Effective put downs for cheeky children please

[IchiNiSan]

There are a group of boys who hang around near my home and shout cheeky comments to passersby. They're probably around 12-13, so puberty may be hitting and they want to show off. Ignoring them doesn't work, they just get brave and shout more and more comments. Any cutting put downs appreciated!

Get your phone camera out and say nothing. That usually works.

Who cut your hair? The council?

Ask them what school they go to. That should put the wind up them.

Thank you!

I’d just smile jauntily at them.

Tell them how cute they are, laugh at them, be unphased by whatever they say, infantilse them etc.

Ask them if they know ‘made up boy’s name’. When they say they don’t, say you thought they might be in his class and then name a junior school thus indicating that you think they are only ten.

These are terrible.

If you don't know what to say already, you don't have the confidence to pull it off.

Well when I was a cheeky little shit none of the put downs would work, we would all think "what's that old lady on about" yes even a 25 year old was old to us

Oh wow they'd laugh at you with any of these put downs. Please don't use any of them.

'Hi face ache/ pizza face'

Love your polyester trackies and prison white trainers'

' when your mum sat down at Asda she lowered the prices'

Kid-but I’m only small!

My mate-glances at his crotch you said it matey!

Wish I’d said it!

Don't. They'll target you then and then egg your house as they'll be too dumb to understand the put down xx

They’ll respond to any clever put down with “you fat bitch” (regardless of your weight). It won’t help.

Just ignore.
And to the pp please don't bring their mum into it

“Does your family tree fork?”

Oh I knew I lived in a rough area but I'm trying to imagine where posters must live, that insulting their mum is a good idea id get stabbed

'Hi face ache/ pizza face'

Really? This would just make the op look utterly pathetic.

Whatever one is giving you shit, look at his mates and give a head tilt towards the gob shite as if to say 'aww bless'

Call the local PSCO if it's a recurrent problem. Why would you shout back at a bunch of kids? What does that teach them?

What @leghairdontcare said. To engage on a child's level is ridiculous. Some of these comments are just awful.

I know your mum

Hi pizza face? Good grief

Ignore, ignore, ignore.
I used to live on a rough scheme and any comeback would've probably got my tyres slashed.

They will be back to school next week and the weather will start to worsen.