MN Beginners Guide.

[SeaSaltandLime]

• A isn't a good thing.
• You must RTFT (read the full thread) before commenting.
• If you find an unidentifiable object in your home, you must lick it.

If that object is moving, you must poke it.

• You can bookmark and save threads. Placemarking and littering (I.e putting . on a thread) is not necessary.
• Any parking threads must include a diagram.
• Adding a 'fuck you daily mail' disclaimer to your thread will do fuck all.
• You do not need to prove your MN worthiness after a name change by including old 'classic' thread themes (naice ham, Pom Bears..) It's not necessary.

Anymore to add?

If your partner is a gamer - just don't mention it.

If your DC use screens of any kind - be prepared to be castigated.

If your DM gives your DC chocolate when babysitting - you will be advised to go No Contact.

If you want us to help name your kitten then you must attach a photo and most importantly tell us what name you've decided on.

It is never wise to start threads about dogs attacking/biting/generally annoying you in the park.

It was your own fault. You must have upset the dog in some way.

You must use white bed lined exclusively. Any other colour suggests you would be better off on Nethuns.

Feel free to start threads about your SIL.

Whatever she's done, it is always wrong.

And never say that you wash your bedding less than once a week!

Do not admit it if you do not iron your white bed linen. This is tantamount to MN suicide and you may be banned from the site.

When you see a thread title you've read a million times before, you must open the thread to write that this discussion has been had a million times before, rather than scrolling past.

Never go on holiday with your ILs.

Even if they're paying ££££££££££ for it and charging you nothing.

If you, and I stress lightheartedly comment that :-

Eg.

• Holly Willoughby is an annoying vacuum.
• You can't stand EastEnders
• You don't particularly like jammydodgers

or some other trivia then be prepared for someone firing back the following responses with vitriol:-

-Well don't watch her then, you don't have to watch her, turn TV off

• Well don't watch it then, your TV has an off button
• well don't eat them then, there are other biscuits out there..

and so on, blah, blah blah, like you hadn't thought of any of those options....

Whatever you do, do not, I repeat not, ask opinions on a dress for a wedding. You will be hit with so many rules and regulations that people pull out of thin air state with great certainty must be obeyed, you will end up staying at home.

Regarding weddings - if you're thinking of wearing a dress that happens to have a small amount of white or cream incorporated on to it (and you're a guest) do not ask for MNetters' opinions on its suitability.

If you start a thread in AIBU and are not getting the responses you had hoped for which happens 100% of the time you must:

a) write an outraged post saying you're asking MNHQ to delete the thread

and

b) flounce

Flouncing is an essential tool for the avid MNetter.

If you post anything about conceiving / ovulation, be prepared to be met with several really smug comments along the lines of 'well I got pregnant straight away'.

If your posting about the most horrendous situation you must check, double check and have it proof read by an Oxbridge Don for any grammar errors

If your posting about the most horrendous situation you must check, double check and have it proof read by an Oxbridge Don for any grammar errors

This is true. You must not confuse "your" with "you're" or say "grammar" when you should have said "grammatical".

Some people only read posts with the intention of correcting them.

If your DH takes time out of family life to do his 'hobby' it is essential you tell other MNetters what the hobby is.
Failure to do so will irritate the entire MN community.

If you start a thread in AIBU and are not getting the responses you had hoped for which happens 100% of the time you must
Do t forget to personally thank the only person that agrees with them adding that you are glad at least some one sees sense!!(The other 600 or so other people who disagreed with the OP must be a bit thick!)

But they will still know it's cycling. 🚲

Look out for the threads where someone has asked how to make a particular type of recipe. The competitiveness is palpable, along with the utter horror at how other people make it. Anything Italian, and especially bolognese are no.1 for this.

There are some threads in which you can guess how high the word count if 'homemade' will be in a thread about food. The best are what's on this week's menu threads. Bonus points should be issued for if it appears more than twice in one post. Award yourself with a take away when you reach a certain level of points. Go on the thread and tell them you are having a takeaway - you can convert each conniption about 'junk food' into a g&t.

Anything Italian, and especially bolognese are no.1 for this.

However don't expect more than 0.1% of the MN population to actually have any inkling about how to actually cook foreign food, even though they make out like they're the Keith Floyd of

I have to sit on my hands when I see some of the 'recipes' used for food from where I come from. It's like the colonial's guide to cooking - shout over the locals and tell them you know best.

Hey re: food, actually there are a lot of European mums on this site who have first-hand experience of French, Italian, Belgian & Greek recipes. I have a French grandmother and Italian SIL and I am not in the minority, it's a pretty cosmopolitan site.

If you get invited to a wedding and the bride and groom ask for money for their honeymoon as a gift then you must start a thread on how upsetting this is and questioning if you will bother going to the wedding at all

If you have gone through your partners phone, and found something suspicious, and have brought it up with him and he tells you it's nothing, you are paranoid, you are a terrible, sneaky human being, you have no right and he should leave you straight away.

If you haven't yet got round to looking through his phone, but suspect something may be going on, you must immediately hack into all of his personal accounts, go through his phone, emails etc and gather all evidence you can for weeks if you have to. Don't tell him anything.

In truth BuzzShitbagBobbly, there's a good deal of recipes explained on here that sound completely unappetizing, some quite grim. They do tend to be the ones followed by a self-analysis of 'yum' or 'yummy, possibly a 'nom-nom'.