Is sleeping with 25 people by age 21 a lot?

[FiveFarthings]

Whilst sat up with baby I stumbled across this gem on Channel 4 called ‘The Sex Clinic’. They asked the guests how many people they have slept with. Answers ranged from 5 people to the hundreds. One girl who was 21 years old said she’d slept with over 25 people.

I am just wondering if this is a lot by age 21? I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 20 and I’m now 33. I’ve slept with 3 people in my entire life (3 long term relationships and now married). Some of the guests who were saying they’d slept with 100s of people were a bit older so had more time to get those notches, but I still think that’s a big number for even someone in their late 20s. For example, if you lost your virginity at 16, that would make it 6 partners a year until you’re 30. Is that a lot?

I am in no way shaming anyone at all for the amount of sexual partners they have- people can swing from the chandelier with a different partner every night of the year as far as I care, but I was just wondering if I’m in the minority for having had so few sexual partners? Am I old fashioned at only 33? Is sex more casual for the younger generation, is it easier now to hook up than before wide spread internet/mobile phone usage?

Why are some people assuming that children born as a result of a ONS are born into poverty? Yes some will be but also there are many, many families in the UK who rely on foodbanks. So marriage doesn't guarantee financial security.

Also the whole point of a ONS is for both people to go their separate way. When I had them I had no interest in what he was thinking or felt about me. I wanted to fill a whole () and be on my way!

I had a lot of casual sex in my teens and twenties, lost count somewhere along the line. I stil have no moral issue with it. However, I've been completely faithful within marriages and monogamous relationships, now 60 and happily FWB.
I wouldn't judge anyone for their choices unless deceit is involved.

Hm, yes to me, I had about the same by the age of 18, but I went through a lot of shit at age 16/17.

I've been with my partner since 18 for 5 years now.

Provide me with that study then. In all the one night stands I’ve had, there was no ‘discarding’, rather two people who were mutually in for a good, one off, time. I had no interest in pursuing a relationship with anyone night stand, indeed that would defeat the purpose of it.

It does a disservice to women to cast us in the roles of being helpless, man pleasing, receptacles with battered self esteem. That might be how you perceive casual sex for yourself, but you don’t speak for all of us.

As for abortions, women have extra choices because we are the ones that become pregnant and have to go through the emotional, physical and financial hardship of pregnancy and childbirth. If a woman doesn’t want to do that then she is quite right, and responsible, to have an abortion instead of bringing an unwanted child into the world.

Westberlin, I think that if you did a study on the subject you would find that in a very high proportion of cases, the woman is discarded by the man after sex as opposed to vice versa, although obviously it can be the other way round

In my experience, in most cases both parties are in agreement that it’s a one night thing. Neither want any emotional investment.

*any one

X post with WestBerlin.

Why is there an assumption that one party is ‘dumped’? The whole point of a one night stand is sex without strings, for both parties.

www.theguardian.com/society/2018/sep/16/new-study-finds-45-million-uk-children-living-in-poverty

Looking back, I wish I'd had much, much more. But during my 20s and 30s I wanted to be in a relationship, whereas the men I slept with mostly didn't want anything more than that (became apparent after the deed), and so I was frequently disappointed.

These days I'm much less fussed about being in a relationship, but the opportunities for flings are few and far between. I'd quite happily shag around now if the opportunity arose (fnar). If it turned into something more, great.

vdbfamily

And how many of those are children from ONS?

So no study on women being the ones ‘dumped’ post one night stand then.

From the link “But family relationships are equally strong either side of the poverty line”.

Can you correlate between levels of poverty and casual sex? Furthermore, can you demonstrate causation?

Westberlin, I think there is an assumption being made that young adults who have had high numbers of sexual partners have been looking for ONS's. I think many young women who have had multiple partners are actually looking for a man who will actually care about them and they agree to have sex in the often mistaken belief that this will create a closer bond. These are the encounters that will lead to emotional hurt/pain when the (usually) man is not interested in a longer term relationship.
I would agree that a mutual ONS has less emotional consequence, unless of course your contraception fails and you then face a possibly unwanted pregnancy and/or STD.

If that is the case then the idea that sex is something women ‘give’ to men needs to be questioned. We should be teaching girls and women to be confident in their sexuality, and to only have it on equal terms with men. It doesn’t matter if that is through marriage to one man, or flings with hundreds.

but having the confidence to approach someone you fancy and seduce them, it’s something I have never been able to do because I have a real fear of rejection and people around me thinking I am desperate.

I never had to approach any one, they always came to me!

CherryPavlova* the public health cost of driving far outstrips the costs of STDs, are you against that as well? Because you cannot apply your argument to only some risky activities than others. And ironically enough, the best way to reduce public costs is not to have children at all. Are you in favour of sterilisation then?

What do single parents have to do with casual sex? A person can conceive during their one and only sexual encounter and can become a single parent after the other parent ends a long term relationship.

I don't think you can say whether a pleasurable activity that you have not experienced is pleasurable or not either in general or on behalf of other people. For me, it has given me a lot of pleasure.

I'd had 20-25 by the age of 23 when i got together with dh, and that was that. I started a bit too early - 14, almost 15, with first proper boyfriend, his first too and he was 15 (i know it wasn't right but i don't feel victimized, we still keep in touch as we are special to each other). But that makes it only a few a year really. I'm kind of okay with it as i really enjoyed it and felt in control of it. This was all before online dating and tinder etc.

My timeline would have been 1 person between ages 14-16, 1 extra between 16.5-17, then between age 17-18 all the rest!

This is quite interesting if you have the time to read it.

link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12115-012-9595-z

and this paragraph struck me as worthy of debate..

Women who participate in casual sex make it harder for the majority of women to get dates and committed sex. They make it harder for women to live in a world where they are courted and respected. We live in a very tolerant age, but this majority of women should feel free to try to protect their interests. Women who participate in casual sex impose external costs on the majority who would prefer a dating culture to a hookup one.

They make it harder for women to live in a world where they are courted and respected

No. Men who don’t respect women make it harder for women to be respected by men.

@DoomsdayCult - l became sexually active in my mid teens, my elder sister was a great “advice centre” in terms of contraception and sexual health advice. Mum too (a naturist) was body positive, sex positive and supportive.

Mum was cross when she first found out I was having sex, not that l was active but that l hadn’t told her. She taught me to go for passion, respect and discretion, to never do anything l didn’t want to do and if it wasn't pleasant l wasn’t doing something right.

Wind forward, l’m now 40 something, happy, and in a professional job. Sister has been married for years to someone she was in bed with, within hours of meeting.

Don’t care what anyone else does but I was never good at getting intimate with someone I didn’t feel romantic about, knew well and was deeply attracted to. That sort of guy only came along once in a blue moon and naturally was a boyfriend because of the above points I listed. I honestly am not keen to have someone’s tongue or penis or junk in me unless I’m totally mad about them and know what they’re about. In theory I fantasise about random hook ups but in practice I backed off and just couldn’t let anyone that close. So I’m the same as OP, 3 partners. 1 my first love, 1 long term bf and my DH.

Mark Regnerus, a catholic funded by conservative think tanks, whose biased ‘research’ was wider disavowed by the sociological community of which is a member.

From his wiki:
“During a speech at Franciscan University of Steubenville in 2014 titled "What Sexual Behavior Patterns Reveal about the Mating Market and Catholic Thought", Regnerus' views on same-sex relationships continued to spread controversy when he claimed that "normalization of gay men's sexual behavior" in society will contribute to a surge in the "practice of heterosexual anal sex."[34][35]In March 2019, Regnerus joined other conservative writers to reject the " pre-Trump conservative consensus" which combined Libertarian economics with social liberalism. They alleged American Conservatism had "surrendered to the pornographization of daily life, to the culture of death, to the cult of competitiveness" and a "poisonous and censorious multiculturalism." The statement went on to criticize the cutting of the " link between sex and gender", legal abortion, a "borderless world" fueling "attempts to displace American citizens", and business leaders and political parties which "held investors and 'job creators' above workers and citizens." It called for greater emphasis on local communities and "prioritiz[ing] work over consumption."[36]

Regarding the connection between one's faith and the activities of Christian professors, Regnerus noted in an alumni profile that "I believe that if your faith matters, it should inform what you teach and what you research”

No, I don’t consider ‘research’ done by anyone with an agenda to be particularly valid.

I believe it’s up to each individual to police their own behaviour. We live in a society where individual freedom is afforded to us, and we can act according to our one interests and wishes. To borrow a phrase, I am not my sister’s keeper and she is not mine.

What women need to be taught is that they have their own sexual agency, and be equipped with confidence from being girls to accept or reject something based one what they want, independent of anyone else.

Why is it seen as more fun if you’ve had more partners?

Don’t you have fun with a long term committed partner too?

Don’t you have fun with a long term committed partner too?

Of course it’s fun with a partner too. But if you don’t have a long term committed partner, does that mean you should be abstaining?