Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Friend blocked me after a gift

973 replies

Redshoesandtheblues · 07/09/2019 08:51

I wouldn't normally post about personal stuff this minor, but I am genuinely confused.

I sent overseas pal an email gift card for something she had raved about. A consumable item. No time limit on card.

She didn't acknowledge it.
Busy, I thought. And just waited for her surprised reaction when she found it.

To be clear, I took cues from her recent photos,so it wasn't off the wall. And it was in relation to something she was about to do. Either this gift card or flowers, I thought.

I spent time zooming in on makers of item, finding them and then phoning overseas and emailing, to sort out a gift card.

She blocked me!
Unblocked me to ask for her most recent gift back and told me to eff off!

I'm pretty stunned. But also worried.

Im currently unblocked , but I'm not sure how to handle this.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/09/2019 11:05

Was the gift she gave you a corkscrew?!

Grin

I love Mumsnet.

FredaFrogspawn · 07/09/2019 11:06

Do you think maybe she has a controlling partner?

dangerrabbit · 07/09/2019 11:07

How old are you both OP?
This is the sort of thing I would have been feeling guilty about in my 20s but now approaching my 40s I would just leave this person to her own devices. Whatever the reason, she can’t be bothered to communicate it with you. Who wants to involve themselves with a person who thrives on so much pointless drama? This friendship would be over for me.

milliefiori · 07/09/2019 11:09

Just get in touch and say: What on earth is going on? You mentioned recently that you loved your new wine shop. I went to the trouble of zooming in on the label to find out who they were so I could surprise you with a gift voucher from them. It took effort which I put in because I care about you and thought you'd be delighted. Instead you are blocking me and asking for your last gift to me back, so don't tell me nothing is wrong because something so blatantly is. Please explain and honestly, be blunt, I can take it. We're both already upset and offended so we may as well know why.

Then if she doesn't explain I'd let it and her go. Because if she's decided to play randomly crazy mare at you, you're better off with more grown up friends.

NotSorry · 07/09/2019 11:12

I'd go with Milliefiori reply

CocoLoco87 · 07/09/2019 11:17

Yep Milliefiori has a good reply there!

LynetteScavo · 07/09/2019 11:17

What is the gift she wants back?

NotStayingIn · 07/09/2019 11:22

I think Milliefiori‘s suggestion is perfect.

Also have you rung the wine company to just double check what they actually send?

I would be so touched if I got that gift, I think it’s really lovely and thoughtful.

isntshelovely11 · 07/09/2019 11:26

Sounds really bizarre. I'd just straight up ask why she's being so rude when for all you know you've done nothing wrong?!!

Blamangeme · 07/09/2019 11:28

soolaGrin

PatchworkElmer · 07/09/2019 11:33

milliefiori ‘s post is perfect. Send that.

InsertFunnyUsername · 07/09/2019 11:34

Maybe her partner accused her of cheating and getting presents sent to her by her side piece, and he doesn't believe that a friend she never sees somehow knew she likes this wine and what shop to get it from. Now shes had a major bust up with him, moved back home with her parents. Fighting over custody of the cat and thought that's it, I'm gonna tell OP to fuck off?

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 07/09/2019 11:35

Is this someone you used to be friends with in person, then one of you moved to a different country? Or. Have you only ever been long-distance friends, after meeting on holiday or something?

I’m curious by what you mean about she has “blocked” you- if you are proper friends you’d communicate by email/text/phone calls and not just social media or WhatsApp, has she “blocked” you from her email for example (and how would you even know if she had?).

I suggest sending her a handwritten card along the lines of what Milllefiori said, and leave it at that.

LittleAndOften · 07/09/2019 11:38

Dear friend abroad. We've been friends for a long time. I sent you a gift. You've reacted badly. Either you're not telling me something or you've gone nuts. It would be nice to know what's happened, but if you don't tell me I can only conclude I've been wrong about you this whole time, and I shall move on. Regards, OP.

PS gifts are non-returnable by definition.

Starlight456 · 07/09/2019 11:41

I would just be direct...Say there clearly is an issue which I would like to resolve however unless you discuss it with me.

HotPenguin · 07/09/2019 11:43

This isn't about the present, I bet you a tenner she is upset about something on social media. E.g. You have posted something about Brexit that has offended her.

Once this happened to me - a friend, let's call her Sandra, liked a post on Facebook from a political group, it was probably something innocuous. Then one day in my feed a post came up "Mary likes random political group", with a post I found offensive. I was really shocked that Mary would have liked something like that. But eventually I realised she hadnt, she had just liked a different post some time in the past. Social media is SO manipulative.

HotPenguin · 07/09/2019 11:44

Whoops Sandra changed into Mary but you get my drift.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/09/2019 11:47

In a nut shell. You sent her a gift which I will add isn’t mandatory. She then blocked op and told her to eff off. Am I the only one disgusted in this. Maybe I’m missing something

31RueCambon75001 · 07/09/2019 12:08

Friends can cause offence occasionally without it being the end of the friendship! ie, a friend of mine was once repeating a conversation with a woman where she had thought the woman was a single parent and then when she discovered she was a widow kept apologising for her error. Tbh that offended me as there seemed to be an inherent understanding on her part that it was more respectable to be a widow and shabbier to be divorced or single. But obviously I just tried to dialogue it out of my head on the grounds that nobody is perfect themselves (ie, I'm not perfect) so it'd be a bit weird to block somebody because they accidentally offend you!

I know what you mean about social media. I work with a woman (married, with kids) and she is always referring to how hard it is, with one of them having an SN, her husband has been out of work on and off. ) I would just be very sympathetic to all of that except that I know from facebook that she is pro-life. so I can't help feeling angry that she knows firsthand how hard it is to be a parent, even when there are two of you and yet still feels it's right to be ''pro-life''. If it weren't for facebook I"d find it easier to like her on face value.

She obviously doesn't know I feel this and I wonder what incongruencies my real self and my facebook feed present to my fb friends. Hard to know when you're in the eye of your own blindstorm.

wowfudge · 07/09/2019 12:36

I reckon it's something to do with the vineyard/wine shop and they've either used her for promotional purposes without her agreement or said something and she's embarrassed.

Moltenpink · 07/09/2019 12:39

Was the work issue personal or sensitive, and you somehow outed her with the gift card? We all need to know now...

DCITennison · 07/09/2019 12:41

I don’t see how you’re linking her being pissed off with the gift.

birdlawyer · 07/09/2019 12:41

How strange

Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 07/09/2019 12:46

You lot are funny!!

Corkscrew!! 🤣

Definitely no misunderstanding
/lost in translation scenario.

No secretly lustful husband.

No political drama.

It really is as I've said.

Her gift was a DIY cocktail set. A few minature bottles and a recipe. Much appreciated! Wine

My gift was a lot more than that in terms of value, but I wanted her to get a few bottles as and when she fancied them.

Monetary value has never played a part in our gifts before either. So, no offense there either. We don't keep score.

Im not on Facebook so can scrub that.
No mutual friends. Had one, but they fell out a few years ago.
Never found out what that about. They refuse to talk about each other and I just accepted that as their choice.

Im blocked again. I sent message saying.....Fresh start today? Smile

Im at a loss.

OP posts:
WhoKnewBeefStew · 07/09/2019 12:49

How very strange, unless she's a recovering alcoholic I can't think why she's get so annoyed. I think I'd respond with;

Dear friend, sorry you feel this way, your gift is on its way back to you, could you please do me the same courtesy and return the gift voucher for X place, that I sent you? If at some point you'd like to tell me what the hell is going on (as I haven't a clue), I'd be grateful.
Thanks
X