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Original poster

Is sleeping with 25 people by age 21 a lot?

283 replies

FiveFarthings · 29/08/2019 01:02

Whilst sat up with baby I stumbled across this gem on Channel 4 called ‘The Sex Clinic’. They asked the guests how many people they have slept with. Answers ranged from 5 people to the hundreds. One girl who was 21 years old said she’d slept with over 25 people.

I am just wondering if this is a lot by age 21? I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 20 and I’m now 33. I’ve slept with 3 people in my entire life (3 long term relationships and now married). Some of the guests who were saying they’d slept with 100s of people were a bit older so had more time to get those notches, but I still think that’s a big number for even someone in their late 20s. For example, if you lost your virginity at 16, that would make it 6 partners a year until you’re 30. Is that a lot?

I am in no way shaming anyone at all for the amount of sexual partners they have- people can swing from the chandelier with a different partner every night of the year as far as I care, but I was just wondering if I’m in the minority for having had so few sexual partners? Am I old fashioned at only 33? Is sex more casual for the younger generation, is it easier now to hook up than before wide spread internet/mobile phone usage?

OP posts:
DoomsdayCult · 29/08/2019 08:43

To me, it is a lot. But then I hit adolescence during the AIDS epidemic. By the time I went to uni, STD tests of students at the uni clinic showed 25% of students had HIV. In addition, these tests could show a negative up to after 6 months of having HIV. So you could not even trust an STD test dated that same day that your partner was actually negative for HIV. HIV was a death sentence at the time. Every year millions were being infected and millions were dying of AIDS. AIDS babies were being born with a life expectancy of age 7- you’d see these little 4 yr olds on TV candidly talking about which stuffed toy they wanted buried with them.

In addition, there were paranoid myths circulating that you could catch it by kissing, oral sex (ingesting come), and even that the virus was so small it could seep through a condom. I call these myths, but at the time they were possible ways of transmission that had not yet been ruled out, so were under study.

Even after I had graduated and was working as a young adult, they still had not developed HIV medication to keep you alive or block it from getting to a baby in the womb.

So, my number is very very low due to the times I grew up in. I honestly did not want to catch HIV and get pregnant to have an AIDS baby I’d then watch die by age 7 before I too died before I had wrinkles.

Anyway, I do think 25 partners at age 21 is moderately high. But I’m saying a number is high or low, a lot or not does not mean that high/a lot= too many just like low/not a lot= too few. There is no judgement in simple statements of magnitude.

Shelby30 · 29/08/2019 08:46

I think that is a lot, yes.

flumpybear · 29/08/2019 08:49

Everyone is different - some people I know sex is just that, no strings and no emotional stress so they bed hop somewhat - others are more into an emotional relationship so have fewer partners - I guess sexual health is a bit of an issue, but as long as people know how to look after themselves and practice safe sex, what the hell Wink

Venger · 29/08/2019 08:52

As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and she is looking after her sexual health with appropriate contraception and protection then why does it matter how many people she has slept with?

areyoubeingserviced · 29/08/2019 08:52

Yes, I think it’s a lot even for someone in their thirties.or forties
That’s just my opinion

DoomsdayCult · 29/08/2019 08:53

It was bad, my first employer actually shut off these water fountains we had due to fear of HIV passing between people sharing a water fountain! Schools shut off and removed their water fountains. Then some enterprising soul took advantage of this and that is when bottled water came into it’s hey day.

Anotherusefulname · 29/08/2019 08:56

*Anotherusefulname

You sound like you have some serious deep rooted issues around sex*

Nope, just morals.

BraveGoldie · 29/08/2019 08:57

@Anotherusefulname I was about to come on and say I wasn't sure why those who have slept with quite a few people were defensive, because no one is judging them....... then I read your post. 😒. I know it is something that can be judged out there in the world, but hoped it wouldn't be here.

I have slept with few people for three main reasons - sexual repression, being scared of my dad growing up, and that I met my now ex husband at 17 (who was never particularly into sex). None of those are good or bad - they are just my story.

Because of a lot of therapy, I am now WAY more relaxed and up for sex, but I have once again met someone I can see myself being with for ever. Fortunately, he is darn good at sex with lots of appetite and open to everything, so I still feel I am catching up on all the pleasure I missed out on! 😁

Sex can be one of the best things on the planet, when everyone involved wants it and is good at it...... why on earth would it be bad to have lots?

amusedbush · 29/08/2019 08:59

Nope, just morals.

Aye, okay.

MamasAndPapas · 29/08/2019 09:03

I'd slept with a similar amount by that age.

Now that I'm married I've slowed down to just one or two a month (plus DH of course).

Booboostwo · 29/08/2019 09:05

If she wanted to sleep with 24, yes that is too many, if she wanted to sleep with 26, it is too few.

There is no too many or too few, just personal choice and consent.

Venger · 29/08/2019 09:06

Nope, just morals

What is immoral about having sex?

She's single, presumably consenting and using protection (or at least no evidence that this isn't the case), she owes no responsibility or commitment to anyone but herself.

SerendipityJane · 29/08/2019 10:46

By the time I went to uni, STD tests of students at the uni clinic showed 25% of students had HIV.

All students, or of student that (self-admitted) to the clinic ?

I would be ShockShockShockShock if it was the overall population. (If this was the UK)

Glitterfisher · 29/08/2019 11:44

I don't think it's a lot. I got engaged at 20, then divorced then remarried so only 2 since 20. Loads more than 21 before that though. I love that sort of sex if I'm honest. It's obviously different in a long term relationship and not saying it's worse but I love that new feeling of fancying someone that much and ripping their clothes off.

I would never cheat on DH but I definitely miss that feeling. I don't regret any of the people I have slept with, some of them were horrible in the end but it shapes your life IMO.

Hannahthepink · 29/08/2019 11:56

I hit number 25 at age 21 too, it certainly didn't feel like a lot at the time, and I would happily have kept going - I really enjoyed discovering my sexual being!
As it happens, number 25 became my husband, and I'm extremely content!

whattodowith · 29/08/2019 12:19

I’ve slept with less than this in my life but everyone is obviously wildly different. I’ve met people who have only slept with one person and others who have slept with 100+. I didn’t really judge either because it just doesn’t matter. Provided you are having safe consensual sex then shag away!

PontificatingPsych · 29/08/2019 12:51

I think it depends on the reasons.

I could tell funny anecdotes about sex in unusual places, sex on remote beaches in the moonlight, bets to attract and take home an attractive man spotted at the bar, etc. Up to a point in my 20s it seemed fun, empowered, free choice.

By 30 (age and number of people I'd had sex with) I'd become a lot more feminist, and a lot more confident/at home in my own skin (as oppose to just outward projection of confidence). Felt as if I'd been groomed by society into being sexually promiscuous. Pleasing men, and mistaking it for empowerment. Although I recognised there were good men out there I didn't see how I could face having another sexual relationship - too much like visiting a scene of past trauma.

This is cheesy AF Grin but it wasn't until I met DP a few years later that I experienced "making love" as opposed to just sex.

So, in our current society, I'd be very concerned about any woman who'd slept with that many people. Choices don't happen in a vacuum.

KUGA · 29/08/2019 13:03

I am old fashioned tbh.
Only had sex with two men in my life and I was married to one and Im married to number two. I dont think ive missed out at all. Its become the norm to sleep around and the norm to end up with STD`s .
Sad really.

KUGA · 29/08/2019 13:04

Ps, i`m 59

QueenOfPain · 29/08/2019 13:15

All the repressed judgmental people on this thread make me feel sad for them and their small little lives.

I think i’ve slept with 31 people and I have been sexually active around 17 years. So that’s less than two people a year, but obviously some years I was busier than others. I don’t regret any of it, it’s all been part of gaining confidence in giving and receiving pleasure and saying yes or no to things that I do or don’t like. The idea that sex must be so intrinsically linked with love and longevity is outdated and damaging. I own my body and all the sensations it is capable of, I am not saving it for anyone else or giving it to them either.

QueenOfPain · 29/08/2019 13:15

I’ve also never had an STD, because safe sex is possible.

MaximusHeadroom · 29/08/2019 13:21

I'm about to turn 40 and have been married for 11 years. I genuinely don't know how many people I slept with before I got married because I never counted. It could be 20 or 40 or somewhere in between. DH has never asked and I have never asked him either.

What's important is that I have only slept with 1 person since I met DH.

As long as every time is safe and consensual there is no such thing as too many or too few IMO

sheshootssheimplores · 29/08/2019 13:24

I hated myself too much to sleep around when I was younger. I’m now 44 and have slept with less than 10 people. I regret that.

MisterOnion · 29/08/2019 14:05

I've slept with 11 people and I'm 24. 3 of which were relationships. Done things with many more 🤧 but I don't think that's that many, especially since I lost my virginity 10 years ago (sorry mum).

MisterOnion · 29/08/2019 14:06

Btw, I've never had a one night stand. All of which I was chatting to/ already knew.