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Original poster

Friend blocked me after a gift

973 replies

Redshoesandtheblues · 07/09/2019 08:51

I wouldn't normally post about personal stuff this minor, but I am genuinely confused.

I sent overseas pal an email gift card for something she had raved about. A consumable item. No time limit on card.

She didn't acknowledge it.
Busy, I thought. And just waited for her surprised reaction when she found it.

To be clear, I took cues from her recent photos,so it wasn't off the wall. And it was in relation to something she was about to do. Either this gift card or flowers, I thought.

I spent time zooming in on makers of item, finding them and then phoning overseas and emailing, to sort out a gift card.

She blocked me!
Unblocked me to ask for her most recent gift back and told me to eff off!

I'm pretty stunned. But also worried.

Im currently unblocked , but I'm not sure how to handle this.

OP posts:
OhMsBeliever · 07/09/2019 10:29

What was the gift she gave you and wants back? It all sounds very odd.

Apolloanddaphne · 07/09/2019 10:29

Seems odd. What was her gift to you that she wants you to return? Is it maybe because it was a gift card rather than an actual gift?

everyonecaneffoff · 07/09/2019 10:29

Very odd behaviour.
If she had a problem with the gift card she should have just said instead of blocking you, unblocking you and then asking for her present back.

She lives overseas so will be using a different currency - so have you maybe fucked up a bit with the conversion. eg. if she was in Norway and you've sent her a gift card for 100 NOK thinking that was a lot of money when it's actually 9 quid and wouldn't even buy a glass of wine in Norway.

faceorembrace · 07/09/2019 10:31

I agree with Clem, no matter if you inadvertently called offence, a real friend would speak with you about it to clear things up, not block you and tell you to eff off without explanation.

If you can't actually speak to her on the phone you need to write this one off. You cant' make someone speak to you to sort things out after all.

Sorry OP, it all sucks.

faceorembrace · 07/09/2019 10:32

Yeah everyone, even if there was a currency mix up surely no normal person would end a friendship? Surely a normal person would assume a mix up and laugh it off?

LiveRightNow · 07/09/2019 10:33

I'm going to echo the posters asking what the gift she gave you was. Do you have a mutual friend that might have suggested you gave the gift away or were rude about what it was and by asking for it back she's "testing" to see if you still have it/used it? Either that or you say the gift you gave was for something she's going through with work. Might the message you sent accompanying it caused offence as it referred to that and perhaps the issue isn't at as much of an end as you thought and she think you are rubbing her nose in it?

SistersOfMerci · 07/09/2019 10:33

Well this is a conundrum I want to know the answer too.

GrumpiestCat · 07/09/2019 10:34

I agree we need to know what she wants you to return! It's the missing puzzle piece at the moment!

SeaSidePebbles · 07/09/2019 10:34

That’s just bizzare!

everyonecaneffoff · 07/09/2019 10:35

Yeah everyone, even if there was a currency mix up surely no normal person would end a friendship? Surely a normal person would assume a mix up and laugh it off?

Well obviously, that's why the first part of my post said she should have explained what the problem is and then I gave the currency mix up as an example as to why she might have been "offended".

But the whole thing is ridiculous. I'd just not bother contacting her again after this behaviour.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 07/09/2019 10:38

Has she recently started a new job at the vineyard and the picture she sent was promotional, she might therefore have thought it weird you sent her a gift related to her job?

Harshsea · 07/09/2019 10:40

Bonkers. Are you sure you clicked the right link and didn't send her some weird random inappropriate gift or something as that's the only logical explanation

Pinkarsedfly · 07/09/2019 10:40

Sometimes the answer to this kind of thing is ‘because she’s batshit.’

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/09/2019 10:41

Don't send her gift back.

Tell her it was sh*te so you've already sent it to a charity shop. You hadn't mentioned it because you didn't want to hurt her feelings, but seeing as she hasn't spared yours . . . .

(Not really -

but you are under no obligation to send a gift back)

Ayemama · 07/09/2019 10:42

Could she be pregnant or trying for a baby and feel this is inappropriate or unhelpful?
The only thing you can do is keep asking.
She said nothing was wrong, message her back and tell her that there clearly is and ask if it's to do with your latest gift.

NextTrainGoesToBEROWRA · 07/09/2019 10:43

Please tell us what her present to you was, and the monetary value of the gift card you sent her? Are they comparable?

Tonnerre · 07/09/2019 10:45

What's the gift she wants back?

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 10:52

Could she be taking it as you accusing her of being an alcoholic?

She may be trying to cut down her drinking and you bought her a voucher for wine producer

Were her parents alcoholic?

DarlingNikita · 07/09/2019 10:54

Say you won’t return the gift. She owes you an explanation.

I agree with this. It's really weird. Surely either something else (not you) has massively upset her, or there's a huge misunderstanding.

ElektraUnchained · 07/09/2019 10:54

It'll be something else. Like a pp who had a friend with the wandering eyes husband.

KurriKawari · 07/09/2019 10:55

Give her some space and then ask her.

Sorryandstressed · 07/09/2019 10:55

This must be something bigger than the voucher! I wish I had friends who sent me wine Envy

DameMargaretofChalfont · 07/09/2019 10:56

OP - Contact the sender and ask for a copy of any card/message that they enclosed with the gift.

Could they have translated your message incorrectly so your friend inadvertently received a gift card which read something along the lines of "You are an absolute fiend" instead of "You're an amazing friend".

Or could they have sent an incorrect covering note?
With you ordering from a different country a lot can get lost in translation!!!!!!

It's a long shot but we're grabbing at straws now!!!!!

NameChange84 · 07/09/2019 10:58

So...we’ve had issues with overseas gifts in the past.

One was a hamper of UK chocolates sent directly from the manufacturer to our chocolate lover friends. Thankfully they emailed to say when the gift arrived they were told they couldn’t have it unless they paid a hefty customs charge (that we had already paid directly to the manufacturer). The email was worded very nicely but basically “can we check that you are expecting us to pay this fee to receive our gift?”. They assumed we knew they would be charged, which of course we didn’t. I can see how, if they hadn’t felt assertive enough to tell us, this would have soured the relationship.

Scenario two. We regularly gave and received gifts from US friends but were spending an absolute fortune on postage and packaging. At one point our friend sent a carefully chosen paperback book over as a gift but the p&p cost more than the book. In the past we had sent beautiful carefully chosen gifts but one year we decided (after a £50 postage charge!) that we’d prefer the p&p money went directly to our friends and so we sent a visa gift card for a much larger amount than we usually would in order for them to treat themselves to something they really wanted or, as foodies, have a slap up meal on us.

It caused massive offence. They felt it was an impersonal gift and that they were always going to the effort of going to specialist shops and the post office to send hand picked, meaningful gifts “with love” and that there was much less effort involved with a gift card. They also thought this gift card pointed out the difference in income between us and they knew this was a gift they couldn’t return in monetary value but they always choose sentimental items which convey their love to our family etc etc Confused

Did she send a physical gift, whilst you sent a voucher? Is there a big difference in the amount sent? Culturally could this be offensive?

You’ve done nothing wrong, she sounds nuts btw, but I can see why this is driving you mad wanting to figure it out.

Pigflewpast · 07/09/2019 10:59

Was the gift she gave you a corkscrew?!
Brilliant