Calling all immigrants. Any aspects of British culture you struggle with?

[FishCanFly]

I will start:

• Kids bedtimes. I've been called neglectful.
• School uniforms. I could buy many more clothes within reasonable fashion.
• Film\game ratings. Like if Skyrim would harm a 12yo

Where this thread falls down is the assumption that there is one culture in the UK. People's attitudes towards all of the aforementioned quirks/annoyances vary from place to place and between classes. I have worked in deprived areas of Glasgow where most of the people were very direct, would give you their last penny, often tell off other people's children and who's kids had late bed times. But in a middle class suburb of Edinburgh it might be very very different.

Things my 'foreign' husband comments on:

• too many different accents, some practically impossible to understand even if you're fluent
• people who eat their evening meal at 5.30pm are not ok
• everyone is too cold and resist physical contact or showing warmth or affection otherwise in body language
• people try too hard to be nice, don't comment on the obvious when it's bad (e.g. admitting a meal isn't great - they would rather suffer and eat it)
• great comedy/sense of humour
• lots of people drink 10+ cups of tea a day, how can anyone sleep or function
• too many rules around social etiquette

I was told many years ago that an expat meant that you were moved abroad by the company that you worked for, for your specific expertise and were given an 'expat package' which involved a standard of living you would expect from your home country in terms of accommodation etc., on a fixed term contract.

Don't think that's the case anymore...

Who wants kids running around at that time of night?

But that's just it, isn't it? You're saying that as a British person, but clearly, lots of people do want their kids running around in the evenings.

I guess it's just down to personal preference in the end. Someone above said that they like the separation between child time and adult time. Other people would object to that. Nobody is right or wrong.

oh two more...

People being obsessed with showing wealth. We live in a mostly wealthy middle-class city. We know what the people around us earn and yet drive old bangers and wear whatever is functional/comfortable.
We go to the UK and so many people (who don't earn a huge amount) are wearing Gucci tracksuits, carrying LV handbags and driving luxury cars.

English people won't discuss money - here everyone knows what everyone earns, how much their holidays cost, how much their possessions or new car cost, it's not taboo.

RolyWatts well that’s true obviously but I’m sure parents that are putting children to bed at 10pm know it’s late by U.K. standards even if acceptable amongst their peer groups.

And I will tell off children if required but I still know I run the risk of parents giving me a mouthful rather than a “sorry” their children are being obnoxious.

As a parent in a Mediterranean country, we (or our friends who are parents) have never complained about wanting 'couple time' because the kids are up late. They only stay up late if we go out, and then it's a family outing, so we want to spend time with the kids.

When you see little Spanish/Italian kids running around at midnight, they are on holiday or it's a special event.

During term time and mid-week the kids are quietly in bed at 9.30/10pm with a book. Then we have dinner, watch something on tv and go to bed about 12.

What time do you all have to get up?

No earlier than 8am during term time. During the holidays we let them sleep til whenever they want if they had a late night before. To be honest we keep it very casual and don't obsess over it. Some days they're a bit grumpy and tired but overall they're very happy!

I agree with kids bedtime. Also the idea of a children tea and a snack at bedtime while the parents eat afterwards. My child didn’t suffer making her wait until 7pm for a hot dinner.

Uniform - so expensive and pointless. The idea that you are not bullied because of what you wear is just being transferred to other items, in our case it was the wrong phone. Forget it.

The need to bring your child and collect it everywhere until they go to secondary, I have been looked at as if I was a mad woman for allowing DD to walk some steps to a friend’s house on her own or dropping her off at the curb instead of walking her into her dance class.

Another culture shock:

Rooms called bedrooms when you can't fit a bed in. Box rooms would never be considered bedrooms, but more like fancy walk in wardrobes back home. Not sure if it's only estate agents who like to consider them bedrooms or if that's a general consensus. Also, why aren't the number of toilets listed in the heading of a property? Where I'm from if its a family bathroom or an ensuite, it's considered a full bathroom and counted as 1; a downstairs toilet or W.C. is 0.5 bathroom. So, a property would be listed as 3 bed/1.5 bath or 4 bed/2.5 bath, etc.

German DH can’t understand why it’s rude to say things that are factually correct. His Austrian rellies are even worse
You can say anything as long as it’s true apparently and nobody should take offence.

Boarding schools aren't common. Most of the kids in the boarding school I worked at where the children of foreign families, and weren't British themselves either.

Rooms called bedrooms when you can't fit a bed in

Or outside unheated sheds, (as my US based DB calls "garages" in the UK).

Hoppinggreen

I struggle with this as well. Back in my home country, if you criticise a process or procedure, people will generally agree and discuss how it can be fixed. In the UK, I have noticed people can get offended because they will call it the "British way". At home we don't really assign things as being "our way" so we're always ready to change it unless there's another underlying issue (lack of money).

Also the popularity of boarding schools. My husband was sent to one. He tried to escape 9 times, finally set a tool shed on fire and got expelled.

This is hardly the norm though - if you think it is then I think you don’t really have a clear grasp of what broader British society is like. (It also sounds a bit like you’re more familiar with quite a privileged part of society - not how most of us Brits live at all.)

Am the child of immigrants but a couple from me:

The competitive shaming of people who feel the cold - "I just wear 6 jumpers and 7 pairs of socks and I feel fine without the heating on even when it's snowing". Whatever. I like to be comfortable in my home.

I see some sun, we must all Make The Most of the Weather.

The pride taken in DIY- in my culture, it's a sign of success if you earn enough not to have to.

See I always wanted to be the kind of family whose kids go to bed whenever and we all enjoy spending time together but they are just so fucking needy and annoying I need a break in the evening because I love them but by god it is constant and they don't give you any space to think. And DS1 is 10, it's not like they are whiny toddlers.

In fact the baby is fine because he just potters and is at least cute.

I am British, but I grew up in the US, and I have lived in other places too, but I spent very little time in the UK until recently. I would say as well, bedtimes. There was a news piece in Greece the other day talking about how to help your children prepare for school, and the bedtime was like 930… Where I was in the UK, for a six-year-old it is 730 I think or something like that… In Vietnam too, kids are awake until 10 or 11.

For me, I also don’t understand the health and safety, it is overbearing sometimes. I have a disability, and where else in other places, even though economically things might be much more difficult, but we can do things a lot more easily without being told that it’s a health and safety violation to let us… Do whatever.

Reading FishCanFly 's further posts about her husband's family I suspect she has been spun a bit of a line about "boarding school" and her husband was at a state or Barnardo's run residential school for children with social, emotional and behavioural difficulties, or indeed perhaps in care in a children's residential home! It sounds unlikely that he was at Eton...

This thread is brilliant, a lady wanted a space to talk to fellow immigrants about how weird the British are and the brits then invade that thread and shout about how we're normal and everyone else is the strange ones! You couldn't make it up.
I'm British too and I can see the ridiculousness!

People who object to health and safety measures drive me nuts. One of my grandparents was killed at work and I'm disabled because of H&S neglect - my health has been forever trashed by poor ergonomics in an office job. Maybe H&S doesn't seem important until you're hearing terrible news or enduring ongoing pain.

I went to a Spanish wedding. We actually sat down to eat at 11pm. We finished at 2am. Then the dancing started. Until 6am. We had the children with us too. We put them on these sofas with all the little Spanish children to sleep until we scooped them up to go home. The coach picked us up at 6.15am. This apparently was normal protocol due to the intense Madrid heat.

And another one:

Some people are far more sentimental over material items in the UK. For example, you have to be careful about how you discuss a business transaction because their house has almost been equated to a long known friend or something, rather than a building they live in. Back home, people just want to make sure they get the most money possible, so its not as big of a deal to downsize/upside/whatever.

Also, another dimension of the sentimentality means we have to live with antique infrastructure. The rail can't be updated because the bridges can't because the road can't because the houses can't etc. Many of the country roads still only have the width needed for a horse and buggy. I can understand having some historical buildings, but when the whole country is frozen to a specific Victorian time sometimes it's a bit difficult to deal with 100+ years later. It would be nice if there could be more of a balance. Also it would be nice if there were wider roads in general so people didn't park on pavements (which was another cultural difference).