Is sleeping with 25 people by age 21 a lot?

[FiveFarthings]

Whilst sat up with baby I stumbled across this gem on Channel 4 called ‘The Sex Clinic’. They asked the guests how many people they have slept with. Answers ranged from 5 people to the hundreds. One girl who was 21 years old said she’d slept with over 25 people.

I am just wondering if this is a lot by age 21? I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 20 and I’m now 33. I’ve slept with 3 people in my entire life (3 long term relationships and now married). Some of the guests who were saying they’d slept with 100s of people were a bit older so had more time to get those notches, but I still think that’s a big number for even someone in their late 20s. For example, if you lost your virginity at 16, that would make it 6 partners a year until you’re 30. Is that a lot?

I am in no way shaming anyone at all for the amount of sexual partners they have- people can swing from the chandelier with a different partner every night of the year as far as I care, but I was just wondering if I’m in the minority for having had so few sexual partners? Am I old fashioned at only 33? Is sex more casual for the younger generation, is it easier now to hook up than before wide spread internet/mobile phone usage?

Gogreen it is not SEEN as fun, it is EXPERIENCED as fun, it's not a rational judgement, it's a subjective experience, so it depends on the person experiencing. For some people, loads of casual sex is fun, for others sex with a long term partner is fun, for others neither, for others both.

CherryPavlova- I just find most of your points just utter nonsense. The only single parent families I know of are all people who were in long term relationship and broke up after having kids. I don't know of any who are single parents as a result of casual sex.

I know of 3 couples who have only been with each other, 1 are still together 28 years later and really happy (well she has only been with him, he was a real player before her). 1 couple are not together as the man left her on their 25th anniversary to be 'free' and the 3rd were together 10 years, got married then split up within a year when they both suddenly realised they had not actually experienced life without each other.

I have slept with over 50 people and never got pregnant until I was married and never had an STD. I am not proud of my number but equally not bothered in the slightest. If I had not met my first husband at 20 then my number would be a lot more before meeting DH at 25. It really wouldn't have bothered me.

Even on an anonymous forum, people judge the ‘30 plus at 25’ people. I wonder what that feels like?

I wonder what that feels like?

Why would it bother anyone? You say yourself it's anonymous - are you bothered what people on MN think of you?

@NoTheresa well no, because the judging comments are coming from people with completely different life views. And they sound rather repressed.

I don't think it's a crazy amount. Assume sexually active at 16 yo. That's an average of 5/year. Including a couple ONS, I just don't see it as a ton. Let's say she gets married in her early 20s, which I and many people I know did, i think it's good to have had that experience prior to marriage, so she doesn't necessarily feel like she's missed out on anything. To each their own tjough I guess. I feel like if this was a man, no one would bat an eye at the thought that a man would have had sex with someone every couple of months.

The amount of people on here who think that a casual sexual encounter always leaves the man laughing and the woman as a desperate pathetic mess who gets dumped is depressing. Please, please stop being so fucking patronising. Adult women can make their own decisions about who they want to have sex with and when. We aren't automatically weak little victims and we don't all need protecting.

I had slept with a lot more people that that by that age. Now I have very little interest in sex. I had very low self esteem and used alcohol and sex as a way of gaining confidence.

Ah.

They make it harder for women to live in a world where they are courted and respected

From my male perspective, I personally believe this is our (men's) fault and issue to resolve - it shouldn't be on women to not embrace and enjoy their sexuality as they see fit because of our issues with respecting them.

As for this idea that women with this high a number are just jumping on every opportunity they can get... my girlfriend had about 30 by the age of 22 I think (she estimates.) Giving how stunning I think she is, and how much partying she did in her late teens and early twenties, I think she must have been quite picky!

Can I just make clear to the PPs who have completely misunderstood my post- I absolutely do NOT believe that sex is something women “do for men”!
I’m a lifelong radical feminist, ffs!
What you missed in my post was my query that a one night stand man might be unlikely to prioritise giving his female partner an orgasm, would lack familiarity with her desires, preferences and responses, and the emotional coldness of knowing in advance that it was an uncaring loveless fuck could be depressing.

I simply pondered whether women are more likely to achieve climax, and feel emotionally satisfied, in the context of a loving committed relationship. That’s not to deny the existence of women who instead want a no strings “shag and dump” night. I’m impressed they can manage to be so relaxed with a total stranger (potential axe murderer...!)

Women who participate in casual sex make it harder for the majority of women to get dates and committed sex.

Ah yes, yet again, women have to adapt our behaviour and curb our freedom to help mitigate men's behaviours and attitudes.

@CherryPavlova

I am doubtful of your statistics. Maybe a straw poll on Mumsnet to see how many single mums are so because they had hundreds of ONS and how many were abandoned or forced to leave their marriage or 'stable' relationship.

And the idea that domestic violence is less prevalent in marriages and committed relationships than in casual relationships is frankly absurd. In order to be able to abuse a victim, the abuser almost always tries to create a situation where they feel they have no option but to remain and that is through a committed relationship. In a casual relationship it is far easier for the woman to leave.

I’m also in the minority with two - DH and I got together when we were 13, we separated when I was 33 and now I have a new partner. I’m happy though!

@babdoc
What you missed in my post was my query that a one night stand man might be unlikely to prioritise giving his female partner an orgasm, would lack familiarity with her desires, preferences and responses, and the emotional coldness of knowing in advance that it was an uncaring loveless fuck could be depressing

I get your point, but this is in a scenario where the man guides the activity and the woman has to hope he takes the time to bestow sexual pleasure on her.

I want an environment where the we are self aware enough to know what we like, what brings us to orgasm and self confident enough to demand it even on a ONS.

(This is from someone who has taken a vibrator on a ONS and showed the guy how to use it)

I think there is a mindset where an ONS is all about penetration but it really doesn't have to be like that. We should be expecting more for ourselves.

That isn't to say that sex in a committed relationship can't be amazing and has advantages casual sex doesn't have. But it's like a home cooked Sunday roast and a curry after a night out. They can both be great if done right and can both have a place in our sexual stories.

I’m happy though!

Isn’t this key? It doesn’t matter whether you have 2 partners or 22.

Provided you’re happy with your choices and they are genuine, consensual choices.

The damage to society comes not from the number of partners one has, but the people who link consensual sex as a single person and morality.

@ MaximusHeadroom I think you misread my comment. It may be unpopular and some may continue to believe promiscuity is harmless but it’s really not.

Straw polls statistics are entirely irrelevant just as anecdotal evidence is. My comment was that young mothers had 450, 000 babies. Some may be in lifelong relationships but most aren’t. I’d think very few had 1000s of partners given they are so young. Most young mothers -as opposed to single mothers per se - are unlikely to be leaving committed relationships.

Promiscuity is high risk behaviour and more likely to lead to violence and rape. That is not blaming victims of violence but stating fact. Unpopular fact, perhaps but would I rather my children reduced their risks by being fussy who they had sex with? Absolutely.

journals.plos.org/plosone/articleid=10.1371/journal.pone.0139430
Levels of IPV among you women with multiple sexual partners were much higher than what is reported among women in the general population.

www.rutgers.international/sites/rutgersorg/files/PDF/knowledgefiles/knowledge_file_Sexual_violence.pdf

Having many casual sex partners, starting having sex at an early age, and having sex in return for money or something else is related to both committing and experiencing unwanted sexual behaviour. Young people who engage in sexting and use dating apps have more experiences with unwanted sex.

I am interested to know how anyone knows how many of the 450,000 odd babies, and 200,000 ish abortions, happened to women who had had multiple partners. Do abortion providers ask? Isn’t it also quite likely that some those single people had been in relationships that broke up due to the strain of an accidental pregnancy?

Promiscuity is high risk behaviour and more likely to lead to violence and rape

Not saying this is wrong. However, I have worked within social work and there were countless DV incidents reported each week - all within relationships with children.

Personally speaking (anecdotally) the casual partners I had in my early twenties were generally nice people, who happened also to be single, and wanted me to enjoy myself as much as they did. It’s the bad relationships I had that I regret not those.

@CherryPavlova

If you read the next line of the report you cited

However, in these kinds of studies the difference between cause and effect is not always clear.

In addition there were over a dozen risk factors and promiscuity was one sub factor within that.

Promiscuity may be a behaviour of people who are vulnerable to sexual exploitation but that doesn't mean that all promiscuous women are vulnerable.

Girls having underage sex, the inappropriate use of social media and prostitution are very different to consenting adults choosing to have a ONS or casual relationship.

The link didn't work for your other article so I can't comment on it.

And what is the definition of promiscuity in this study? Or in your view? 10? 30? 100?

Who decides how many is too many?

Judging by the vociferous responses of some on this thread, it really isn’t hard to gauge what “too many” is. The louder the defence and all that.

Bit of a lazy cliche, that one.

“Too many” is easy. Simply “more than YOU want to do” (quite literally )

What might be “too many” for one person won’t be for someone else. It is too subjective a notion to put an arbitrary figure on, much to the disappointment of certain regular posters who despite name changing can’t resist a chance to spout their own brand of morality rendering their pseudonym redundant

Promiscuity Is always goimg to ,be higher risk than abstemious behaviours, but less popular despite the known risks. People are inherently selfish.

Promiscuity Is always goimg to ,be higher risk than abstemious behaviours

Driving a car is always going to be higher risk than not driving a car.