If your DH trips over DD clarinet which she thoughtfully left at the top of the stairs, causing him to fall down them and land on DS flute which made the DDog bark, a rescue dog of course, and he shouts at the DD and DS then he's an abusive bastard. In which case you should immediately throw him out of the house, change the locks and log it with the police.
You must also hate his DM, with a vengeance.
If you have a high flying DH, who is lovely, then you must show your appreciation for your lovely DFamily by cooking wholesome meal which will be the last remains of the mumsnet chicken with plenty of hummus and a skip full of salad. Once you have finished your own high flying career work, which you have done from home, which the cleaner has cleaned with zoflora.
When your Dchildren reach the age of 18, they are adults and therefore must be able to use the family home like a hotel, whatever your own views are.
You must wash all bedding and towels on the hour, every hour. To do anything less is seen as slattern and you will die a slow painful death.
You must never, ever admit to living in rented/social housing or sending your children to a state school. To do so will result in another slow painful death.
You must be mindful of your carbon footprint and the planet whatever you are doing, even putting your veg peelings in the wrong bin will cause the sky to fall in. In fact, you shouldn't put them in the bin, you should put them on a compost heap or make something delicious for lunch with them.
You must never, ever refer to your fanny as a vagina! To do so will have mnetters clutching their pearls and hoiking their bosoms up so far that they will be wearing them as ear muffs while tilting their heads to one side and saying ' surely you mean vulva' with a tinkly laugh of disdain.
The use of the letter D prior to Husband, Daughter, Son etc is a must, as set out in the first paragraph. However, you may confuse other viewers by using DF, which could mean DFather, DFriend, DFiance or similar.