One week into reception term and i'm about to fall out with another school mum

[DoggerDidIt]

I'm posting on here so I don't reply to her message

We have a class whatsapp group set up by one of the mums. All very polite and nice since it's only been going a week.

Someone commented on the parking in the morning and I said it wouldn't affect me from now on as DD will be going to breakfast club with her sister in the mornings. Another mum then replied with 'whats breakfast club'. I replied assuming she wanted the details for her DC.

Instead she comes back with 'oh my gosh, thats difficult for your DD, I couldn't cope with having to leave DC on their own at that time of the morning poor thing'. At this point I kind of thought WTF and just replied saying 'well I need to get to work so she doesn't really have a choice haha, I'm sure she will be fine, her sister will be with her'. She then comes back with a fucking essay about how difficult she would find it having to leave her DC for that long and with strangers and won't DD miss out on going into class with all her friends and very head tilty poor DD comments.

I'm sitting on my hands to not reply well you have that fucking luxury because your husband works and you don't fucking need to leave your DC to go to work you utter knob.

I feel like i am having to defend being a single mum and needing to use fucking childcare!

what's breakfast club?
With wide, blinking Disney eyes? She knew. She absolutely knew.

Your answer was good, no not engage further.

But please now post an open invite asking everyone to join you at McDonalds for tea on Friday & let us know what happens.

There are three things you must do:-

1. Ignore her
2. Ignore her

and, most importantly,

3. Ignore her

Totally agree with everyone else that she has shown her true colours very early on and to everyone else’s benefit. I wouldn’t have sent it but I would have been tempted to reply: I’ll worry about taking the steps I need to to provide for my family and you can worry about your child’s inability to consent to growing up in the public eye.

I'd ignore it. To be honest people like that really aren't worth the effort. If you reply she'll just come back with an even more annoying reply.

Well done for finding the class mum to avoid so early in the term though. Other mums will be taking note 😂. And probably looking on while her DC cries at every drop off because they've never been away from mum.

" aaaawwww bless, is this your first?" would be a good response! [viper]

stupid cow

Just don't engage.

I would try to leave the WhatsApp chat with her for a bit and see if you can have a chat with her face to face . Social media can really give the wrong impression of things because you can't see the persons face . And I'm the most guilty of this , but I am aware of it . Maybe she is genuinely struggling and for want to have a clingy child? Maybe she is insensitive in which case just give her a wide berth !

Ignore - people say dumb ass things

Your reply -

You’re right, I shouldn’t be leaving my children at the breakfast club but I need to leave early to get to work on time.

Your concern about my children has touched me and I am sure you won’t mind if instead of them going to the breakfast club, if I drop them off at yours for breakfast with your children and you take them in.

I really appreciate your being such a kind hearted person. Xxx

Wish I was on this WhatsApp group. My DS actually cried because I took him to school for 3 days so he didnt have to go to breakfast club. He missed his "not class friends" 🤣

I think you’re all being very harsh.

She just really loves her kids.

Ignore ignore ignore

For some reason, she reminds me of the (complete stranger) woman from a post some time ago who watched the OP bottle-feeding her baby and somehow summoned up genuine tears before suddenly sobbing that she just felt so very, very sorry for OP's poor baby missing out on such a vitally important part of a healthy upbringing that he was being wantonly and selfishly deprived of - as if the OP was beating him with a big stick rather than just feeding him in a way that didn't involve her breasts (actually, for all the weirdo or any of us knew, it could easily have been expressed milk; she could even have been the baby's aunt or something).

I don't know if she was the same woman who danced naked in the changing room whilst playing the pan pipes to entertain and soothe her own baby....

I would love to read the blog!
I got the judgey comments about mums who work once. Followed by 'I just feel like my kids need a full time mum' I nodded and said 'yes that's right, I'm just a part time parent'. Embarrassed the shit out of them. Good.

To those who said don't engage, the op made a passing comment about parking. It wasn't a boast and it wasn't goady. She was chatting. Do you really never do such a thing? Is everything that comes out of your mouth or from your fingers calculated to achieve a specific goal?

Personally I'd just ignore her reply- she's shown herself to be twat by making those comments

I would stay in the group, definitely- DC1's class whatsapp group is essential to keep me in the loop with what's going on at school and what I need to organise next etc!

and yes DC1 is the same- loves breakfast & after school club!

And not happy at all when I turn up early to pick up in the evening!

"Oh no, she is very lucky. Social interaction at this age is very important - didn't you know? Your poor lonely DC and such a shame for her to be missing out on the opportunity to make special bonds with all her new friends".

When people comment on your life choices it’s because they are insecure about their own. It’s really nothing to do with you. Don’t give it any headspace.

I’m a sahm and, yes, I’d hate to miss out on breakfast with my dc but my dd would love to go. I can’t justify the expense and ds’ SN preclude me going back to work. It is what it is. I get just as many PA digs about being a sahm from people who know nothing about my circumstances. But that’s my point. It’s not about me. People who are secure in their choices or have good social skills don’t make personal comments. I take a deep breath and steel myself when I see them coming. But I don’t carry their issues around with me afterwards.

There’s going to be lots of this in and rubbish for years to come. Parents bragging about their dc’s extraordinary musical talents, how their reading Tolkien at the age of 7 etc etc. You need to learn to filter the nonsense or you’ll exhaust yourself. There may be serious issues too. In the last 7 years we’ve had a best friend emigrating, a parent dying unexpectedly, a child with challenging behavioural needs and a child getting assaulted on a school trip, in just one class. Save your energy for the stuff that matters.

The WhatsApp groups are brilliant for information and support and keep you connected which is especially important if you’re working and not around at the school gate. We look out for each other in those groups. Yes they are painful at the start but that’s just teething problems.

Don’t get pulled into arguments. You wouldn’t have a screaming match on the side of the road so hold yourself to similar standards online. A bland emoji or if you absolutely must, take your conversation out of the group and message privately.

In person, I’d just respond to comments about my clothes with a compliment about hers. And I’d check if she’s finding the transition to school difficult. She’s showing you her issues - badly and awkwardly - but you don’t have to sink to her level.

If I were on your what’s app group, I would have shown you massive support. I’ve never used breakfast club for my dc as I’m a childminder so it would kind of defeat the point for me, but I can completely see why parents need to use breakfast club.

Ignore her and like others have said, don’t get involved with school gate dramas either in person or on social media. I’m much happier at school now I don’t speak to anyone!

I’m a SAHM. My 5 year old asked me this week if I could go back to work so she could go to breakfast club with her friends .
Woman’s a dick. At least all the other people in the group know that now.

She’s a Wally op

Breakfast club and after school club is great for the kids My two love it
They get to play and make friends with children they might not do otherwise and the older ones are usually pretty good at showing the little ones where to put their bags and where the food is
I think you shouldn’t engage further than you have

She’s shown everyone who she really is

Oh I've had something similar- at a family party a relative asked me if I was returning to work after mat leave and I said yes, full time. He then went on a long, detailed monologue about how he and his wife think it is so important for mums to stay at home with their DC and how they decided his wife would definitely be a SAHM until their son started school although probably it would be longer as they'd have another baby by then etc. I just smiled and nodded although I felt very judged and like a shit mother the whole time. Funnily enough I spoke to his wife shortly afterwards and she confided in me how desperate she was to return to work and that she wouldn't be having any more kids as she didn't want another 4/5 years at home!