Is sleeping with 25 people by age 21 a lot?

[FiveFarthings]

Whilst sat up with baby I stumbled across this gem on Channel 4 called ‘The Sex Clinic’. They asked the guests how many people they have slept with. Answers ranged from 5 people to the hundreds. One girl who was 21 years old said she’d slept with over 25 people.

I am just wondering if this is a lot by age 21? I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 20 and I’m now 33. I’ve slept with 3 people in my entire life (3 long term relationships and now married). Some of the guests who were saying they’d slept with 100s of people were a bit older so had more time to get those notches, but I still think that’s a big number for even someone in their late 20s. For example, if you lost your virginity at 16, that would make it 6 partners a year until you’re 30. Is that a lot?

I am in no way shaming anyone at all for the amount of sexual partners they have- people can swing from the chandelier with a different partner every night of the year as far as I care, but I was just wondering if I’m in the minority for having had so few sexual partners? Am I old fashioned at only 33? Is sex more casual for the younger generation, is it easier now to hook up than before wide spread internet/mobile phone usage?

I’ve only had 3 partners and its a source of regret. I had very low self esteem and just assumed nobody was interested. I look back at pictures and I wasn’t as hideous as I thought.

I'm 40 and have had 2. I sometimes wish I had had more before I settled down with DH, but I met him when I was 20. I can't see that number increasing now because it would feel disloyal to DH, but i think I'm quite unusual in only having had 2 sexual partners.

I grew up in the 80s. So the adverts about AIDS scared the shit out of me. So what DoomsdayCult wrote was the same for me. My number is very low as a result. Also it's because at the time women who had lots of sexual partners were looked down upon. Also my first boyfriend raped me a lot. I think 25 before 21 would be a lot for me . But I am an adult so I realise that everyone is unique and like to live their own life. It's different nowadays because HIV isn't the death sentence it was.
What I do dislike is young teenage girls who wear really short shorts that show their bottom bum cheeks. I also dislike the bikini bottoms that show all the bum cheeks. I don't like looking at women's bum cheeks. I feel embarrassed. I actually care more about that than how many people a woman has had sex with.

@MaximusHeadroom - Exactly!

I lost my virginity at 22 and have only ever slept with him - but I know I'm very much a minority.

It's definitely more people than I would expect by 21, but everyone is different and has different attitudes to sex.

QueenOfPain The idea that sex must be so intrinsically linked with love and longevity is outdated and damaging.

I sort of disagree with this - at least, I think it's more complicated than that. Personally, if I ranked all my sexual partners in a "most regretted" list there would certainly be relationships that are regretted and brief flings that are not. But I've also found being in love with someone who I'm sort of "in tune" with adds (for me) a whole other dimesion to sex.

Plus if you are attracted to someone enough to want sex with them it's quite likely you'll want to be in a relationship with them.

So whilst I agree sex doesn't need to be intrinsically linked with love and longevity, I think there's quite a crossover. But definitely don't think anyone should be shamed or is a lacking "morals" for enjoying sex with a lot of partners.

StarlightLady Probably the most passionate time is the first or maybe the second time you have sex with someone.

I used to think this, and recall thinking "oh dear, going downhill so soon" about the third time I had sex with DP. We had waited a relatively long time so I think the anticipation made it weird... But then it started getting better and better. I did wonder if there was some science behind this, the optimum time to wait for the most enjoyable sex or something.

Haven't watched programme but as long as she didn't go beyond her personal, emotional or physical limits with any of them, then power to her elbow.

I have slept with about 30, maybe? And am in mid 30s. With DH now for 7 years so no-one since then. Am glad I played the field for a while: each and every sexual relationship was with a man I found attractive, who adored me/made me feel like I was the most wonderful, beautiful and interesting woman in the world, and left me happily sated and feeling fabulous.

Am smiling just thinking back on them now. I have been very lucky.

Never had a one night stand, as it happens: have always liked/admired the wild have-to-have-you-now abandon it implies (or can imply) but have always needed to get to know someone a bit before finding them attractive enough to sleep with (just personal preference).

And I really, really love the lingering, teasing thrill of the chase: another reason why I happen not to have had a one night stand as I rather like extending the anticipation.

By 19 I'd slept with 15. I then got into a long term relationship so my numbers have stopped there, but had I remained single then I'd have easily reached 25 by 21. Times are changing and people are no longer as judged for things like this in my generation. It's refreshing

Yes. I think that's a lot by 21.

Let's just say she started at 16, 5 years later at 22, she's short with 25. that's 5 a year, for each of those 5 years, almost one every other month.

Number of partners has been going up and age of "sexual debut" has been going down (a phrase I love) over the past 20 years.

The judgemental posters on this thread contribute to the spread of STIs, by perpetuating shame and therefore discouraging people from attending clinic. It's 2019, we need to move on from all that bollocks.

I have no idea how many people I've slept with. I used to know, but tbh, I stopped counting. It's somewhere around 15? All of those encounters were my choice. I don't regret any of them. If DH and I split up, I'd have sex with more people im sure. If we don't, I'm perfectly happy with just DH for the rest of my life.

STD tests of students at the uni clinic showed 25% of students had HIV.

Yikes was HIV really that common? I didn’t realise it was that bad

Nowadays given that young people spend more of their lives online, I think it is a lot.

I didn't even bat an eyelid when I read this title. I just see a woman who enjoys sex like I do and tons of other women do. I'm mid 30s with a good long list. I've enjoyed nearly every single one of them, have zero regrets and have stories for days lol.

I had one boyfriend from 16-18
Met my husband at 19
From 18-19 I had 5 sexual partners, so 7 in total.

I’m delighted I didn’t hold back or I’d never have settled with dh.

I think it’s down to relationship status. If you are single/not in some kind of arrangement that is only a handful of sexual encounters a year (lets say ten assuming that some were dating and some were one night stands). Could you deal with only have sex 10 timed in one year? Especially at that age?

@Oblomov19 maybe she was single the entire time? Would you end up sleeping with a new person every other month if you were dating?

That's more than I had at that age but in fairness I met my partner at 22 - so almost my whole sexual history happened by age 21, and I have slept with more than you have. It could turn out the same is true of her. I think it's quite easy to rack up the numbers if you are casually dating and never in a serious relationship, too, if you think about it you'd only need to go on 5 successful tinder dates a year to get to that number if you started at 16. They might be one offs too and most young people have sex more than 5 times a year.

I do think it’s a lot. My personal view is that sex should be in a committed relationship but it’s also not my place to ever express that view out loud.

It’s higher than my number. Also wish I’d slept with more people.

LOL @ someone who's 33 referring to a 'younger generation'.

It doesn't matter how many, OP, except to you.

Bloody hell yes!

I would just hope that anyone who's had 25 sexual partners by the age of 21 makes sure she gets regular smear tests. Because a lot of partners most certainly increases the risk of cervical cancer.

I have no idea how many people I’ve slept with. Somewhere between 15 and 20 at a guess, I’ve never really kept a tally.’c it’s just not important to me. As long as it’s all consensual and the people involved are happy then it doesn’t matter if your ‘number’ is zero or a million