MN Beginners Guide.

[SeaSaltandLime]

• A isn't a good thing.
• You must RTFT (read the full thread) before commenting.
• If you find an unidentifiable object in your home, you must lick it.

If that object is moving, you must poke it.

• You can bookmark and save threads. Placemarking and littering (I.e putting . on a thread) is not necessary.
• Any parking threads must include a diagram.
• Adding a 'fuck you daily mail' disclaimer to your thread will do fuck all.
• You do not need to prove your MN worthiness after a name change by including old 'classic' thread themes (naice ham, Pom Bears..) It's not necessary.

Anymore to add?

Don't admit to being a Catholic either.

And God forbid if you are a SAHM and a Catholic.

Oh and don't even think about commenting unless you've RTFT

My insomnia has been giving me gyp (this may or may not be racist. See threads passim. My research suggests it's not).

Lots of things on this thread have made bells ring for me.

I chose the above quotation (sorry, PP. You were one of many) out of all the things that irritate me

No. Don't even think about commenting on a thread that's over about 20 comments long.

It's very unlikely that you're a genius who has suddenly thought that "Cancel the cheque!' (for example) is brilliant.

So, yes. RT bloody fucking obvious there-to-be-read FT.

Then comment.

Could anyone tell me a bedtime story?

Everyone in your life is very dear to you, so they all need an acronym with D in front of it when you refer to them.

This includes your pets, so you need to write DDog despite this being longer than simply typing 'dog' and the fact that it's an aggressive Rottweiler.

You are allowed to snap and fart @MelanieFrontage
Morning!

There are MNers who are either out to start a ruck, or have no sense of humour, and there are others who can't stand

OP: DD (13) isn't overweight (tiny waist) but she is built like Mrs Thorin Oakenshield and has the feet to match. Can anyone suggest good places for shoes and clothes?
Poster1: I can't believe someone is being so completely callous about her teenage DD.
Poster2: You do realise that 'Mrs HusbandsName' is very demeaning to all women?

But stick in there and you'll get a reply about eugh, these vile twee , we can work it out, you know.

You will also get loads of good suggestions. Whatever, a hide like a rhino can be handy.

@2018SoFarSoGreat 
Just catching up with the thread.@SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum , so true!

Where is the OP ?
I don't think she'll be back .
It's the school holidays.

My flowers are not attaching for you @2018SoFarSoGreat !

In the same vein, your children don’t even know what chocolate or crisps are, because they came out of the womb asking for home-made hummus and raw carrot sticks.

Carrot sticks! Why not just give them a bag of sugar to dip their fingers in. Carrots have a very high sugar content don't you know!

You're children must only ever wear bright coloured, patterned (preferably scandanavian pattern) mismatched clothing.

Never answer the door unless you have been prewar Ed of the person's visit at least a week in advance. (I'm actually considering starting this. I am always so disappointed when there's an unexpected chap on the door)

If you must eat meat, make it once a month at most. Climate change is your fault meat eaters! (disclaimer: I eat meat).

@Linseedlill
Hell yeah !
If you don't have time to comment can't be arsed but want to follow an interesting thread use a biscuit 🍪 or a.

If you had the temerity to have had your DC in your twenties and be damn happy about it you are in fact;

A- lying

B- an uneducated and desperate chav

C- a troll

D- deluded

E- must never have travelled to far flung places, partied, got post-grad qualifications or did anything fun whatsoever as you surely were perma-chained to the sink while begetting said babies under the baleful eyes of your children's many fathers (just one here so far)= - back to A.

Never admit to flying long haul or indeed just flying anywhere, you will be crucified for your carbon footprint as every other poster is living a 100% carbon neutral lifestyle.

Thanks, Tante.

Always say ‘are you on glue’ every time someone posts something vaguely ridiculous, because y’know, it’s such a hilarious put down.

Always suggest the name Juliet on every baby name thread, even if the poster is having a boy.

For months I thought that STBXH meant stupid bastard ex husband

Still works Whattodo .

Never post that you’re buying a certain dog breed ever. Everybody will comment saying you shouldn’t ever buy that dog breed as your lifestyle doesn’t suit it at all. I have seen this with... every single dog breed. I am running out of dog breeds

Stupid bastard ex husband is GENIUS.

@Springfern "BuzzShitbagBobbly what's wrong with @-ing?!"

I am not exactly sure. When it came in some MNers acted like the sky had fallen in and now you see people crossly scolding others for using it, like they have hacked the site to do something unspeakable, not used a standard feature.

I don't mind it and will use it in return (as here) or if I see that poster has used it previously)

I think the beef with the @-ing was that some posters didn’t like being notified or e-mailed about it when named. Doesn’t bother me though 🤷🏻‍♀️.

You do not have a job.
You have a role.

And everybody is always "retraining".

I don't know a soul in real life who has "retrained". Everyone just gets on with it; or changes job to get somewhere they prefer, because you know, bills.

Remember, your DH/DP does his hobby and your DCs do activities.
Sticking pasta to paper or painting is no longer kids playing.
It is CRAFTS.

Never admit to flying long haul or indeed just flying anywhere
Dare I mention pre-booking seats?
I fly long haul every year. And I do it in Business or First (even though there is basically no difference between First and economy anyway and you all arrive at the same time so yeah). So basically I am Satan's Environmental protégé .

Don't forget to offer legal advice on what you would like to be true, rather than anything based on legislation, or reality.

E.g., All solicitors will give you 30 minutes free legal advice.

From the very second you say 'I do' you automatically own half of every thing, and will be awarded this should you divorce, no matter how short the marriage.

If you present to the council as homeless they will either have to house you immediately, or you will spend years in a b&b or in a single room in a hostel surrounded by drug crazed psychopaths. Nothing in between.

If social services find out your partner has an occasional spiff, you will either have to throw him out of have your children immediately removed for adoption.

If your husband has an affair you are legally allowed to put his belongings in to plastic bags and change the locks because the house isn't n his name.

What on earth is the naive ham and Pom bears reference

No ham is "naïve" OP.

Make sure you're as condescending as possible when putting down someone for an obvious typo.

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