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Original poster

Is sleeping with 25 people by age 21 a lot?

283 replies

FiveFarthings · 29/08/2019 01:02

Whilst sat up with baby I stumbled across this gem on Channel 4 called ‘The Sex Clinic’. They asked the guests how many people they have slept with. Answers ranged from 5 people to the hundreds. One girl who was 21 years old said she’d slept with over 25 people.

I am just wondering if this is a lot by age 21? I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 20 and I’m now 33. I’ve slept with 3 people in my entire life (3 long term relationships and now married). Some of the guests who were saying they’d slept with 100s of people were a bit older so had more time to get those notches, but I still think that’s a big number for even someone in their late 20s. For example, if you lost your virginity at 16, that would make it 6 partners a year until you’re 30. Is that a lot?

I am in no way shaming anyone at all for the amount of sexual partners they have- people can swing from the chandelier with a different partner every night of the year as far as I care, but I was just wondering if I’m in the minority for having had so few sexual partners? Am I old fashioned at only 33? Is sex more casual for the younger generation, is it easier now to hook up than before wide spread internet/mobile phone usage?

OP posts:
darkriver19886 · 29/08/2019 20:16

I dont generally have an opinion really. Is she practicing safe sex? Then generally that's all that matters.
have had ten partners since I was 16. 3 woman and 7 men. I have been single for almost 4 years and miss those days.

DoomsdayCult · 29/08/2019 20:22

@SerendipityJane
By the time I went to uni, STD tests of students at the uni clinic showed 25% of students had HIV.

“All students, or of student that (self-admitted) to the clinic ?

I would be shockshockshockshock if it was the overall population. (If this was the UK)”

This was just the students who had voluntarily gone in for a free HIV test (could go to clinic at any time for a free test as often as you wanted). So yes, a certain # of students would not have gotten the test who could be +/-, and a further # would get a “negative” even though actually positive for 6mos or less. So, it’s not a firm 1 in 4 of ALL students, but still very worrying at the time.

DoomsdayCult · 29/08/2019 20:34

@StarlightLady
Probably the most passionate time is the first or maybe the second time you have sex with someone.

You must be incredibly coordinated & have your shit together because, for me at least, I find the 1st/2nd time to be the most awkward sex not most passionate.

DoomsdayCult · 29/08/2019 20:41

@SweetMelodies
STD tests of students at the uni clinic showed 25% of students had HIV.

“Yikes was HIV really that common? I didn’t realise it was that bad shock”

Keep in mind this was just my uni. Which was, to be fair, well known for its partying (and drugs). But, yes, this was at the peak of the epidemic and the age group getting infected the most was mine- ages 18-29

Lindormilk · 29/08/2019 20:42

Im 44 and on number 3.

I dont let any tom dick or Harry there.

So yes, i think its a lot.

MonsterRehab23 · 29/08/2019 20:42

Would anyone really if it was a 21 yr old man? Probably not, he’d be classed as sewing his wild oats or whatever.

The number doesn’t bother me, id be more concerned about the choking etc and wonder if she really wanted to do that, instead of feeling like she had to.

I’ve been with 7 and I’m 32. But these 7 happened in about 18 months between the ages of 15 and 16.5. Got with DP at 16.5 and haven’t been with anyone else.

Most of these 7 were one offs and pretty grim. I felt like I had to do it to please men but then was called a slut afterwards by both males and females. I hated myself for years but after discovering feminism I’m more comfortable with my past now. So judge away...

User10fuckingmillion · 29/08/2019 20:44

Well they’ll be mostly one night stands rather then boyfriends won’t they?

In which case, while it probably is quite a lot compared to most people, I don’t think it’s shocking.

MoaningMinnie1 · 29/08/2019 20:47

I had a lot between the ages of 15 and 16! After that I grew more sensible, discerning etc.

It's not unusual. Does it matter? What the person is NOW is what is important.

DoomsdayCult · 29/08/2019 20:48

@worriedaboutray
“The judgemental posters on this thread contribute to the spread of STIs, by perpetuating shame and therefore discouraging people from attending clinic. ”

That is just bollocks. Unless you take a full STD panel between each incidence of sex, you are risking passing on or getting an STD. Going to clinic only lets you know if you are infected and it is always after you’ve passed it on. Many people go to clinic, know they have an STD and then pass it on anyway! Pointing out the risks of multiple partners is not being judgemental or shaming. The truth is there is no such thing as safe sex, only low risk or high risk sex. I don’t care how many partners a person has, but we should be telling them the truth instead of selling them a myth of “safe sex”

GibbonLover · 29/08/2019 20:51

As far as I know, there are no official Government guidelines regarding how many people you should or shouldn't have had sex with at the various points in your life. Therefore, I am unable to say whether 25 by 21 is 'a lot'. As long as a condom was used, who cares?

DoomsdayCult · 29/08/2019 20:53

@worriedaboutray
I hit post too soon. To continue.
It is the myth of safe sex that causes the shame. Because since sex can be safe, then obviously person x has fucked up and been massively irresponsible to catch an STD. Because with “safe sex” STDs are 100% preventable according to the myth.
No, no, no. Safer sex practices REDUCE risk. You can be the most responsible sexual partner in the world and still catch an STD.
The sooner we recognise that STDs are not 100% preventable, the sooner the shame will disappear.

JacquesHammer · 29/08/2019 20:57

Because with “safe sex” STDs are 100% preventable according to the myth

Is this really peddled though?

I have never seen any sex education that states STDs are 100% preventable. In fact the message was very much that “safe sex” meant “be as safe as you can” which included personal safety, not just sexual safety.

NoTheresa · 29/08/2019 21:00

It’s a lot. Some people must be more choosy.

JacquesHammer · 29/08/2019 21:05

Some people must be more choosy

Who knows if she was choosy? Maybe it could have been 50!

floodypuddle · 29/08/2019 21:13

I have slept with 11 and I'm 33 always very careful with regular checks. My dp however has slept with a huge number not so careful and has passed on both herpes and hpv to me. I've had to have some VERY unpleasant treatments since then and can't help but feel hugely angry he wasn't more careful / wasn't more honest with me.

I think of your getting through those numbers that quickly your probably going to get something unpleasant turn up.

Emmapeeler · 29/08/2019 21:19

Most people I knew had multiple sexual partners in their teens and early twenties. My DH was a virgin at 21 and has had three partners. I don’t think either is more normal!

CherryPavlova · 29/08/2019 21:25

I think it’s a huge number. A different partner every ten weeks. I do be disappointed and would judge if my children took sex so casually.

JacquesHammer · 29/08/2019 21:28

I do be disappointed and would judge if my children took sex so casually

Your poor children.

Biancadelrioisback · 29/08/2019 21:41

What's there to judge if your children are being safe, consensual and are happy?
Why does it make a woman 'disappointing' for enjoying less sex than someone in a relationship probably has? There are threads all over here from women who have called pregnant/caught an STD etc who are in relationships and many, many women who have enjoyed promiscuous sex and not fallen pregnant or caught an STD.
If no one is getting hurt and nothing is illegal, why does it matter?

CherryPavlova · 29/08/2019 21:50

JacquesHammer Why so? Because they have the self control and self respect to maintain committed relationships and to consider the side effects of casual sex?
They’re very happy and all in long term relationships; one, I’m sure, is in her forever relationship with the loveliest of young men who adores her. In due course, hopefully, their children will be born into a loving, stable marriage with parents who can provide we’ll for them why would you pity that?
The others are a bit young to decide whether it’s permanent yet.

ArthurMorgan · 29/08/2019 22:09

managedmis

"Dunno really

Wish I'd had more tbh

DH is a lost cause"

I hear you! Cake

Glitterfisher · 29/08/2019 22:14

Personally I would be more disappointed in my DCs if they settled down really young without having lots of fun first. As long as they are safe and don't treat people badly I really don't see the big deal. I was 20 when I settled down and I genuinely believe it was too young. I am glad I had lots of fun before that but would have liked to experience a bit more 'dating' as an adult rather than a teen.

I don't see that having lots of sexual partners means anything about how you are in a long term relationship either. I would never cheat on DH. Just because I had some ONS or casual sex doesn't mean anything at all.

amandacarnet · 29/08/2019 22:14

I think it is a lot.

Glitterfisher · 29/08/2019 22:19

CherryPavlova what has self control got to do with anything? It's not like people who sleep with 5 people a year are shagging everyone they meet.

When we were 18/19 we were propositioned by probably 10 people a night and out 3 or 4 nights a week. We were pretty choosy but if we liked someone we may have slept with them, sex is fun. I certainly wasn't shagging someone different every weekend but sometimes I might have then I may have seen someone for a few months.

Emmapeeler · 29/08/2019 23:32

Having multiple partners has nothing to do with eventual stability for your children.