I am a boderline alcoholic... And I need help

[freezemembership]

I will drink at any chance I get.

Regularly will have 2 bottles of wine with husband in one sitting. He buys 1 and I will know he's getting one and buy another.

I won't consider anything less than 13%

I actually found myself at the weekend, when being offered a courtesy drink by someone, considering whether i needed to go out again.

My husband has called me out on it when I said I might go out for wine with a friend in the week. I agreed this weekend that we would only drink at the weekend and limit it to 1 bottle of wine between us.

"So I just sit back and watch you turn into an alcoholic? Because that's what you're doing"

This is the sucker punch. Right there. And asking whether it is right for our DS' future.

I feel fucking awful. Its there. Black and white what my husband thinks ad feels.

What the fuck do I do?

I'm sorry I've caused offence or upset on this thread.

What I am doing is NOT fine, or OK in any way.

I've seen a beautiful photo of my husband and son today enjoying a day out and yknow what... I could lose that.

Also agree with pp
Maybe dp would stop drinking
But he isn't is he
He's drinking with you
He can say no and he's choosing not to
And then judging you.
Sounds like he needs to take some responsibility for himself too.
And if he's that worried about you, saying no to the drinks should be the first thing he does?

You've not caused offence and upset. I think the vast majority of posters think you're very brave facing up to this.

Some replies here show exactly how habits like this become harmful "oh we all drink, oh lots of people drink more than that, you should relax with your friends, you don't drink all that much, don't let people control you, wine o'clock, it's only a bit of fun, we all need to unwind, mummies need their gin" etc etc.

When the want (justified by all the above and accepted, even encouraged by society) becomes a need, it's a problem.

Recognising it's a problem and saying it out loud, is really brave and to be applauded and acknowledged not minimised.

Ive just totted up 43 units between Thurs and Sunday eve.

People don't always realise what actually makes an alcoholic - it isn't just a constantly drunk person unable to function.

It is a very easy and slippery slope to get on and everyone should be mindful of their drinking habits.
If it were me, first of all I would give myself a weeks drinking ban, if you mange that then go for two. Once you've done a month maybe see if you can have a glass of wine or two without finishing the bottle.

If you are unable to last a week then you have a problem and should see a GP.

I don't drink around my dh. It's the first thing I did - didn't want to give him an excuse to drink.

Makes fuck all difference. Someone with a bad relationship with alcohol will find an excuse. Maybe it will be "oh x is drinking so I have to keep them company" or "x drinks so why shouldn't I? He/she is such a hypocrite/controlling". But trust me, when that excuse is taken away there'll be another one.

"X made me sad". "I had a bad day". "I have so few vices - I deserve it". "Lots of people drink more than me". "I'll stop tomorrow". "Everyone's on my back - it's their fault I drink". "It's wine o'clock". "Life's not fun without a drink".

I don't want this thread to turn into a bunfight so I'll just let it fizzle out.

I appreciate, in some ways, what people are saying about it being OK. But for me it's not.

@sleepyhead I am sure if I said to DH i wanted a drink free week/month etc he would do it with me. He has in the past when we've stopped for a month before going on holiday.

There is an alcohol support section OP, you should go over there and have a look.

my oh has made me feel that i have a problem. i drink daily. it can be a couple of single g&t or a bottle of wine

I'm sorry @hellenbackagen but from your post I'd agree with your husband. It does sound like a problem.

I probably drink the same as you. Dp and I regularly have a bottle of wine each on an evening starting while we cook dinner and then on into the evening if we're sat outside or watching a film.

What worries me is your need for it. You are being calculating and trying to sneak alcohol which is never good.

I need to cut down due to my health but I don't believe I have an addiction as I can quite happily go without. But in your case it's taking up way too much head space and making you behave in ways you don't like. So I think you need to address it.

You need help ASAP.
Please see your GP.

All the very best

I'm a recovering alcoholic with 25 years of sobriety and an HCP. You may well have alcohol use disorder. Have a read here and see how it fits:

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alcohol-use-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20369243

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It gets worse over time, so you are right to be concerned at this stage. While you can try to stop on your own people are more successful with peer and or medical support.

For what it's worth, to me, you're quite correct to be concerned with how things are now.

You mentioned shame.

Brené Brown is a researcher who has written a lot about shame and vulnerability and courage. I don't have any direct experience of numbing with alcohol, but I do 'self medicate' with food/over eating.

I found I understood better how these different methods of numbing come from similar places and why shaming alcoholics is unhelpful after reading/listening to her books.

I think her main book about shame is "I thought it was just me" but all of her work is interesting.

I think speaking to your GP and/or the support group would be a good idea. The fact you are willing to consider that you might have a problem is a good sign but it does seem like your life is revolving around alcohol at the moment and you might need some support to avoid sliding into it taking you over.

Honestly OP, it's the perfect time for you to stop drinking. I was much the same as you. Everyone thought I was mad as I wasn't an alcoholic so why quit? My thoughts were why wait until I become an alcoholic as that was the path I was on.

There is a lot of support OP but you will have to deal with a lot of other people's negativity. It makes people feel as if you are somehow telling them they have a problem, by not wanting to drink, or wanting to stop even if you drink less than them.

It's been the best two years of my life since I stopped drinking. I don't think you need to justify your reasons. If you feel it's time to stop, it's time to stop. Regardless of other people saying not to stop because you aren't a 'proper' alcoholic yet. Just my personal experience of course. Good luck OP.

I mean this in the kindest gentlest way...you are not an alcoholic...YET.

You do appear to have the potential to get there, which means you should take a break, and look at why you are becoming more focused on catching a buzz.

I find that people throw around the term alcoholic like it's meaningless.

When you don't have a drink, and are dry heaving, hands shaking, carpet crawling, hallucinating, and in danger of seizures. When you don't give a fuck about losing your husband or son or what anyone thinks of you regarding your drinking. When 40 percent is your bottom line and you go through a gallon in under two days, and you wake up needing a drink to get well...then congrats. You are an alcoholic.

When you wake up in a prison cell and don't know why you are there or what you have done. or in a strange bed with a strange man. When blackouts merge into one long dangerous murky dread of years of wasted life.

Until then you have a chance at life

So ease up, and don't want a problem! Trust me. Booze is not a problem to want.

@Bluntness100 the OP has acknowledged she has a problem with alcohol and you’re saying it’s because her husband is controlling?? If you have your own other issues to address that cloud your way of thinking fine but dont try to minimise OPs problem that she’s had the courage to admit to because of your own agenda, it’s sick and twisted.

@Chalkmarkintherain Thank you for your post. It shows me that whilst I could slip, that I am no where near where I could be. I suppose "dependant" may suit it better?

And hey... 12 cans of pepsi is only £4! So not only will it still give me something refreshing to drink, it will also be good for my tendancy to booze and good on the pockets too!

How old is your son? I would be worried what would happen in an emergency if both of us were intoxicated for eg to drive to the hospital or something urgent

Bluntness100.You're not an alkie op, and sounds like your husband is controlling.

Which planet are you on? The OP clearly recognises that she has an alcohol problem and that her husband is trying to help her and you accuse him of being controlling! I imagine you would say the same if she wanted to harm herself in some other way.

I hear you.

There's so many great books that can help.

Annie grace "this naked mind" will help to reprogramme your brain about alcohol and the addictive nature of it.

There's many others too. Podcasts. Follow some alcohol free accounts on Instagram.

Get some support from friends in real life.

You can do it and your life will be so much better, I promise.

I stopped drinking 18 months ago and it is the best thing I have ever done.

Labels are detrimental. I accept being called a dry alcoholic. I prefer drunk. Being a drunk is less clinical.

Dependency I think clinically is when they have to shoot you full of benzos because you are clinically physically dependent. Right now you are a bit of a lush and could do with thinking less about booze and more about your lovely family and better things to do than extra beer. Let's face it, beer is crap. Wine only gets you so far.

But let's not let you get there, eh.

Alcoholism isn’t about quantity. It’s about the importance of that drink.

Well I do think OPs husband is applying double standards actually, but that’s doesn’t mean she shouldn’t “ own” her own drinking. But let’s not have a go at each other eh? OP came on here asking for help and we don’t want to frighten her off!

Reprogram your brain! If addiction was that easy rehabs would go out of business!

You are going to think yourself into a real problem!

AA if you can't just take a break, maybe some counselling to try and work out why you want to drink. I hate AA, I'd rather not take my problems out and play with them. Focusing on wanting a drink doesn't help me.
But it might help you to unpack your reasons for your spiralling drinking.