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Original poster

MN Beginners Guide.

548 replies

SeaSaltandLime · 19/08/2019 22:52

  • A Biscuit isn't a good thing.
  • You must RTFT (read the full thread) before commenting.
  • If you find an unidentifiable object in your home, you must lick it.
If that object is moving, you must poke it.
  • You can bookmark and save threads. Placemarking and littering (I.e putting . on a thread) is not necessary.
  • Any parking threads must include a diagram.
  • Adding a 'fuck you daily mail' disclaimer to your thread will do fuck all.
  • You do not need to prove your MN worthiness after a name change by including old 'classic' thread themes (naice ham, Pom Bears..) It's not necessary.

Anymore to add?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 22/08/2019 12:24
  • or say
Propertyofhood · 22/08/2019 12:26

Even if your husband works 12 hour days with an hours driving commute each way, and you are at home all day looking after a baby, when he gets home he should get the dinner on and taking the baby off you so that you can go up for a long hot soak in the bath. And then he should get up to do all the night feeds so that you can get a good night's sleep. And if you are breastfeeding he should still wake up anyway so that he is not sleeping when you aren't. If he doesn't do all of these things then you are doing all the work and it's totally unfair.

notacooldad · 22/08/2019 12:46

BertrandRussell

And salads are always huge
And home made and yummy!

Drogosnextwife · 22/08/2019 12:48

It's absolutely fine for you and your new baby to stay in the house with all the doors locked and curtains shut for at least 2 months after the birth, this is perfectly normal on MN, infact 2 months may not be enough. Also no visitors at all apart from your own mother who should come to cook and clear for you in your darkened cave, tell dp none, that's right NONE of his family can visit the child until it is around 6 months old, he can send them a picture. No over night stays with anyone until said child is at least 14, it's your baby, you get to make the rules, dp can fuck off.

Owlypants · 22/08/2019 16:45

What I've learned about myself since joining mn.
I am a stepchild therefore i am entitled to everything and its perfectly acceptable for me to act like a twat.

I am a step mother which means i am an entitled bitch who is actually evil and has no rights (not sure if that cancels out my stepchild privileges)

I swear and often use blasphemous phrases which obviously means I'm a terrible parent and will definitely burn in the bad fire

I don't own a house in the forest, i rent from the council. I know know my place in society, i am scum and a leech on tax payers despite working my arse off and not claiming benefits.

I have actually tried to better myself by trying to follow advice given on mn but giving my head a wobble has solved none of my problems. My dp has been wondering why there is a row of rubber ducks in the bathroom, I've told him it's the answer to all our problems

Linseedlill · 22/08/2019 19:30

If you post a weekly meal plan, remember that hardly any Mumsnetters eat leftovers, and God forbid if you eat the same dish two nights running!

Linseedlill · 22/08/2019 19:31

...except the Mumsnet chicken which stretches to five consecutive nights of course.

notacooldad · 22/08/2019 20:25

My dp has been wondering why there is a row of rubber ducks in the bathroom, I've told him it's the answer to all our problems
Brilliant!!

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 23/08/2019 00:36

If you're male, you must never mention this except by inference until you've been here at least 5 years. Safe topics: grandchildren, boilers, how to join a motorway, sporn. Unsafe topics: sex, feminism, the royals, Brexit, sex, misused apostrophes, THE CHICKEN OH GOD THE CHICKEN, sex. Also don't reveal what you do if left alone for a weekend. Everyone knows it's Xboxing in your pants and three octave farting, but you must at least make a pretence of abandoned loneliness.

RainingFrogsAndHats · 23/08/2019 01:39

Just posting for the deletion message!

KaleidoscopeEyes · 23/08/2019 02:02

This thread is great. Also it confirms that there is a higher percentage of 'my' people than I thought. I can tell this by the way you're all so fucking disparaging about the other ones Grin

Whattodo20192 · 23/08/2019 03:52

Can anyone post a link for the Balonz thread please? I've searched but can't spot it.

nononever · 23/08/2019 06:36

My dp has been wondering why there is a row of rubber ducks in the bathroom, I've told him it's the answer to all our problems

😂

Just posting for the deletion message!

Why, have you reported it?

nononever · 23/08/2019 06:37

Oops forgot my 😂 re deletion

AnneKipanki · 23/08/2019 07:49

Here is the photo

AnneKipanki · 23/08/2019 07:51

Ah photo did not attach .

MN Beginners Guide.
AnneKipanki · 23/08/2019 07:52

This thread was needing some more birds .
I am not a man .

nononever · 23/08/2019 08:02

After reading this thread I don't actually belong here 😂. I do all my husband's laundry and holiday packing, I don't have any ducks in a row, a fat fuck off chicken lasts 2 days and I don't eat it, there are only two of us. And I'm guilty of the cardinal sin of being a SAHW with 2 degrees and a post grad therefore I've wasted my education by not contributing to society. To sum it up I'm a surrendered/Stepford wife who is a drain on everything and everyone. I have step children I love and they love me and I get on just fine with the ex wife. Oh and I love a spa day but don't need my husband to fuck up so I can be told to flounce and have one.

Off out for a bit of retail therapy, spending my husband's hard earned cash then meeting a friend of coffee. I love my life.

nononever · 23/08/2019 08:03

AnneKipanki 😂

Original poster
SeaSaltandLime · 23/08/2019 08:04

@DisgraceToTheYChromosome Grin brilliant.

OP posts:
RedForShort · 23/08/2019 08:18

Oh yea, DH's family can have nothing to do with his baby. Certainly better not even stoke a foot (or worse a cheek).

Also if your DH has anymore contact than a ten minutes telephone conversation ok once a month, she is a controlling interfering bitch. (It goes without saying by 'once a month' I do not mean December as the contains Christmas. (And quite frankly he should be aware there's no time to call him mum at Christmas as the organising and planning started in February.)

If he even thinks of getting her a card, or seeing, her on Mother's day he needs to cut the apron strings, evidently does not prioritise you and you need to LTB.

BertrandRussell · 23/08/2019 08:25

Nobody ever had only one degree. They always have st least 2- one from Oxbridge.

RainingFrogsAndHats · 23/08/2019 09:12

If your husband or partner ever interacts with any female, he's probably having an affair with her.

You should start a thread about this in Relationships and search his phone

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 23/08/2019 09:30

Nobody ever had only one degree. They always have st least 2- one from Oxbridge.

And the other MUST be a Russell group (usually just knowingly referred to as "RG")

Ditto when discussing children's education choices.

(My ex-poly degree isn't worth the spittle off their derision. oh well, I'll just wipe my tears with my big fat paycheck as I enjoy my flexible working in a great company with a fab boss.. )

AnneKipanki · 23/08/2019 09:52

arghhh , I love the smell of Mumsnet in the morning !

Especially school holiday mornings !

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