What drives you mad about MNers?

[omafiet]

I woke up grumpy today and reading some posts is making me grumpier. Perhaps I'm turning into a curmudgeon. But sometimes I read posts and think "Good grief, woman, you don't help yourself, do you?"

The gems that seem to pop up with alarming regularity: "We live rurally and I don't drive" in a post complaining of a lack of access to, well, anything really.

Or: "We don't have any family close by to babysit so DH and I haven't been out on our own since 2004." Do what we all do then and pay for a babysitter!

Ugh. This heat is making me grouchy. Anything make you want to shake another MNer?

The posters who say... get an Uber, get a train, get a bus and when it's clearly explained to them that some people live rurally and just don't have a transport system, they seem to be unable to grasp the concept that not everyone lives in London or a city and find it baffling

“Go with your gut”

No. Guts are very good at digesting food. Brains are very good at thinking. Trust your brain.

People who think that concern about the erosion of women's rights and experimentation on children's bodies is transphobia.

Ageism.

People who place mark on interesting threads on serious topics with any of full stops, silly slogans or acronyms, or irrelevant pictures of cats.

Like a PP I get irritated with the poem/ film script/ casting actors thing that takes over some threads.
I was following an interesting thread becauss I was having a similar issue, and there was some good advice being posted, then the script writers piled on and I gave up.
And I can't bare the " does your DP/ DM/ DC/ dog/ cat say or do that at work/to other people? Hmm, thought not"

The double standards when men post a problem

The anti MIL thing (Since joining MN I've become eternally grateful that I only have daughters)

The transphobia. I'd like to discuss feminism, but have given up on that branch.

The gems that seem to pop up with alarming regularity: "We live rurally and I don't drive" in a post complaining of a lack of access to, well, anything really

Seeing as it costs the best part of £30 per lesson and then once you've passed it isn't exactly loose change to buy , insure and run a car I can understand why people can't even begin to think about learning.

Misery ploppers/me-raiders. You know the ones that come onto what is usually a lighthearted thread and post which such a tale of woe and cruelty that the rest of the thread is then all about them. And the poor op is made to feel awful for even daring to suggest that their own situation might be difficult for them.

The "I'm in tears a workman used my toilet and its smelly". Get over it! And anything about "checkout person" throwing shopping at you or giving you a funny look, but the OP didn't say anything like "can you slow down please" . I wish more plumbers and checkout ops would answer back but that probably says something about MN.

Generally a sort of recycled moaning of predictable comments about anything. I've noticed it happens in RL too if you get 3 women of a certain age together though. Great to have an out and out moaning thread!

Happens less now but there was a stage where every other debate got shut down by posters playing “misery” top trumps. No one could say anything back to posters with extremely disabled children or terminally ill other halves without being a cock. But having a difficult life doesn’t necessarily make your argument any more correct.

Endless threads on MH and forms of abuse yet some posters think patronising, sarcastic and aggressive comments are all valid as long as you are being rude about the right things ( Boris, Trump, Brexit etc). Like being judgemental and rude only applies to the other side of the debate.

How most MNetters are so bloody moral and law abiding, I simply don’t believe it.
How most MNetters 100% believe their partners would never cheat.
Nastiness towards step mothers.
Very little understanding of SN and the everyday battles that parents face trying to access help. It’s not as simple as just asking for respite.
Double standards, post yesterday where a DH called his DW a nutter, cue replies calling her DH a dickhead.

It drives me mad when someone gets hounded by the grammar police because of course everyone must be English on here. Whereas the reality is that there are many people here that are not English, are not in the UK and didn't learn the language till they were teens. Try conversing in another language yourself without making a mistake, will you.

People who harangue women who are being abused. 500 posts saying ‘leave right now’ followed by aggressive accusations that the OP is damaging her children, and being contemptuous of her not having left yet. Ignoring, or not understanding the effect of abuse which is to take away all the practical and emotional strength to do the very thing they are being urged to do, and ignoring the Women’s Aid advice on how to support abused women.

I worry that threads here, 500 posters getting ever more insistent to LTB , actually cause panic in the poster so rather than face something that has just blown up in their face, with no resources , no RL support, rock bottom self belief, they are panicked into denial. “Oh it can’t be that bad that I have to do something I am not (yet) capable of”.

It is a real worry for me over MN. Alongside the women who over slow weeks or even longer, have been patiently supported to gain the strength, clarity and support to leave.

This post, which appeared within minutes of this thread being posted has a different take, and to my mind demonstrates exactly the problem ;

“Someone detailing an absolute monster of a partner and 500 people post saying how abusive the posters partner is and offering valuable support and practical advice in how to leave etc and then then the poster mentions that their partner ‘works hard’ and is not that bad after all and they’ll just have a bit of a chat with them at the weekend or when they come back off of holiday.”

Ageism.

The ageism on MN is a stark reminder of how easily people generalise, absorb prejudice, use people’s characteristics as a launchpad for casual insults.

Ageism

I agree,it makes me weep reading the casual / not so casual ageism on here.

People who decide weeks or even months before the birth, to ban all visitors for X days or weeks so their 'little family' can bond.

So precious. And mean to close family and friends.
It's easy enough to limit visits/visitors, and ask/tell them they will have to make their own cups of tea, please bring a meal to heat up, not stay too long, etc. And if people do outstay their welcome, just grow a backbone - or get your dp to grow a pair - and say you need P and Q now, it's time to go home.

Question marks after a statement: 'I think I've done something stupid?'

The general MiL hatred, albeit sometimes justified. Some people seem to be actively looking for something to bitch about. Sometimes I can't help wondering whether such people will later turn into MiLs from hell.
Like a pp, I'm glad I only have dds! Though having said that, my own MiL was lovely, ditto my dds' MiLs.

Ageism. The only permitted -ism.

“My little family”

The mean spiritedness.
The “tally chart” mentality.

I love a make up thread. Something like 'do you feel the need to wear make up?' I just love to wait and see how long it takes for someone to come a long and start bashing make up wearers. I also love it when someone says "I don't wear make up, DH says I look better without it anyway' as if DH is bloody Max Factor himself! No1 he's properly lying or No2 you're shit at applying it!

I find the term ‘gaslighting’ overused on MN. It’s almost as though some posters have just learnt the word and want to shoehorn it into every thread

It’s the same with “unilateral”. People’s DHs making unilateral decisions etc. So cringe!

On a similar note it grates that people use SEN and SN interchangeably, when they aren't the same thing.

I got my arse handed to me on a plate a few months back for using 'sn' and was told that no one had used that term for decades and it was grossly offensive. Like saying handicapped or coloured.

Actually, on the ageism thing. My very elderly mother is the most gentle, kind accepting person. She made it very clear to me from a very young age that it was utterly wrong to judge people on their skin colour. But she was raised and lived the majority of her life in a time when she was taught that the polite thing to say was that someone was 'coloured', not black. And now she is elderly and sometimes get confused or chooses the wrong word because it's hard to break the habit of a lifetime. And according to many on Mumsnet this is no better than being a white supremacist, because obviously she's a closet racist and age is no excuse. She's not. She's an elderly lady who sometimes reverts to the language that was used when she was younger, like when she talks about the wireless instead of the radio, or the continental quilt instead of a duvet.

Yes, if you're younger with a sound mind and a good memory then of course you shouldn't be using an outdated term that people find hurtful, but sometimes age is relevant.

Oh so many things!

The wedding gift thread being one right now! If the bloody couple have asked for Money just give them money, it doesn’t matter if you think its tacky or crass, its what the couple want and if you don’t like it then don’t bloody go, don’t be passive and get a picture frame!

Also its seems every husband/partner is a narcissist and is gaslighting their other half and one must LTB

No one can be an asshole just because they can be, everyone is on the spectrum and we must always think what the other person is going through before we jump to conclusions

It's a funny old world on here isn't it? I find it literally has no relevance to real life, it really doesn't. I even find myself changing the tone of my own posts so I don't get jumped on as it is very holier than thou.

I think the posts that get me are the ones that are very beautifully written, poetic almost. They are written by apparently first time posters but they ensure they include all relevant details, with excellent vocabulary and clearly state their emotional state. There is something not right about them and I often feel they might be fake.

It feels very middle class and I agree with PP that it seems to be very much a site for people who earn a lot and just "dip into savings".

I have also learnt a fair bit on here though.

I’d forgotten the horrible expression ‘my little family’ and all the twee smugness about Christmas traditions, I really wonder how some women will cope when their children become adults and they find themselves sidelined in favour of ‘our little family’.

Oh forgot to add the people who wouldn’t dream of spending more than £50 on a bag or a wedding because its a waste and anything extra you have should be donated to charity.

I’d like to know who these people are in life because I have never met anyone like this in real life

Yes to a PP - when did SN become replaced by SEN? They're not the same thing. AIUI the 'E' stands for 'educational', and while someone with SN will likely also have SEN, not everyone with SEN has SN in the wider sense. And yes to the 'he is SN' or 'she is Downs'. Horrible.

I also intensely dislike the use of 'stillborn' as a noun, which seems to have crept in on here, as in 'she' had a stillborn last year'. Feels so dehumanising to those babies.

The double standards towards step families. On here you are expected to love and adore step children as though they are your own but never discipline them ever even when they are behaving appallingly in your house and their parent refuses to do anything.

OP: My DSC come here for half the week to a house that I own with my DP. Last time they came they stole my makeup, spat in my tea and kicked the cat. AIBU to tell them off?

Poster 1: you sound like you don't like them very much. Poor children. I don't expect they'll want to come for much longer.

Poster 2: They are not your children, tell DP to deal with them. If he doesn't there's not much you can do about it