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Original poster

I’m going to have to tell her straight aren’t I?

450 replies

PinkBlossomTrees · 06/09/2019 10:33

This situation is quite complicated but I will try to explain briefly.

My oldest best friend who I used to go to school with has a DD the same age as mine. They live close by and the girls went through nursery and school together.

In year 3 her DD started bullying my DD. My DD didn’t tell me for 2 years. I took it straight to the head when I found out and parents were called in. My friend was unhappy I went to the school and not her. DD moved classes on her request and had a happy final year at school.

The girls are now both in year 9 at different schools. Me and my friend have rekindled our friendship, it’s not the same as before but we are friends. Our DDs have nothing to do with each other but we’ve moved on it’s all in the past.

During the holidays my friend said her DD may possibly need my help with something (to do with my job) and would I possibly be prepared to help her out and if so how much would I charge. I ran it past my DD first and she said she had no problem with it. So I said to my friend that should be fine and I wouldn’t charge.

My friend came back to me and said her DD does need my help and can I go round to theirs on Sunday, it’s all been arranged.

I mentioned to DD last night that I was helping her out Sunday. She’s said she’s not happy about it anymore as friends DD this week has been getting on a different school bus (same stop as my DD) and the name calling has started again and she’s shown me messages from her on Instagram calling her a “fat cunt” and saying how she should go to weight watchers.

After seeing this I have absolutely no intention of helping her out but need to let her Mum know but I have no idea what to say.
If it was you, would you make up a excuse or tell the mum straight the reason why?

I have no idea what to say.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 06/09/2019 13:43

liberal parents are really not doing their kids any good when they defend them to the hilt whatever they do.

Baffy · 06/09/2019 13:47

I bet it's not just your DD that gets this from this awful girl.

I really would be tempted to tell the Mum that you will also be informing the girl's headteacher, and possibly even the police.

Breaks my heart to think of the other children who are on the receiving end of this behaviour. And there will be others. People need to speak up so that it can be stopped once and for all.

Kaddm · 06/09/2019 13:49

You did the right thing
Hope she apologises and sorts her dd out.

Bullying isn’t properly dealt with. I don’t know why. This girl has been been bullying since Y3 and she’s now Y9. So sad for her victims and I suppose her.

Beautiful3 · 06/09/2019 13:50

Definitely screen shot it and send to her mother. Also explain the name calling when she exits the bus too. Explain that tutoring is now off due to this bullying behaviour. Please tell her straight and do not offer any help. Your daughter needs to know that you've got her back.

Jellybeansincognito · 06/09/2019 13:53

Personally I would go to their house with your DDs phone on the Sunday and show the mum the messages in front of the gobsmacked bully.

CandyLeBonBon · 06/09/2019 13:54

Rtft. Op has updated saying she's contacted the mum

hellsbellsmelons · 06/09/2019 13:54

Blimey - what a bitch the DD is.
I really hope the mum can step up and put a stop to this.
I'll never understand bullying.

Swisskit · 06/09/2019 13:57

Blatant placemark

LavaLamp5566 · 06/09/2019 13:57

If it were me I'd go to the police. This isn't a one-off, this has been going on for some time and it's classed as harassment now. What that dreadful girl needs is a very big scare.

Your DD is very brave for putting up with it for so long

LuluBellaBlue · 06/09/2019 13:59

Well done, hopefully her mother will deal with her behaviour appropriately

RavenLG · 06/09/2019 13:59

Christ, what a horrible girl. I would disassociate myself from the mum as this could have consequences for your daughter emotionally.

How is the mum generally? Just wondering if the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree IYSWIM.

BitOftheSea · 06/09/2019 14:01

i bet the other mother is mortified, I would be if I received a message like that about my child

MissEliza · 06/09/2019 14:01

I'm so furious on your behalf. I hope your DD's ok.

WobblyLondoner · 06/09/2019 14:01

Absolutely the right message. If I got that about my daughter I would be mortified.

Scrumptiousbears · 06/09/2019 14:02

If I was your friend I'd be fuming with my DD.

VaggieMight · 06/09/2019 14:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Aderyn19 · 06/09/2019 14:07

You should have followed it up with a message telling her that if this does not stop instantly, you will involve the police.

Sagradafamiliar · 06/09/2019 14:08

I'm glad you sent the message, very dignified.
I think it would've been a mistake to 'surprise' her with it in person and she would've reacted defensively and possibly with anger and seen it as a confrontation. I'm sure she's mortified and can now digest the information and think things through clearly.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 06/09/2019 14:08

Well done PinkBlossom

SaraNade · 06/09/2019 14:09

@Swisskit There is the 'watch this thread' function for that. Click on 'Watch this thread' - it is in between the last post on the page and the message box you type into. The thread will automatically go into your watched threads list.

Nanny0gg · 06/09/2019 14:11

Out of curiosity, is the help that you've been asked for anything to do with the girl's attitude/behaviour in general?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/09/2019 14:14

How horrible for your DD.
I'd be interested to know what the mum replies!

Also, since your STBEx friend's DD was stupid enough to send that via social media, you have grounds for calling "cyber bullying" which should be taken seriously by the police (although it may not be).

Bloody girls - honestly - and yes I was one and yes I suffered at the hands of bullies, but not too badly luckily - why do they DO this?!

Friends of DS1, all in Y6, are being targeted by other Y6 girls via social media as well - fecking Snapchat, of course - and our school (in Australia) won't do anything because it's "out of school hours". I'm still not sure this is an appropriate reaction by them but anyway - they recommended the parents of the bullied girls go to the police.

So I think you should too, especially if your STBEx friend kicks off.

QuimReaper · 06/09/2019 14:18

How extraordinary that the child should be asking for your help one minute and bullying your daughter the next. I wonder if it's some kind of extreme power play, hoping if she forms a relationship with you then your daughter won't feel comfortable telling you about her behaviour.

It's staggeringly thick of her to leave a paper trail in any case.

ElektraUnchained · 06/09/2019 14:24

Well done. Very dignified.

YouokHun · 06/09/2019 14:25

Well pitched message OP, clear with no room for manoeuvre from the other party but not aggressive. However angry we are (and let’s face it who wouldn’t be seething) I think it’s always better to be firm and measured. It reminds me of a mother who went into direct attack on my Y6 daughter for something she’d been told by her DD that my daughter had done. She went into full attack mode, cornering my bewildered DD and recruiting allies among the parents and other children but cutting me out of it so I had no idea what was going on. When it was proven without doubt that her DD had lied it caused her huge problems and she withdrew from the school. It was a real demonstration that the measured approach is always the right one whether something is true or not.