Calling all immigrants. Any aspects of British culture you struggle with?

[FishCanFly]

I will start:

• Kids bedtimes. I've been called neglectful.
• School uniforms. I could buy many more clothes within reasonable fashion.
• Film\game ratings. Like if Skyrim would harm a 12yo

@ClaraThePigeon The vibe on MN is most certainly that you don't interfere with other people's children's behaviour unless it's ridiculously terrible.

I remember being outside playing once. A woman who worked nights told (told, not asked) us to be quiet which we did but we then got excited again and started to get noisy. So she threw a bucket of water out of her window over us. That would make the news in the UK

Totally agree with the early bedtimes (my primary age dc go to bed at 10pm on both school days and weekends but I don't admit it to many people in RL!

They still get up at 7-8am, which is the same as other ppl's kids waking up at 5pm (after a 7-8pm bedtime) but somehow it's less socially acceptable??

The boarding school thing is a tiny tiny sector of society. I had to look this up but apparently only 1% of children in the UK go to boarding school. Don't assume your husband's family are typical!

I don't know how other people define Ex-Pats but to me they are professionals who move abroad temporarily, often moving countries every few years or so.

My Spanish cousin defines them as "the Brits that came here 20 years ago and still can't speak Spanish" ...

that is just the behaviour of a tiny insular elite. You must have a rich husband.
Actually the opposite. His family was pretty dysfunctional. And social workers said they should send their older kids to boarding schools so they can better focus on younger ones. I myself struggled to believe it.

DH is from South Africa.
Took him a while to understand the slang here.
Plus what really pisses him off is that apparently we put sweetcorn in everything.
You apparently can't buy a tuna sandwich here without there being sweetcorn in it.
He doesn't understand the appeal of baked beans either.
But then I don't understand the appeal of biltong. To each his own.

Some Mumsnetters are nuts about that judging by the recent plane thread, but thankfully I think most people are sensible.

Plus what really pisses him off is that apparently we put sweetcorn in everything.

Only after the mayonnaise ....

@DirtyDennis Tue 27-Aug-19 13:32:34
I also don't understand the very individualistic approach to parenting. I don't have children so I'm not speaking from a position of expertise at all but it seems that in the UK, you absolutely shouldn't concern yourself with anyone else's children or parenting at all (unless there is suspected abuse).

I find that so weird. Where I grew up, children really were raised by a community. You were just as likely to get bollocked by your neighbour, the shopkeeper, some random person on the bus as you were by your own parents. Parents didn't take it personally that someone else would tell their child off - the attitude was (is) if a child's being a twat, they need to be told enough and it doesn't really matter who does that.

It was like that here in the 80's. Before a lot of people became so precious and made their kids into snowflakes beyond all reproach.

See also the erosion of winners in games at school and children being told no.

I don’t get why you wouldn’t have early bedtimes for children here. Its dark and cold from 5pm for most of the year and marginally better early morning.
Everythingthing closes at 5.30pm, eating out costs a fortune and ..well its dark and cold. Bath and story and put them to bed early so parents can get a glass of wine and a bit of TV before early bed and another day of rain.

that is just the behaviour of a tiny insular elite. You must have a rich husband
Actually the opposite

They couldn't afford boarding school if they were the 'opposite of rich'. I suspect you have a skewed version of Britain based on marrying into a wealthy minority.

I don't see how your kid waking up at 5am is any better than them still being awake at 8/9pm. I'd rather have them up a bit later when they're tired and just want to watch a Disney film rather than bouncing around at dawn full of beans.

They couldn't afford boarding school if they were the 'opposite of rich'. I suspect you have a skewed version of Britain based on marrying into a wealthy minority
Council house and supervision of social workers sounds wealthy?

You are referred to as an expat by the people in the country you left.

You are an immigrant to the country you moved to (unless you happen to be talking among fellow expats in that country, in which case you are an expat again).

I think that's it anyway

probably like the offside rule, nobody really knows

Why are any of the OP point specific to immigrants? I'm British born and raised but think uniforms are over priced.

And boarding schools aren't a specific British thing.

I am English and have all English heritage (not even any welsh, Scottish or Irish thrown in!) as far back as we’ve traced and I don’t understand the not being able to tell other kids off.

I stand by the phrase “it takes a village” when raising children and when mine were playing it up, it always “surprised” them enough to stop if another adult told them off, or not even told off, just spoke to them. It seemed to shock them in a way as they were used to me.

Everywhere? What, like Japan? You’re generalising.

You're quite right - Japan are as fucked up as we are. Thankfully the French, Dutch, Germans, Spanish, Italians, Nigerians, Indians, Chinese, Turkish and Arabs as a whole (all based on people who I've known well, who have all commented on the non-direct weirdness) are not so fucked up. Admittedly that's not the entire rest of the world but only because I haven't checked every country yet.

On the ex-pat and immigrant thing - I don't know, it's tied up with wealth and power I think. But I just wanted to add that it gets more complex for me because I was born in the UK to a British mother and half-British father and lived here for a few years, then I moved to the country where my paternal grandparents are which is where my dad grew up, then I moved back to the UK. So... what the actual fuck am I?

I don't really struggle with anything.
There are things that annoy me or bug me, and the tidal "fucked off far away" sea really pissed me off but overall it's all good.
I mostly do what works for me and my family/friends and it seems to be going pretty well.

Plus I work in a school,telling other people's kids off is overrated.

@ContessaLovesTheSunshine You can also safely include large part of the Caribbean in your list of "direct to the point no bullshit cultures".

I suggest that "ex-pat" is a linguistic fig-leaf intended to put some clear blue water between English emigrants, and non-English immigrants ... it sort of coyly prevents the people left behind in England from having to accept that the English abroad as as much immigrants as the non-English in England.

Keep it light, Dante

I'm very English and I don't get the non direct thing, I've often realised I've been rude after the fact. Like if ppl said they wanted no wedding gifts I took them at their word but then I've been told afterwards that that is a major faux paux. Not sure if that's an English thing or a wedding thing though? I think I'm quite a literal person so if someone says something I take that as what they mean.

@DirtyDennis I’m British and I agree 110% I’ve scolded many twat children and requested their parents to be brought before me to scold them too for raising such twats!!! Who’s child throws stones off peoples windows? Or throws litter on the floor and argues when asked to pick it up?

to go with your epitome of British culture, the cup of tea. Should do you reet.

I had the opposite. I had been invited to a newly made friend's grandchild christening. I was totally clueless how to behave, so I bought a nice toy. The other guests turned up with picture frames and fridge magnets.