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Original poster

I am a boderline alcoholic... And I need help

155 replies

freezemembership · 12/08/2019 15:20

I will drink at any chance I get.

Regularly will have 2 bottles of wine with husband in one sitting. He buys 1 and I will know he's getting one and buy another.

I won't consider anything less than 13%

I actually found myself at the weekend, when being offered a courtesy drink by someone, considering whether i needed to go out again.

My husband has called me out on it when I said I might go out for wine with a friend in the week. I agreed this weekend that we would only drink at the weekend and limit it to 1 bottle of wine between us.

"So I just sit back and watch you turn into an alcoholic? Because that's what you're doing"

This is the sucker punch. Right there. And asking whether it is right for our DS' future.

I feel fucking awful. Its there. Black and white what my husband thinks ad feels.

What the fuck do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
freezemembership · 12/08/2019 15:43

I am fed up of always lunging from one thing to another. I have an obessive personality if you like. It's all or nothing.

I've had all sorts of counselling ad CBT for my depression and anxiety. Then specialist help for medical conditions...

I feel like I am always looking for/lunging to a problem

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/08/2019 15:43

How old are you, op? How long have you been drinking like this?

TeeBee · 12/08/2019 15:43

It sounds to me as though your husband is trying to save you from sliding down a very slippery slope!

Original poster
freezemembership · 12/08/2019 15:44

@Bluntness100 No, he really isnt. Not at all. he knows I would drink til it was dry if i had the chance.

Perhaps alcholic is not the term. But I know he is looking out for me. And I know deep down, that this is a problem.

I leave work looking forward to when DS is in bed for wine.

OP posts:
sleepyhead · 12/08/2019 15:44

Of course it's bought to be drunk! That's the problem. People without an alcohol problem can have a bottle kicking around for weeks. They have wine racks.

People with an alcohol problem drink until it's gone, but there's usually a plan to make sure they don't run out - e.g. the extra bottle even though you've agreed to just drink one and know it's your dh buying it.

When you buy a bottle, you know you're going to drink it. You know you're not going to save it for another time if you don't fancy it - it WILL get drunk.

So, when you're in the supermarket or wherever and looking at the bottles of wine, that's when you've got to change your habits and not buy it - the minute it's through the register you KNOW you're going to drink it.

Original poster
freezemembership · 12/08/2019 15:46

This is a big step for me to even admit it may be a problem.

I appreciate everyone's suggestions.

I am so ashamed.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/08/2019 15:47

Op. Honestly booze on here is a hot topic. You manage to control youtself just fine round booze. Plenty of people only buy it when they want to drink it.

Yes you're drinking too much, as is he, but no more than this.

You're not an alcoholic and your gp isn't going to refer you anywhere,

Go out with your friend, have fun.

Original poster
freezemembership · 12/08/2019 15:48

@Aquamarine1029 I'm 32. I'd say my drinking has gotten to this stage in the last year or two.

@TeeBee I'd like to think so. My thoughts and plans seem to revolve around booze.

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 12/08/2019 15:48

I no longer drink. I used to drink a bottle of wine most evenings. The game changer for me was books, Alcohol Explained by William Porter and Jason Vale Kick the drink easily totally changed my life. I don't miss alcohol now. I would recommend starting with these and you don't have to quit drinking ahead of reading them.

CottonSock · 12/08/2019 15:49

I really recommend you some books, the unexpected joy of being sober and Allen Carr who writes one *easy way) for women. Pop over to the support boards on here too.

Original poster
freezemembership · 12/08/2019 15:49

I have nights I have no idea how I got to bed. I recall drinking on the sofa watching tv and then wake up in bed in the morning. This happens 2 or so times a week. Sometimes more.

OP posts:
MrsGrindah · 12/08/2019 15:49

I can’t get over the fact that you feel ashamed but yet it seems ok for your husband to drink the same? You say he will happily go without..but he’s not doing that is he? He’s joining in merrily but then criticising you for it?

sleepyhead · 12/08/2019 15:50

Don't be ashamed! It's insanely common - but it does need you to change and that will be hard.

You probably know already where the pinch points are when you make the decision that leads to drinking more than you should. You're already mangaging it to some extent - you're not buying a bottle of vodka yet, you're not buying 2 bottles of wine.

Can you start with the extra bottle at the weekend and not buy it? Or in your heart of hearts do you know that you'll buy it anyway and actually you need to stop completely for a while?

timshelthechoice · 12/08/2019 15:50

Honestly I wouldn't go to a GP with this as it might wind up in your notes somewhere. But personally I'd just stop drinking altogether. I rarely drink now, maybe a few times a year whilst out, and life is so much better now! I kind of had to quit, though, as I was overweight and got gallstones and they caused significant acid reflux, then I just carried on not drinking after stopping whilst waiting for gallbladder scan and then for the surgery to have it removed (I also lost the spare stone I was carrying). I wasn't a heavy drinker before that, but just left off. Give it a try!

CottonSock · 12/08/2019 15:50

Also join club soda on facebook. They have separate groups for moderating and quitting.

howdyalikemenow · 12/08/2019 15:51

I was where you are a year ago. Went to alcohol support group recommended by gp as a result of my diagnosis (uepd) and ongoing mh issues with abusive ex.

Did a lot of soul searching. Wasn't physically addicted and in spite of the high volume of alcohol I was consuming, I was 'only' psychologically addicted.

I have been able to reduce down to less than 14 units pw on average and have the ability to leave it alone if it's in the house/not finish a bottle if I have a glass etc.

Apparently I'm in the minority but it wasn't easy. But as a single mum of three I knew I had to do it. Has taken 12 months of work/therapy to understand WHY I was drinking (self medication/blocking difficult feelings out etc) and I don't feel the need to drink like I did when I was at my worst.

It is vital to understand the why but everyone is different and what works for me may not work for someone else

Original poster
freezemembership · 12/08/2019 15:51

@Northernsoullover and @CottonSock

Thank you for your suggestions.

I am embarrassed to admit, my father's sister who is a few year older than me had a drink problem. Been in rehab a few times and I used to think "what a silly stupid girl. Who gets addicted to booze?!" And I suppose judge her.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/08/2019 15:52

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. Do you think you might be self-medicating with alcohol? Might you have anxiety issues you aren't acknowledging because you're numbing the anxiety with alcohol?

Starlive23 · 12/08/2019 15:53

I stopped drinking 2 years ago and found a site called Hello Sunday Morning really helpful. Lots of advice and support and some personal stories.

HappyintheHills · 12/08/2019 15:56

A good first step would be to download one of the alcohol tracker apps and set it up for your favoured drinks and then be brutally honest with yourself.

Original poster
freezemembership · 12/08/2019 15:56

Or in your heart of hearts do you know that you'll buy it anyway and actually you need to stop completely for a while? I would like to stop I think. No temptation. But life feels boring without it, Even if I am only sat watching tv when I'm drinking.

I'm not scared of the groups to do with depression that I went to... but an alcohol group scares the shit out of me.

OP posts:
hellenbackagen · 12/08/2019 15:57

my oh has made me feel that i have a problem. i drink daily. it can be a couple of single g&t or a bottle of wine.

im realising that i drink more when he isnt around because he is so anti when he is around i cant just have a couple to relax after a stressful day or whatever. so i make the most of it when he isnt here. left alone i would have probably 3 glasses of wine at most or 3 single g&ts but he is massiively controlling and says me drinking makes him unhappy so i shouldnt do it. there is no way im drunk after 2 x 25ml gins.
he has been so scathing of my drinking ive researched alcoholism and while i probably depend on a drink to unwind more than i should i am definitely not an alcoholic. his disapproval causes me to hide it when i actually have no problem in reality. i can go without but i prefer not to if given the choice and i enjoy a few drinks. i dont do anything else - i dont eat chocolate or ice cream, i dont smoke. its becoming a massive sticking point in our relationship.

Original poster
freezemembership · 12/08/2019 15:59

@hellenbackagen I can relate to some of your post and that saddens me. Secret drinking etc.

His message really hit me right in the gut. I could see the idea of him having had enough and taking action.

I have always been the one to be the issue in our relationship. illnesses. depression. anger. and now this

OP posts:
Yeahsurewhatever · 12/08/2019 16:01

To the people asking how much op drinks

It's not about the volume
It's about the fact that she's not on control, she is blacking out, she is sneaking and lying and she is asking for help.

Op I hope you can get the help you need.
I think alcohol and a glass/bottle of wine to wind down is so ingrained in our culture.
You need a different way of relaxing.
It does sound like more CBT, specifically related to this may be useful.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 12/08/2019 16:02

Fuck me.

OP "I feel like I have a problem with alcohol" I know I need to face up to this"

Some MNers "ah, you're fine, you don't have a problem, keep drinking, go and have fun"

What the fuck are people thinking?! It's so irresponsible and really really stupid. And I'm looking at you here particularly bluntness. I know you like being contrary but your advice is harmful here, have a bit of responsibility FFS.

OP, I would see your GP and hopefully get a referral to local services who will be better placed to assess and advise you. I think you've been very brave and I hope it pays off for you.