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Original poster

Effective put downs for cheeky children please

78 replies

IchiNiSan · 31/08/2019 16:36

There are a group of boys who hang around near my home and shout cheeky comments to passersby. They're probably around 12-13, so puberty may be hitting and they want to show off. Ignoring them doesn't work, they just get brave and shout more and more comments. Any cutting put downs appreciated!

OP posts:
HandsReachingOut · 31/08/2019 23:30

Walk past. If they jeer, roar "GET OUTTA MY PUB AND SLING YOUR HOOK" and stare them down. It worked for Peggy Mitchell. 🤷‍♀️

Aridane · 31/08/2019 23:40

Does your family tree fork?”

What does that mean?

QuestionableMouse · 31/08/2019 23:49

It's accusing them of being inbred or that their parents are related by blood.

Aridane · 31/08/2019 23:56

Thanks

MsTSwift · 31/08/2019 23:58

My Canadian friend dealt so well in this situation. She was cheerily friendly and respectful to them. Took the heat entirely out of the situation. They were abit taken aback at first but responded well. We were childfree in our twenties but always remember it. She’s a great mum of teens herself now.

SD1978 · 01/09/2019 00:02

I second the PCSO if there is one- if they are hanging around insulting people and escalate if you ignore, a wee word from the police about not being offensive would be my step one.

raspberryk · 01/09/2019 00:06

STFU you cheeky fuck/cunt.
Excuse me children/boys.
Or if I have the kids with me and they're rude "would you mind the language around small ears lads please." Usually gets a polite sorry.
I once had "I'd tap that" to which I replied "not even in your dreams baby boy, I'm old enough to be your mum" his face ShockBlush Grin

Earslaps · 01/09/2019 00:27

Agree with PPs that being overly nice works. We used to have teens hanging around the lane behind our garden, climbing our tree etc.

If we went out for any reason and they were there we'd give them a cheery hello and a wave. Asked the ringleader once how his mum was (I didn't know his mum, he had no reason to know that!), mentioned how he'd grown etc. We didn't see them after that.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 01/09/2019 00:33

Oh I am cringeing so hard for some of the people on this thread! 😂 you’ve never met teenagers, have you?

tryingtobebetterallthetime · 01/09/2019 01:15

Yes, ask them what school they go to. That worked great on a group of teen boys trying to pull up a stop sign outside our house. Or maybe it was DH's teacher voice. They never came back.

Venger · 01/09/2019 01:22

The "how's your mam?" thing works for some reason. I don't know if its maybe because I live in a relatively small place and almost everyone knows almost everyone else in a six degrees of separation sort of way: "you do know Sandra, her mum used to be the cleaner at the co-op and her brother was going out with the lass from the butchers, she was friends with Kevin who was the lollipop man".

Some teens were hanging around our back lane, swearing and smoking, being generally silly. I went out and said to the one of them in a really friendly voice "I thought that was you! I bet you don't remember me, do you? You were titchy last time you were running around my living room. How's your mam doing? Is she still living local, feels like it's been ages since I last saw her?" He mumbled something about her being fine and still living on . Told him to let her know I was asking after her and why didn't they go hang round in the park instead where at least there are benches to sit on and you can hide in the bandstand if it rains.

MiniMum97 · 01/09/2019 01:36

Be careful. I was beaten up my a group of young teens who were around the same age.

HarrietSchulenberg · 01/09/2019 01:54

Ignore or just say "Hi" as you pass.

Reminds me of when my kids were small, about 1 and 3 (now 18 and 16). Three bigger kids, about 13, were swearing really loudly in the park. I nipped over and asked them to do me a favour and mind their language as there were little ones around and they were very apologetic. The swearing stopped for about 5 mins until one of them said "Shit" by accident. The biggest one, a girl, bellowed, "THAT WOMAN SAID STOP SWEARING SO FUCKIN' SHURRUP". I had to hide my head in ds2's pram so she couldn't see me laughing. She must be nearly 30 by now and probably with children of her own.

Please don't hurl insults back, OP, you'll get flamed and 13 yos have waaaay better comebacks than anything on here.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 01/09/2019 11:22

Yes, ask them what school they go to. That worked great on a group of teen boys trying to pull up a stop sign outside our house.

Well I don’t know how because by asking the question you’ve told them you dont know Which school they go to. So nothing for them to be concerned about. They must’ve been incredibly dim boys. Most would just say “none of your business” and call you a perv.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 01/09/2019 11:24

The "how's your mam?" thing works for some reason.

Don’t they just say “if you know her, what’s her name?” Or are teenagers just incredibly slow these days?

duffyluth · 01/09/2019 11:27

So far I’ve learnt from the thread to:

Insult their mothers
Comment on their penis sizes
Make friends with them

I know Sad

When I read the thread title I thought what an awful thing for an adult to want to do. Then I read the suggested put downs Sad

How old are you all? 12?

Grow up, set a good example fgs.

duffyluth · 01/09/2019 11:28

Oh and the poster that suggested calling them pizza face Angry

Seriously. Some teens suffer from mental health problems related to acne and bullying.

What kind of an adult does that Hmm

AzraiL · 01/09/2019 11:37

Launch a few chocolates at them and bolt through while they're preoccupied?

DaveSpondoolix · 01/09/2019 11:38

"Face ache"? Face. Ache. Wow. Be sure to offer them some first aid after you dispense that sick burn.

Zebrimid · 01/09/2019 11:39

Keep ignoring them, they will eventually get bored.

Saying these crap cringey put downs at them will just encourage them more.

DadCanIHaveAZedgie · 01/09/2019 13:38

Some of the responses on here. Cringing for you.

I'd agree with just going saying "Hiya lads, would you mind moving up a bit further/there's a park up there/could you keep it down a bit. Thanks guys"

Go mad and treat them like humans? Shock Grin does depend on where you live though. Pissed myself at "THAT WOMAN SAID STOP SWEARING SO FUCKIN' SHURRUP" because similar has happen to me when I've been with my toddler and I've asked.

If they persist in being antisocial little aids then contact the PCSO. If you haven't got the "put downs" off the cuff then you're not the kind of person who's going to deal well if they all start kicking off at you, or start filming you, or follow you etc.

DadCanIHaveAZedgie · 01/09/2019 13:40

And definitely don't start making quippy references to their penis ffs. You'd just have a crowd of their Mams round to batter you for being a paedo round here.

peachypetite · 01/09/2019 13:42

😂😂😂😂

Loveyou3000 · 01/09/2019 15:40

Good lord why on earth would you suggest looking at a child's crotch and insinuating he has a small penis? Are you okay PP?

Just ignore it, wear headphones if you can't cope with what some teenagers are saying to you. It'll be significantly less amusing to them if you can't hear it. Absolutely pointless trying to retaliate and giving some infantile joke about their mother being fat as a PP suggested, or any of these oh so cutting remarks will only make them laugh

Egghead68 · 01/09/2019 16:11

Why would any adult waste their energy engaging with them?

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