I am a boderline alcoholic... And I need help

[freezemembership]

I will drink at any chance I get.

Regularly will have 2 bottles of wine with husband in one sitting. He buys 1 and I will know he's getting one and buy another.

I won't consider anything less than 13%

I actually found myself at the weekend, when being offered a courtesy drink by someone, considering whether i needed to go out again.

My husband has called me out on it when I said I might go out for wine with a friend in the week. I agreed this weekend that we would only drink at the weekend and limit it to 1 bottle of wine between us.

"So I just sit back and watch you turn into an alcoholic? Because that's what you're doing"

This is the sucker punch. Right there. And asking whether it is right for our DS' future.

I feel fucking awful. Its there. Black and white what my husband thinks ad feels.

What the fuck do I do?

but an alcohol group scares the shit out of me.

You don't need to be involved in one then! Nor do you need to 'get to a GP'. There's no one solution for any problem. There is loads of support that is online and anonymous, including here, if you want. It sounds like your DP is a problem, he drinks with you then judges you for drinking. I'd find that hypocritical. Again, I was never a heavy drinker but stopping altogether was forced on me by other factors (gallbladder disease from overweight and age) and tbh I'm not bothered by lack of booze at all but I think a hobby might be something for you to try, too. I got into yoga years ago but took it up again after my gallbladder surgery as I had to have a big incision to remove it and needed to ease back into exercise. So instead of sitting in front of the telly, for example, you do yoga.

I used to smoke and when I decided to quit I took up knitting for something to do and occupy my hands. Worked a treat! Try it or crochet or cross-stitch to occupy your mind and not be alcohol.

Op in case you are still reading this thread please get help, your initial post could have been written by my DM when she was your age and her drinking is getting worse steadily. It's now 1 or 2 bottles each a night, every night. It has impacted on my relationship with her and on my own mental health more than she will ever know.

I dread the slurred phone calls at night and the same stories repeated the next day, I dread meals out where the same happens and the falling about.

The sneaking alcohol into the house so my DF doesn't know how much she's been drinking. The sneaking to top up in the kitchen. The taking bottles of from my house when she's around (like you drink doesn't stay around in their house but it does in mine because I drink infrequently so you notice bottles of gin depleting at a rate of knots or all the wine going).

Please try and get help to address it now and don't let it impact on your relationship with your husband and son any more than it has already

Hi OP

I am an alcoholic. Sober now but I went through hell to get where I am now.

My drinking was exactly like yours. Exactly. You are thinking and drinking like an alcoholic.

10 years down the line I was drinking myself to death and very nearly succeeded.

Ignore everyone saying, it's fine have fun. They are totally irresponsible.

You think you have a problem and I think you do too.

It starts with pouring more, making sure there is a back up bottle, hiding it to insidiously being very day, earlier and earlier because you can't stop.

Please call AA and go to a meeting. I wish to god I had when I was where you are.

Please pm me if you want. Most people can drink normally and that's fine. Alcoholics have a disease and drink like you and it's not fine.

It's a disease. Look up the world health organisation definition of it as such.

It's the only disease that tells you you haven't got it and it, like all diseases, if left untreated will kill you.

I'm not be overly dramatic. If you saw/met me you would never guess how close to death I came.

It's brilliant that you know you need help. I tried everything (or at least sort of tried to get people off my back). The only thing that worked was AA.

It's such a relief to be in a room with other people who behave/have behaved exactly like you. There is nothing you could say that other people won't go, yep, me too.

On Facebook there's the closed group Club Soda. Or Alcohol Explained.

I went to al Anon the other day. For relatives. I hate all that guff normally but I loved it. Was so lifted after.

You've acknowledged that you don't want to go to a group but you haven't acknowledged the book suggestions. I hope you do read them. They saved my life and I don't miss alcohol.

Just to reiterate: you do not have a DH problem. You have an alcohol problem.

Your DH can see it.

Talk to him. Get his support.

Or, get better at hiding it. Drink in secret. Get better at lying. Practice getting defensive. Try to cut down. Hide it so it's just you and the booze.

Destroy your relationship with him and your DS.

And just so you know, not matter how good you think you are at hiding it... everyone will know.

I would say though that some of the book suggestions have conflicting advice. eg. one in particular denies the existence of alcoholism as a disease which I found completely bizarre.

You are dri'nking well above the recommended limit and you are worried enough to post on here. It does sound as if you need to reset your relationship with alcohol and how you want to go forward with it.

Things that could help are reading some great books and blogs - the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober plus the blog "a hangover free life". Maybe think about doing a dry month - August is not the best as everyone is on hols but I'm guessing there'll be some post holiday dry month threads on here soon - including the "penguins thread" in 90 days only. See how you get on - see what works for you. Its not easy changing drinking patterns but you have taken the first step and you will feel better for it.

Sorry - mentioned the 90 days only thread if you want something that disappears from here, rather than chat which doesn't anymore.

To all those saying the OP is not an alcoholic, please stop. She’s asking for help.

See your GP first. I wish you luck and love, and I think you’re incredibly brave, it’s bloody hard to admit you might have a problem.

Hi OP
Do you have any booze free days? If so how hard are they for you?

chalkmark that’s so irresponsible and untrue.

Don't feel ashamed OP, many of us are or have been the same.

Get your DH on board, make the house a no alcohol zone or at least cut back. And just give it a decent go. You said you stopped for a month before - there you, you know you're able. They say it takes 3 weeks to change a habit, stop now and by September you'll be there. The thoughts of stopping or cutting back are sometimes harder than the actual doing.
I was a weekend binger; 2 bottles every Fri & Sat and 1 most Sundays. Like you, DH shamed me into stopping and thinking about the amount I was consuming. I lied about the amounts, would panic if I didn't have enough wine in, made excuses to drink, convinced myself everyone was the same etc. he could never have embarrassed me enough to stop though, my motivation came from being worried I wouldn't be able to conceive a baby as I could tell it was already affecting my memory and concentration.

I cut back to just Saturday nights at first, then reducing the amount to just 1 bottle again and then stopped completely when we got pregnant. It was tough to cut back but keeping busy helped. I would clean the whole house every Friday evening to keep my mind off wine, treat myself to some junk food and discovered a love for Coke Zero. Then would hit the gym Saturday morning and try make plans for Sunday evenings (cinema, visit DP's, or hit the gym) to keep myself busy. I make it sound so easy, don't get me wrong, there were so many times that I almost caved but after a few weeks it just became the new me. I noticed I was saving a new few quid money wise, looked and felt better and I got a great feeling of satisfaction from showing DH that I could do it.

Don't overthink it too much until you've given quitting a good, solid try. You could be suffering from a bit of "beer fear" as they call it and writing yourself off as an alcoholic unnecessarily. The beer fear could also be making you want it more as I know I used to feel crap after drinking and the only way to perk myself was even more wine the next day.

This could just be a case of a habit that's gotten a little out of hand for a while and is totally fixable

Good luck hun!

Guilting and shaming the OP isn't helpful. And really, 'get to the GP', do you really want that in the system or on record somewhere? I agree with never, good plan there.

Hero, you have no idea what you are talking about.

An alcoholic is not someone who drinks a bit a few times a week. It's what you do with your entire life. It cost me dear. Op could get there, she hasn't yet. It's irresponsible and insulting to suggest it's more than a bit of stress drinking, though clearly bothering her, so a break is in order

Those of us who threw life away into a bottle and suffered life threatening dts might be a tad upset at this level of non dependent drinking being labelled a dangerous dependency

Stop making problems where there aren't ones. Why do people want a problem!

Ex friends of mine declared themselves alcoholics, that they hadn't had a drink for three days, though and felt much better.

Oh how I laughed. Day three for an alcoholic doesn't look like feeling better. It looks like a scene from the exorcist and is immensely dangerous.

Disordered drinking has a way to go before it becomes clinical alcoholism. Are your lives all so boring you actually want to pretend drinking a not huge amount, not every day is alcoholism. Stop coopting other people's hard earned life destroying problems.

chalkmark
I don’t want to argue with you, I can see that you’ve got massive history with it, and of course I would defer to that. Dependency has many faces, don’t denigrate others asking for help by minimising their experience.
You know full well that what people admit to and what they actually do can look very different.

Still here. Still reading.

Looking up the book suggestions. All quite dear to buy so trying to find cheaper/free versions or alternates.

12 cans of Pepsi in the fridge.

And 3 halo top ice creams to treat myself.

My husband and son are my world and without them, I'm nothing.

I didnt have one drop of alcohol for 8 months when pregnant (I found out at 4 weeks) and just occassional wine after.

I think it's in part because i get home and am bored.

Signed up to the local gym which does classes as well as gym access

Alcoholics don't get hangovers. They are sick when they don't drink.

I ate alone. Hand shaking food flying is ugly to watch.

Alcoholism is not a club to join! When a person's body can't survive without the alcohol, and not drinking involves dts, then it's alcoholism. Drinking too much now and again is not the same thing.

Good for you, freeze.

Ill tell you how much I cry missing my family if you need encouragement.
Looking at old photos, running memories through my head.

I think you have to accept this is not something you can do in moderation like other people, and drinking alcohol just can’t be part of your life.

I speak as someone who stopped before it became an addiction as there’s lots of alcoholics in my family and I recognised that this is not something I can do sensibly.

Definitely get a hobby you can do at home, too, like cross stitch or knitting or crochet or stained glass or whatever to occupy your hands and mind.

Good on ya OP.

Gym is a great idea. The post gym feeling of satisfaction coupled with less or no drink at all will feel amazing!