Is 4 lager cans a night, 7 days a week ‘usual’ for men, or a concern?

[Weymo]

My new husband drinks 4 cans of beer a night, 7 nights a week, every week. Usually Carling “because it’s only weak”, he says.

If there’s birthday whisky in the house he’ll follow with a glass of that each night too until the bottle is drained by the end of the week.

He’s started buying a bottle of Cava for Friday nights. I’ll have one half glass, he’ll have the rest.

He’ll also buy cider and make a lager and cider concoction.

I grew up with an alcoholic grandmother so have a poor attitude to alcohol as I’ve seen what it does to people. Consequently I rarely have a drink, I don’t like the taste or effects of alcohol anyway fortunately.

Is drinking 4 cans every night, 7 days a week, ‘usual’ for most men?

We’ve just got back from holiday and I know it’s holidays and all that, but even then he’d always have one or two beers with his evening meal without fail, and the Cava made a show too.

What piques my concern, is like my Gran who used to hide her alcohol (always in daft places like the cistern, sink cupboard, behind bath panel, outside gas cupboard...) he has started to only bring his cans of beer in as I put the kids to bed at night. I hear the car alarm and sure enough despite being home for some hours, he’ll only fetch it in when I’m out of the room.

He also leaves one can on the side, as if to suggest when I see it in the morning he’s only had one can all night, despite the other 4 or 5 being in the bin.

We have talked about this of course. First off he said it’s nothing to worry about, then said he’ll cut back. He didn’t drink anything for 2 nights in a row, then it went back to normal.

Really though, is 4 cans a night that big a deal? Or is it something I need to discuss with him again?

CatPuns you know him then? You speak so authoritively about him.

The fact it's every night of the week is troubling imo, yes. It's just unhealthy.

I do hate when people bandy around 'alcoholic'. First because it has a medical definition about dependence and if he is drinking 4 cans (he's not) he wouldn't be physically addicted. Stopping drinking cold turkey when you are physically addicted is dangerous. It's likely he's drinking what, 10 units in beer a night, and maybe another few you don't know about. Not 24 plus, which is when he'd never be sober and therefore physically addicted.

However, danger signs. He can't have a few days off. He wastes money you don't have on it. He hides it. He is drinking more. People he loves are concerned. Those are all worrying and point to a really concerning relationship with alcohol.

He needs to seek help but he won't want to. And if he can't do a sober month for example, you have some choices to make.

It's a lot. Sorry OP, I agree with other people: he's a functioning alcoholic. Do you know why he feels he needs to get drunk?

My partner is a CAMRA activist so beer is also his hobby as well as what he unwinds with, but he rarely drinks more than two bottles on an evening at home, and he's as likely to have a cup of tea as some beer. He drinks out at various pubs with other CAMRA people a couple of nights a week but from what I know 3 pints is his limit.

My father was an alcoholic BTW. It's a miserable life.

Four cans a night is at the top end but it sounds like he's actually drinking much more than that.

Bring secretive about it is,as you suggest a concern, although is he hiding it from you or from DC, which would seem responsible.

How is he in his drink?

MrsTerryPrachett Good post and sensible adive. it drives me crazy when people on here say instantly 'alcoholic'. 4 cans of a week lager does not an 'alcoholic' make.

It's almost a slur on real alcoholics facing addiction.

OP just get him to have a break for two days a week. Or rather suggest it.

weak lager!

Most males I know drink on a Friday night only, Saturday if there’s a match on. Rarely at home unless it’s Christmas or birthday.

@MrsTerryPratchett interesting what you say about not being able to do a sober month.

I enjoy a drink and sometimes drink more than I should but I never drink during the week when I'm working and wouldn't dream of driving after even one drink.

I started dry January this year but only made it to 18th. I just decided I didn't want to do it any more. Is that an issue?

''I would say, most people I know would drink that daily, in a pub - blokes on the way home from work, women more likely to be a bottle on the go after the school run.''

Christ-who are your friends-Oliver Reed, Amy Winehouse and Charlie Sheen??? Are you actually telling me 'most people' you know would drink amount daily?That's absurd.

No op, this is not on-drinking daily like this is a sure sign of a problem. I'd be very concerned. Most ppl I know would limit drining to weekends if they drink.

The way to know if he has a problem is if he could happily go without it. I suspect you know the answer.

Hiding drinks is pretending to himself and to you, and that’s another sign of addiction.

LOL I doubt amywinehouse or *OliverReed drank just 4 cans of Carling a night.

LOL I doubt amywinehouse or *OliverReed drank just 4 cans of Carling a night. grin

ha yes hyperbole but anybody drinking 7 days a week to me is signs of a problem and I'm a man with alot of male friends. If it was 1 a day I'd be like meh but 4 a day to me every day is a sign of a problem and as otherts have said I don't know how he functions the next day- I'm assuming as he's a newly wed he's young[under 35] so can handle it now easier but this will get tougher as he ages.

I'd have a hangover on 4 cans

This is how it begins. My exh said its only 4 cans if carling. He went off sick and never returned to work. He progressed to 15 cans a day. He used to lie about how many he'd had. He used to throw them away when I was at work. As far as I know he is still an alcoholic.

There's no real way of knowing how much he actually drinks if he is hiding it, but the hiding in itself is concerning. It doesn't really matter if he fits the definition of an alcoholic at this stage, because his drinking is secretive, expensive and is causing you stress.
I know a few alcoholics who make a show of only drinking weak lager (I've no idea how strong Carling is, since I only drink homebrew and can only manage one!) to disguise the fact that they are actually necking large quantities of spirits or strong cider. Do you think this is what he is doing?
The cava "for you" is clearly just an excuse, what would he do if you said that you'd gone right off it?

Works out around 56 units a week purely from beer.

If he’s having a bottle of wine at some point that week, and maybe some cider, he’s easily touching 70-80 units a week. Way, way above recommended levels.

At the very least, that’s problematic drinking. If he has symptoms of dependence, it would be alcoholism.

Either way, it’s a problem and definitely not “normal”.

Guidelines are 14 units/ week. Your husband is drinking over 50. So yes he is drinking too much and increasing his risk of cancers and other health problems. More info on the drink aware website and NHS website.

''However - this is your problem - If there’s birthday whisky in the house he’ll follow with a glass of that each night too until the bottle is drained by the end of the week. - that is not normal drinking.''

eh no the her problem is what she's pointed out, 4 cans a day every day to me[and many others here and in the real world] would be a problem on its own.

A can of Carling has 2.3 units of alcohol so he's having 64.4 units per week, without the extra Cava (another 6 or so units) plus any whiskey.

He's currently having about five times the recommended 14 units per week which would class him as a dangerous drinker (50 or more units per week).

He is certainly going to already have or be developing physical problems such as liver disease as a result of this and needs to cut down very significantly.

No, I don't think this is normal.

''This is how it begins. My exh said its only 4 cans if carling. He went off sick and never returned to work. He progressed to 15 cans a day. He used to lie about how many he'd had. He used to throw them away when I was at work. As far as I know he is still an alcoholic.''

Exactly I cannot believe people here are minimising this -if it was somebody going to McDonalds every day for a meal would people still say it wasn't a problem or no of obesity??

Not normal

4 cans of lager and a glass of whiskey is 12 units a day.

That's 84 units a week.

He should only have 14 units a week.

It's a problem

I had to double check if I’d written this post, one of the reasons I’m divorcing my H is his drinking. On a good week he will have only 4 cans every night, but this can increase to 8 very easily. This means he is unable to drive the children anywhere (my son just asked him to drop him and his friends to football as I’m waiting for a parcel) he couldn’t because he’s had a drink. He would start very early in the afternoon and would drink alone in the kitchen, not to relax or be sociable. As a pp has stated this amount is way above the weekly limit. So for me it’s too much.