Calling all immigrants. Any aspects of British culture you struggle with?

[FishCanFly]

I will start:

• Kids bedtimes. I've been called neglectful.
• School uniforms. I could buy many more clothes within reasonable fashion.
• Film\game ratings. Like if Skyrim would harm a 12yo

I just want to add that I know it wouldn't be possible to widen all the roads or anything, but I'm not sure why the standard road is still very narrow on new build estates? There seems to be such a lack of space/parking and the only justification is that it's the way it's always been done.

Maybe H&S doesn't seem important until you're hearing terrible news or enduring ongoing pain.

I think the "damage" is being done by ridiculous notices like "contains nuts" on peanut butter or don't use hair dryer in the bath and so on.

Then there are things that are a pain in the ass for people with common sense, but companies,councils etc. can't afford for the one moron that doesn't use it to sue. So everyone needs to toe the line.

For every "how ridiculous!!" News article about something being banned (especially in schools) you'll find a thread on here (and many other places) from people complaining their kid got hurt.

There's still idiots trying to pet tigers at zoos and safaris ffs or sticking their head out the car window for a good selfie.

We need rules and regulations in the work place and I don't think anyone would like to ho back to the "anything goes" times.

a lady wanted a space to talk to fellow immigrants about how weird the British are and the brits then invade that thread and shout about how we're normal and everyone else is the strange ones!

Probably a trait we share with other nationalities.

I'm British but have been in Spain for 20 odd years. The vast majority of Spaniards don't eat as late as 11. Most people eat at about 8/9. Kids are running about late because in the summer they're probably on holiday. Also, it's so hot (at least in the south) that you can't even venture out until about 8 pm anyway. So, you stay up late, have the kids run about when it's cooler and go to bed later.

Northernsoulover maybe in the height of summer, but it's not normal. We got married in June and it was hot, but we were eating at about 9 pm.

I have so many of these so sorry I keep posting but...

Why don't kids just go to their local school? In my home country, each school has a catchment area and it doesn't matter if it's oversubscribed. The school has to take every child in the catchment. If the school has too many students then it automatically gets more funding, teachers are hired, temporary buildings are put up until a bigger permanent structure can be built. I think this is far less confusing and much better for the environment. Also there seems to be so many parents doing school runs in the UK, why aren't there school buses to take all the kids in the morning and drop off all the kids in the afternoon?

I'm British Asian so second generation, grew up in very white areas so much more British than Asian but there are still a few things that inwardly make me gasp which reminds me of my other heritage:

1. Child free weddings. Children are considered such a joy at Asian weddings. They run around the reception and everyone coos about how lovely it is that they are having a great time. The British - British guests always have looks Times are changing though and weddings are becoming more bride/groom focused.

1. Playdates. This wasn't a thing when I was young but I hate the formality of them and avoid at all costs. Ones that my dc have been invited to are so short there aren't worth going to IMO and they never involve a mealtime. Culturally we have to feed guests and it is a pleasure to do so.

1. Meals/food etiquette. Brits are much more individualistic when it comes to food. Food for Asians is much more communal. E.g. at a work lunch everyone orders their own food. I have to try really hard not to offer to share my food with others. Equally in work I couldn't eat a packet of crisps without offering every single person one, even if I'm only left with one. It just feels wrong. I

@LegallyBritish - it works like that in Scotland. It’s not a UK thing, it’s English.

I'm not an immigrant but have spent a lot of time in the UK (family). A couple of things always baffle me.

Before I say anything, I hasten to state I love the UK and would happily move there if it made sense.

The first is beds. I have never slept in more uncomfortable beds than I have had in the UK. They tend to be small and lumpy. A double in the UK is smaller than in Canada. So is a queen or king sized bed. Even a twin is smaller! Why? Getting good sleep is so important.

Maybe it is smaller bedrooms but I have seen small beds in large rooms.

The other thing is supermarkets. My DH who is British says certain ones are more "posh" than others. Is it the selection, the price, or what? To be honest I haven't noticed a real difference. Some things are better in one supermarket than another but they all have good and bad points.

I was gobsmacked by how much people buy on finance. Cars, washing machines, dishwashers, sofas, prams... it seems mad to put yourself into debt unless you really, really have to. I can appreciate maybe needing a loan for a car but not for a pram. And if you need a car why does it have to be a new Audi? It makes you wonder how many vehicles and appliances are going to be repossessed at the next downturn.

I'm not an immogrant as such but was brought up abroad in a hindu country by my Indian stepfather and mother for the first 16 years of my life.
My upbringing was very strict, dress decently, study, no parties, no boyfrends, all my friends had arranged marriages as soon as they were 18.
I was pretty shocked when I got back to the UK with what girls wore, how they behaved, swearing, going out late in the night etc etc.
I still can't wear revealing clothes at 58 and feel uncomfortable if somebody behaves in a lewd way around me.
I find I gravitate towards friends who were brought up the same way and avoid people who are loud and disrespectful.
The other thing was winter. I arrived back in the UK wearing flip flops and a sun dress in February and had to go to the nearest shop to get a coat.
But I love going out for tea or coffee and watching the world go by, there was no cafe culture in my adopted country, the four seasons, love them all and the changing wheel of the year, snow, so much choice in shops and keeping pets. Indoor pets were not a thing there.

For me it's the cards.

I remember going to a friend's birthday party and some family friends gave her a present - she ran upstairs in silence and didn't say thank you, and said it's because she's going to write them a thank-you card later.

In my home country we just tell people in person or call them! I do like getting a nice card though so I'm sort of 50-50 now.

One thing: you can comment on people's hair, clothing, height, nails. You can even make a comment about a slim person's body type. But. You MUST NOT comment on a fat / big / overweight person's body type. You must make no reference to it, directly or indirectly, or even acknowledge it.

I'm from 'not around here' and where I'm from, a body type is a body type. People will describe you as what you look like and no one cries about it.

I’m currently in Morocco and is been an absolute joy to see groups of kids playing on the streets until late at night with zero adult supervision. They are confident and incredibly friendly and manybapproached my dc to play. It is the polar opposite in C London. Kids in Morocco are brought up in communities and it’s really struck me how deprived my dc is of community interaction.

Oh and why must we always ruin a beautiful cake with jam??

@cardamoncoffee

You sound so lovely. Please can I join your culture, if that doesn't sound too odd or inappropriate

I like Britain, but as I get older, the things I don't like annoy me more.

Biggest is how you don't say what you mean. I hate it. Just say what you mean. And I also hate when you don't say what you want. Example -
Me - where would you like to eat?
UK person - I dont mind anywhere
Me - What about x place
UK person - No dont fancy Indian
Me - well where would you like to eat
UK person - I dont mind
Me - Aaarrgghh
Just tell me what you want!!!

I also don't see the point in sending kids to bed early and them then getting up at the crack of dawn.

And yes to how individualised parenting is. In Britain parents own their kids in the culture, and only they are supposed to tell them off. Still seems very strange to me.

Not putting family up in your house and instead expecting them to stay in a hotel. My mum would cry if I did this and I would understand why. It is so uncaring of family members.

But main thing is how little is expected of younger children. I have read so many times on here that children are not developmentally capable of doing x, which children in some cultures will routinely do. And because so little is expected of younger children, then they are capable of doing less. I have had to mentally think of children of friends as much younger than their actual age so I have more realistic expectations of their actual capabilities.

My DM arrived in the 60s.

Things that got her then (and some of them still) were:

Sundays - there was nothing to do, everything was shut, she was unbelievably bored.
Sunday lunch - if she didn't make a roast it was shocking --she did not
The food - it was still postwar dreadful. Even now it's obvious that I don't eat standard British food as I wasn't brought up on it - no baked beans, Bisto gravy, shepherds pie etc. This only came to light when I got married and went to ILs and found all their food inedible
The racism - it was the era of no blacks/no dogs/no Irish
The complicated class system - she came from Scandinavia and continues to think it's weird
The absence of any childcare - her country had state kindergarten and childcare and most women worked. Here she got offered half a day at times that were no use to someone with a job. She sourced all sorts of people to be my childminders way before it was a job, our favourites were art students as I loved crafts.

There were loads of things growing up. I think we were the first people we knew to have duvets as we bought them specially on a trip to her country and brought them back home in the car when everyone else was still on blankets.

As an English Brit, I'm not in the least bit offended by any of this. In fact I find it fascinating. It was reading one of these threads like this that I saw a recommendation for a book called Watching the English by Kate Fox. A very enlightening read.

One thing I absolutely don't get it but obviously got used to it, is everyone speaking to you! Shops, beauty salons, tanning salons, coffee shops... How you doing? How are you today? You alright? You actually don't care how I am etc!!! Why bother...

AnnaMagnani

I completely agree with your mum. I don't understand the restriction of Sunday hours. I know people who work in retail want the time off, but don't they get that naturally by working 40 hours (if they're lucky to not be on a zero hours contract)? What difference does it make if it's Sunday or Tuesday, especially if not everyone attends church? I think it would be more beneficial to people to have the option to work more hours if they need to for the money. I'm sure companies could make religious exceptions and not schedule people on Sunday if requested, but also schedule other people who say they have the day open for work...

I've always wondered why everything shuts at 5:30, and even earlier on Sundays. Most people work Mon-Fri 9-5 so who is even going to these shops in the daytime? It would make more sense for them to close later, or to have their day off as Monday/Tuesday rather than Sunday.

The town we live in is heaving on the weekend, yet some brunch places (that would RAKE it in) are shut on Sundays....

I'm not an immigrant but have lived abroad for years in the past and am married to an immigrant.

Bedtimes - yes British bedtimes do seem early compared to other countries but I do wonder how kids cope with less sleep. Currently staying with in laws in southern Europe and my kids are getting to bed around 11pm every night. I try and be relaxed about this but my 6 year old just can't cope. He's having frequent meltdowns and behaving badly. I was an au pair in Spain and the kids always went to bed well after 10pm. We had to literally drag them out of bed in the morning for school and they'd be groggy and miserable . They had a 2 hour lunch break at school and I'd bring them home for lunch. They would often fall asleep after lunch and then I'd have to wake them up and drag them off to school again. I am not convinced late bedtimes are OK for young kids!

Only a couple of people have mentioned the binge drinking culture in the UK. I find it quite appalling to see people drinking and vomiting in the streets. I've never seen this behaviour in other countries (well,only seen Brits do it). I used to drink like this myself and really find it repugnant now I've stopped.

The other thing I dislike is the class system. Yes you see rich and poor people in other countries but here the class system is so much more than money. It relates to your entire lifestyle - how you speak, the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the holidays you have, the names you give your children. There's such a huge divide in the UK. It's like people from different classes can't understand or relate to each other at all.

Apart from that there's so much I love about my country!

My immigrant husband struggles with the lack of bidets. He finds it disgusting that we don't wash our bums with soap and water after going to the toilet! He hates the fact there are still sometimes separate cold and hot taps (I agree with this. Not something I'd ever considered before he pointed it out). He thinks lunch should be the same as dinner - a proper sit down hot meal. Never a sandwich!

@SallyWD - what's the issue with separate hot and cold taps you speak of?

British born but parents not.

British bed times - I was going to be a relaxed parent. I liked the idea of children enjoying evenings. My husband is a night person and neither of us are great in the mornings. So late to bed and late to rise seems a good way to go with kids. Sadly, my first born had different ideas. DC1 wakes too fucking early no matter what. Even weeks of late nights don't change that - we just end up with an increasingly ratty and over-tired child. So British style bed times had to become our norm.

The one I find odd is attitudes to family and extended family. Now, I think familial obligation can be a bit much in some cultures. But the British seem to take it to the other extreme now, a bit like the very individualistic parenting mentioned above. Family = parents and children. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...they've all either 'raised their own children/families' or 'have their own families'. I struggle to get that mentality. The village or community that it takes to raise a child, includes grandparents and other relatives. And in those situations it doesn't have to be the one-sided situation so often depicted in the UK. It's not adult children sponging off their parents or grandparents being expected to practically raise their grandchildren. It can be, and is elsewhere, family all chipping in and helping each other. Yet here, family ties are now kept as minimal as possible. I find it sad.