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Original poster

I am a boderline alcoholic... And I need help

155 replies

freezemembership · 12/08/2019 15:20

I will drink at any chance I get.

Regularly will have 2 bottles of wine with husband in one sitting. He buys 1 and I will know he's getting one and buy another.

I won't consider anything less than 13%

I actually found myself at the weekend, when being offered a courtesy drink by someone, considering whether i needed to go out again.

My husband has called me out on it when I said I might go out for wine with a friend in the week. I agreed this weekend that we would only drink at the weekend and limit it to 1 bottle of wine between us.

"So I just sit back and watch you turn into an alcoholic? Because that's what you're doing"

This is the sucker punch. Right there. And asking whether it is right for our DS' future.

I feel fucking awful. Its there. Black and white what my husband thinks ad feels.

What the fuck do I do?

OP posts:
Dapplegrey · 13/08/2019 12:58

Fantastic posts by Shannith.
Op why are you unwilling to give AA a try?
As pps have said, you will find unjudgemental people who have gone through just what you are going through.

Original poster
freezemembership · 13/08/2019 13:21

@Dapplegrey It's not a refusal. It's just not for me at the moment.

OP posts:
MostIneptThatEverStepped · 13/08/2019 13:28

OP I just wanted to say...if you think you might be an alcoholic do not let anyone tell you that in fact you're not because you don't wake up reaching for the next drink or because you haven't lost your job due to a three day binge.

Only you can decide if you are or not. It's not about how much you drink or how far you've fallen, it's about how the addiction makes you feel.

Telling someone they're not an alcoholic because that's some kind of exclusive club could mean that person doesn't get the help they need and might in fact die.

OP you have been brave and honest here and I wish you all the best.

Boots20 · 13/08/2019 13:36

I think there is a fine line between enjoying a drink & being dependant on it, if you feel you are crossing the line then now is definitely the time to stop, read loads and loads of recovery success stories and let them inspire you. Take on some exercise go help you feel tired by the evening. Drink loads of water. Read books, go for walks, maybe keep a diary and write down each day how it feels to wake up fresh & congratulate yourself every day when you dont have a drink :-) good luck

CottonSock · 13/08/2019 15:27

I was also going to recommend a different book. The Claire pooley one might resonate better as a mum. The sober diaries

Original poster
freezemembership · 13/08/2019 16:51

Just looking at Claire Pooley. Thanks. She has a blog and facebook page also.

OP posts:
Cobblersandhogwash · 13/08/2019 17:14

You will feel very weary for a few weeks when you stop. Early nights are a must!!

rosedream · 13/08/2019 17:32

It sounds like two things are going on.

  1. Your self medicating. You say you have anxiety / depression and you feel boring if you don't drink. I take this as you dislike your feelings when sat quietly so drink hides that.
  1. You are addicted to needing the alcohol and that even though you have admitted here you have a problem you haven't admitted it in RL and that is why talking to someone like AA or your GP is not happening at the moment.

Please step out your comfort zone and seek help. Online reading and forums support you when you tackle it in RL. Do it for your child if not for yourself. Good luck OP it's a tough road but you can do it.

Original poster
freezemembership · 14/08/2019 10:36

Dh bought be green tea and mint teabags last night and laughed (supportively) when i put all the wine glasses away and got some new ones. He also bought himself coffee bags and is going dry with me

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 14/08/2019 10:46

That’s a huge help. I didn’t have a drink last night-hurrah! I find it very frustrating that professionals can be very quick to minimise alcohol dependency -I’ve been told several times ‘oh it’s not that much’ when I say I drink half a bottle a night. I know it will increase-I first fought help two years ago and it has crept up to two thirds a night. I know I need to stop and am lucky I’m surrounded by friends and family who will help.

Haggisfish · 14/08/2019 10:46

Sought help, not fought!Grin

Cobblersandhogwash · 14/08/2019 12:41

@freezemembership it's great that your Dh is going dry with you.

Great stuff. I hope you find a new normal which isn't alcohol every day. Or even every other day.

Original poster
freezemembership · 14/08/2019 16:16

On the phone to my employer provided counselling to seek out assistance to unpick all of this.

The call handler is an ex alcohol nurse. And he is praising me for all the steps I am taking so far....

Day 3 Sober.. Ive got you.

OP posts:
CIareIsland · 14/08/2019 16:34

Well done all of you. From my memory of Al Anon - their definition of an “alcoholic” is not, what you drink, how much, when or how often - it is the impact it has on those around you. It is also a progressive disease so cutting back is just likely to scale up again either slowly over time or be triggered by an event or mood (celebrate or commiserate) - it’s an addictive substance (to some) and of course exposure to it will not help.

Your DH sounds great. You have done well. Your DS will be delighted to have his Mum back - as the preoccupation, obsessing and being hung over are emotional states where you cannot be giving to him.

Haggisfish · 14/08/2019 17:41

Well done freeze.

Shannith · 14/08/2019 18:29

Well done both of you.

One day at a time.

Miljah · 14/08/2019 18:53

I have read the whole thread and was expecting every other post to tell the OP to 'see her GP'- but it wasn't.

I really, really wouldn't recommend your GP as your first port of call if you have reached the OP's state- recognition that 'there might be a problem'.

You do not want the word 'alcohol' anywhere on your notes if you can avoid it, especially if you are a HCP or teacher, say.

I am a HCP and have first hand witnessed staff sifting through referrals to prioritise who will get that vacant appointment spot, who casually chuck the '? alcoholic liver disease' requests to the back because 'it's self-inflicted, innit?'...

In fact, I believe that there is a private doctors group that assists alcoholic doctors in seeking help in a way that doesn't identify them, as alcohol over-use is rife among health care workers. But the stigmatisation of alcohol over-use is also rife.

Haggisfish · 14/08/2019 18:56

I’m not afraid to admit to having a problem. I think the more people were honest about it, the less stigmatisation there would be. I’d rather be seen to be actively trying to help myself than not.

Miljah · 14/08/2019 20:08

Haggis I admire your stance.

But be aware that if you're lying in a hospital bed, awaiting a scan, in fear, possibly pain; you might not be so sanguine in knowing you're being passed over for 'more worthy' people (based on the 2 lines some F1 has written about you) getting that scan appointment that's just opened up.

I think it's great that alcohol addiction might some day be 'de-stigmatised', but you, right now, admitting to alcohol dependence, might see you waiting longer for that test. You won't be seen as 'actively trying to help yourself', you are likely to be seen as a sad old lush with no self-control.

Judgement may well be passed. Sure, on another thread, you might see Band 7 ward managers, superintendents weigh in, 'horrified' at the concept that their staff would do that, shock horror!- because here, on this spread-sheet I can demonstrate to you that they're all up to date on their Anti-Discrimination Training. Which means they sat through a 45 minute, earnest lecture, and got a certificate.

Which is why I counsel against 'the GP' unless you really have no other recourse.

Haggisfish · 14/08/2019 21:01

Thanks-I do know what you’re saying. I’ve already been to gp though! As far as they are concerned, they (not me!) downplayed it and I have reduced my alcohol to gov guidelines with a local addiction service, and that is what is recorded on my medical history.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 15/08/2019 10:43

Miljah As you say you are an HCP who has seen medical staff wrongly leaving patients in pain and not following the code on prioritising patients etc, I would like to think you have taken it upon yourself to raise this as a concern/whistle blow.

To come onto a thread and counsel people not to seek medical care as they will be stigmatised and you have "first hand witnessed" lack of care, shows how you are part of the problem.

It's not being "realistic" or "honest"' (as you will no doubt defend your actions) it's at best demonstrating a shocking lack of professionalism and fitness to practice, and at worst actively endangering someone's health.

You cannot assess or diagnose over the Internet. Advising someone who has stated they have a problem, who may well have a physical dependence, not to seek medical advice as they will be judged, is horrifically irresponsible.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 15/08/2019 10:56

Sorry freezemembership I don't want to derail your thread, but I think it's so important that attitudes like that are challenged, as they really dissuade people from seeking help.

You are doing amazingly well. You have been very brave to open up and seek help, hopefully people reading your updates and in similar boats will be encouraged by you. I'm so glad you are receiving assistance.

How are you feeling now?

I always find that it's the mornings that make it "easier", that feeling of achievement when you awake not feeling ill, with no guilt or worries about the night before, is the best feeling and makes the evenings easier to bear. And one day at a time of trying to get the same feeling the following morning, all adds up. You never regret not drinking.

Also with the evenings getting darker, (I find at least) it's much easier as you can go to bed early with a cup of tea or hot chocolate and it's cosy - there's not the same desire to sit outside in the sun with a cold glass or eight like there is in Summer.

And the money you were spending on wine/gin will buy some really nice hot chocolate Smile

Shannith · 15/08/2019 11:32

@Miljah as PP poster I hope you reported this.

If you didn't you are colluding in gross misconduct.

@Haggisfish the complete opposite has been true for me. I have had exceptional care from all HCP - knowing I have ALD has helped them to mange medication properly.

Thank god @Miljah seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

hellenbackagen · 15/08/2019 23:35

Is it just a case of going "dry" if you or someone else thinks there's an issue?

My dp thinks I have an issue so I need
To address it

I'm not alcoholic.. do I just stop ? (Not alcohol dependent or anything that is dangerous)

Haggisfish · 16/08/2019 09:01

Well, yes, I guess so! It’s the ‘just stopping’ part that is difficult for many of us though!