How often has your significant other shouted at you?

[GymKitJen]

Like raised their voice in an argument?

I don't think my DP has ever done anything to anger me, and vice versa. There are minor irritations from time to time obviously (mostly to do with housework) but when these things come up we just say it and move on. It's never worth having a row about. We're both quite laid back people though.
You sound like me and DH. There's ways to disagree without arguing and shouting.

I don't think I could be bothered arguing. It's a lot of emotional energy to channel in a way that doesn't bring about a resolution to me.

I find the idea that not arguing or shouting makes people passive really unusual. To me arguing and shouting seems awfully dramatic and I would want out of the relationship as I can't stand rollercoaster relationships or friendships. It doesn't suit my way of communicating

The perfect marriage smugness on this thread is unreal.

Never. I'm a bit of a rat bag but he's very patient. I annoy him obviously but he doesn't shout.

Schwibble
There's no perfect marriage smugness at all.

I would imagine every single person who has said they don't argue or shout could list things that annoy them in their marriage or traits their DH has that irritate them at times (me included and DH would say the same).

We just don't communicate by arguing and shouting. We both find it an unproductive waste of time and energy, and we think shouting at each other would be disrespectful.

you can hardly be surprised at the response.

Oh, I'm not surprised at the response. Most people get pissed off if you disagree with them and start to show anger, whether that's telling a stranger on the internet they are talking bollocks or raising their voice when arguing the point with your OH. Hell is other people.

It's not smug. It's grown up and being able to have an intelligent discussion or disagreement without losing control.

From what I read on here, there seems a huge polarity in terms of posters husbands. They are either horrible abusive arseholes or real wet lettuce types who wouldn't say boo to a goose.

I don't consider an occasional argument, abusive, AT ALL.

If that's aimed at me, you've taken my comment out of context. I never said an occasional argument was abusive. I said that my mother was abusive and she shouted a lot, often about minor things. It has naturally made me dislike shouting, so I don't do it and I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who does.

My DP and I are very similar to what riotlady describes. The extent of our disagreements is generally:
"You haven't taken the bin out"
"Sorry, will do it now"

We simply don't have reasons to get into major arguments. I'm kind of curious to know the reasons behind the rows between the regular arguers (is that even a word?). Might simply be that something that would wind up one personality type just doesn't bother another.

We've shouted at eachother a small handful of times in 10 years

Once in 4 years, when I was being an idiot after too much wine

Occasionally, but many fewer times than I have shouted at him. I’m not particularly volatile by any means, but I prefer to get issues and disagreements into the open and discuss them properly, rather than allowing them to simmer into resentment. DP doesn’t find this approach comes naturally, and his refusal to engage and discuss can sometimes be infuriating, hence me occasionally becoming exasperated.

I find the idea that not arguing or shouting makes people passive really unusual. To me arguing and shouting seems awfully dramatic and I would want out of the relationship as I can't stand rollercoaster relationships or friendships. It doesn't suit my way of communicating.

Totally agree with this LolaSmiles

Most people get pissed off if you disagree with them.

Really? I assume most people understand that everyone is different and not everyone will have the same opinions. I have no issue with someone disagreeing with me as long as they're being respectful and not insulting me.

real wet lettuce types who wouldn't say boo to a goose

So anyone who behaves like a mature adult is a wet lettuce? Jesus Christ. You are again assuming that these people are bottling up all sorts of resentment, while failing to comprehend that maybe they're content and don't feel the need to get into rows with their OH. I don't see the point in provoking a row for the sake of it

Clearly some people like drama, and some are more chilled out. C'est la vie.

Probably five or six times in 12 years. He's very slow to anger and very reluctant to argue at all. I'm more hot headed but I don't think we've truly argued more than a handful of times and neither of us is the grudge-holding type.

Part of it is how we were raised; my whole family are more fiery and if they're upset will say it loud and proud. His family are the kind who'll sit on upsets and never confront anything. Initially it meant that whenever I'd get cross about anything he would panic because he simply didn't know how to engage with that. Over the years we seem to have met in the middle; I'm less fiery and he's more open and communicative. It works for us.

Most people get pissed off if you disagree with them.

Getting pissed of is fine. It’s how you deal with it. I wouldn’t shout at my boss, or my students, even though both piss me off quite a lot. You can disagree without needing to shout.

He's snapped at me a couple of times when stressed but never shouted at me, same as me with him. We are both laid back and try our best not to argue and don't very often at all

Never. We don't shout at each other, or anyone else for that matter.

A couple of times in 20 years and then under provocation (me shouting at him at length first. I’m a shouter 😳 )

Blimey. I don't believe that there are so many marriages where there are no long term frustrations that are not ' sorted with a calm chat'

DH does not do shouting at all. I do shout though I try not to.

Generally we mostly get on ok and resolve most things calmly. However we have a couple of issues that have been ' unresolved' throughout our relationship and I imagine will continue to be. These cause us to get annoyed with each other, probably me more than him because I have a quicker temper. We live with it but sometimes the issues raise their heads and things get heated.

I am not going to go into the things we have to wrestle with but I imagine most comples have them. It might be a difference in socialising style or different attitudes to money or parenting style or political beliefs or problems with in-laws or partners friends or attitudes to having a pet it attitudes to holidays or work etc......

There is always somethng that provides the grit in a long term relationship, the things(s) that cause friction and sowntimes they don't alwwyas get ' resolved' they just simmer under the surface over the years and occasionally explode . I am very suspicious of people.who say their relationships have no friction at all.

Shouting can be done , in frustration, in despair, in confusion, in warning . If it is done in a very aggressive angry way with insults etc. then of course it is not acceptable ,otherwise I don't see how it is any worse than going quiet and withdrawing ( or sulking as I like to call it).

Obviously adult calm discussion is the best way but I am astonished how many on his thread NEVER behave poorly or get frustrated or angry or upset in their relationship. Obvious it shouldn't be a regular occurrence but NEVER?,. There seem to be a lot of saints on here.

Never. I’ve probably shouted at him a few times but he’s never shouted back.

Oh and I include sulking and withdrawing as behaving poorly alongside shouting myself.

A handful of times maybe in the last 17 years, I can’t remember any specifically but I’m sure he must have done. We don’t row often (who can be arsed with that) but he isn’t a shouter so if he gets to the point of extreme annoyance with me I’m more likely to get a low and calm ‘fuck off’ if anything. But even then I’d say less than 10 times I can actually recall.

Me on the other hand. Well let’s just say I deal with stuff differently.

Not that I’ve noticed no - am sure I irritate him sometimes and vice versa

Together 17 years, we have shouted at each other (always briefly) a handful of times. We are very similar - placid, easy-going and kind.

I grew up in a shouty house. DH couldn't believe how horrific my parents were when he first met them. Amongst other abuse, their arguing demolished my childhood. I would rather be alone than with someone who shouted. If

I don't think my DP has ever done anything to anger me, and vice versa seriously? How is that even possible unless one of you is so passive to the point of door mat

I'm kind of curious to know the reasons behind the rows between the regular arguers

Lack of sleep, PMT, stress to get something done in a short timeframe, and Heathrow baggage collection.