Is 4 lager cans a night, 7 days a week ‘usual’ for men, or a concern?

[Weymo]

My new husband drinks 4 cans of beer a night, 7 nights a week, every week. Usually Carling “because it’s only weak”, he says.

If there’s birthday whisky in the house he’ll follow with a glass of that each night too until the bottle is drained by the end of the week.

He’s started buying a bottle of Cava for Friday nights. I’ll have one half glass, he’ll have the rest.

He’ll also buy cider and make a lager and cider concoction.

I grew up with an alcoholic grandmother so have a poor attitude to alcohol as I’ve seen what it does to people. Consequently I rarely have a drink, I don’t like the taste or effects of alcohol anyway fortunately.

Is drinking 4 cans every night, 7 days a week, ‘usual’ for most men?

We’ve just got back from holiday and I know it’s holidays and all that, but even then he’d always have one or two beers with his evening meal without fail, and the Cava made a show too.

What piques my concern, is like my Gran who used to hide her alcohol (always in daft places like the cistern, sink cupboard, behind bath panel, outside gas cupboard...) he has started to only bring his cans of beer in as I put the kids to bed at night. I hear the car alarm and sure enough despite being home for some hours, he’ll only fetch it in when I’m out of the room.

He also leaves one can on the side, as if to suggest when I see it in the morning he’s only had one can all night, despite the other 4 or 5 being in the bin.

We have talked about this of course. First off he said it’s nothing to worry about, then said he’ll cut back. He didn’t drink anything for 2 nights in a row, then it went back to normal.

Really though, is 4 cans a night that big a deal? Or is it something I need to discuss with him again?

No its not usual. Shouldn't really drink every night to give the body time to process the alcohol

New husband and you've only just noticed his drinking habits?

I would say, most people I know would drink that daily, in a pub - blokes on the way home from work, women more likely to be a bottle on the go after the school run.

However - this is your problem - If there’s birthday whisky in the house he’ll follow with a glass of that each night too until the bottle is drained by the end of the week. - that is not normal drinking.

Little chats wont help you, he's got to want to stop. He's looking for excuses to continue.

I wouldn’t be happy with this.

Your attitude to alcohol is fine. Your husband clearly has a problem.

From what you're saying it's not just four cans?

The fact he's trying to hide his drinking suggests more of an issue than the amount, although is this in response to you bringing it up?

Cider + lager = snakebite, by the way .

My ex used to drink like this. After we split I found can and bottles stashed all over the house - in my sons room, down the sofa, under kitchen units, on top of cupboards, literally everywhere. It also turned out he'd been banned for drink driving four times.
He would spend every night snoring on the sofa and obviously that was why.
They are functioning alcoholics at the end of the day. Dress it up how you like, they have an addiction. How did you not notice this before?

I would say he's an alcoholic. Not only does he drink daily but large quantities too. The NHS guidance is for max 14 units per week and that's 6 lagers weekly.

my dad does exactly the same thing re getting cans out of the car boot after my mom has gone to bed. then leaving one or two cans on the kitchen side as if she can't see the empties in the recycling bin! your husband is an alcoholic.

I'm sure someone will be along in a bit to call me a snob but I find the whole "4 cans of Carling every evening" scenario really unsavoury (pun intended). Not to mention the cider combo. He's clearly not drinking for taste/pleasure/socially etc. but simply pouring as much alcohol as possible down his throat.
Your husband has a drinking problem.

No that is not normal. He has a problem. He tried to cut back and failed after 48 hours. Big problem.

Try asking for an alcohol free house. Only drinking when you go out.

No I'd say it;s not so usual. I'd also watch out for him hiding alcohol and drinking that on the sly possibly whilst having the "dummy" few cans in front of you (I'm alcohol dependant and did this every day for almost 2 decades. My aloholic mother also does this - "distraction" dummy drink of "only one glass of wine", but is actually also sneaking in extra alchohol as soon as anyone is out of the room etc).

It’s a concern. My DF used to do this in my teens, now when I went home recently in my 20s he fell over on the way to bed most nights. Sadly if he won’t accept he has a problem, it only goes one way.

If he wanted to get as much alcohol as possible down his throat via cans of lager, then Carling wouldn't be the way to go!

No it’s only minimum 4 cans of Carling every night, 7 days a week.

Whisky is rare as it’s usually just a birthday present.

The bottle of Cava thing, I feel like that’s my fault now. We were ‘testing’ some out just before our wedding for the reception drinks idea, and because I said I liked it (I don’t normally drink) he’s kind of got into the habit of buying a bottle a week now. But even then I only have half a glass of it, he’ll drink the rest.

It’s a bit worrying that most replies are saying he might have a drink problem. I did wonder.

I have no problem with him drinking, his job is stressful, we have money worries constantly, he’s an otherwise sensible man, with no family drinking history I know of. I just wanted to know if it’s usual for men to drink this amount every night, or if I need to gently discuss with him again?

what happens if he doesn't drink? has he ever gone without the four cans?

In the nicest way possibly OP, I don't think you should "gently" discuss it. More like tell him it is unacceptable and he needs to get help. It will only get worse - more and/or stronger alcohol.
You mention money worries - buying all this booze is surely not helping.

Whether or not it's usual, which it's not, is irrelevant.

That level of drinking is about four times the recommended weekly units, a lot of unnecessary calories and adds up to a lot of money, which it sounds like you can't afford. Just the lager alone is over £100 pm, which is ridiculous and very selfish

Drinking every day is not healthy, the recommendation is two alcohol free days a week.

You asked on mumsnet. You will only ever get a diagnosis of alcoholism from people that generally are not even GP's. (Who no longer even use the term)

Your new DH drinks his birthday whiskey?
Well, of course he does.

Do YOU think he has a problem?

It's pretty unusual to be honest. I am guilty of having the odd post work pint every few weeks but I probably only drink at home when having a bbq or friends round which is pretty rare. I would personally find it difficult to live with someone who had a could not get through the day without drinking

BillieEilish

I don’t know if he has a problem , that’s why I asked for opinions.

I realise they may be uninformed, generalised or even scaremongery, but it helps give me perspective, and as in the case of some posters who recognised the issue with ‘hiding’ alcohol around the house, that gives me confidence there’s a potential problem brewing maybe.

This is not normal drinking
He cannot stop , he hides his consumption , the cava ‘ for you ‘ is really for him and he thinks you haven’t noticed
Also his Carling habit alone is coding approx £85 per month

He needs to stop , I would not be happy with this .

PanGalacticGargleBlaster that’s the thing. I’ve no issue with men who want to wind down with a few beers every evening after work, I just wondered if it’s normal to do this 7 nights a week.

I’m not at the Don’t Panic! stage yet, but I’m trying to get perspective given my history of having an alcoholic gran, as to whether there’s concern here.

Weymo fair enough.

To my mind, that is like two pints with friends on the way home from work.

My view is it's an 80's work ethic

Honestly, every day there is this question, instant 'alcoholic' answers and I don't think it is helpful for a marriage.

Women will say 'I have a glass of wine a night' response 'alcoholic'

I do think he should have the two days off a week though. The units mean nothing.

Good luck, you are clearly worried

I think that's fine on occasion, but not every night. I would consider myself an above average drinker. I drink 3-4 drinks about 3 times a week (usually Friday, Saturday evenings, Sunday lunch or Thursday, Friday, Saturday evenings). Many people would consider that a lot (it's fine for me, it's the only 'vice' I have). But I think every day is too much. I wouldn't be able to function the next day if I was drinking like that all the time.

He is a functional alcoholic and he does have a drink problem. He isn’t in control of his drinking - he’s reliant/ addicted to it.

I'll have a G&T or two most days, I dont see it as a problem, I dont try and hide it though.