even drink through the pain.....))

Kneeknee · 08/09/2019 09:48

What a stupid thing to say. Do other parents in the chat use the WhatsApp group?

As a rule I don't use groups for chatting. They always end in tears.

It really does say a lot and speaks volumes about her. Did she mean to sound totally clueless?

Or shame on her for making another parent feel guilty on purpose. As if raising children wasn't hard enough along with running a home and working.

Avoid her.

northerngirl2012 · 08/09/2019 09:55

Shit, so early in the term! She’s keen...

lljkk · 08/09/2019 09:55

It's an invitation not a summons.
You can leave it until evening of the even to decide whether to go, even.

In my world, women would fudge out of invite with "I'm not sure what I'm doing when. If you let me know what date you organise I'll see what I can do." vagueness.

If you can go with good humour & view her as a scientific specimen to enjoy watching for her batshit ideas, then I'd go to pub just for entertainment value. Assume she'll say something horrible but don't let it wind you up, she's allowed stupid opinions.

If you have something (anything) better to do then you don't go to pub.

blissa1 · 08/09/2019 09:57

I've got a few of the other mothers numbers from school but I'm not any Facebook group as I'm not on Facebook and I don't feel left out really. I really don't wanna be one of these school mums who all are besties for life I have my own friends yes they are lovely but I can't be bothered with all the drama it involves 🤣 I work too so I will have to use breakfast club even tho I don't want to lol
Is there anyone else who doesn't want to me be 'friends! With any of the mums or is it just me ? 😜

washyourface · 08/09/2019 09:59

I'm the mum that leaves a WhatsApp group as soon as I've been invited in. I find it so invasive, half the time there's no warning and all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of a shitty group full of people you don't know. No thank you!

She's a twat.

choli · 08/09/2019 09:59

08:50ForeverBabe
You seem lovely.

washyourface · 08/09/2019 10:00

As an aside I really believe there should be an actual 'invitation' that you can decline instead of just finding yourself in a group that someone has decided to set up.

TwatCat · 08/09/2019 10:02

I'd reply with "your poor dd, I couldn't possibly leave my child at home to go to the pub of all places! Do you leave dd for the pub often?"