Senior “career” women - what did you do/how did you do it?

[2yearoldbattler]

Looking for experiences of both mothers who are in the thick of it and those whose babies are long grown up.

Am a very senior exec, currently on mat leave from a COO role in a very high growth, high profile business with my second baby. Have fun a number of mediums big (£500m+) businesses in the past as either CEO or divisional MD. Will be back to work in a couple of weeks. Also sit on 2 boards, one a charity non profit, the other a FTSE 100 coy.

My husband is also a career person (professional services) and we are having some discussions at the moment about how we make our lives work. Tbh the period in between me returning from mat leave with no 1 and leaving on mat leave with number 2 was not a success - we felt so stretched and it was primarily our relationship with each other that suffered.

So, what did you do and how did you do it? Both stayed full time and ground through it? One dropped to part time? How much help did you have? Would love to hear what worked and didn’t.

Have NCed so only have one post under this name, but am a longtime MNer - defo not a journalist. I just don’t have that many friends who are operating like I do (that sounds arrogant and wanky, but you know what I mean) to be able to have a wide pool of experiences.

For all the women here who went into consulting. Did you make the move as a freelancer using your own contacts or via an agency? Slight derail but I'd love to do this for a few years but am not entirely sure how or if it will work!

@stuckforthefourthtime - I think this will vary a bit according to your profession and industry. In mine there are some established platforms for getting work. However the best rates are generally achievable if you work direct via contacts as there is nobody else taking a slice.

Do look into the forthcoming IR35 changes which may affect availability of roles and take home money.

What's your job @DramaRamaLlama?

@small2018 I'm General Counsel and sit on board in an MNC

For the women who had Hugh flying careers but couldn’t make the return to work work out (and because their DPs career trajectory just happened to be better it totally made sense for the high flying woman to step away from work) - what could your workplace have done to retain you?

Nothing BlueSkies. 24 years ago, they bent over backwards to keep me. I had p/time and wfh which was unheard of then. To be fair had I gone back full-time, out from 6.45 to 7, we'd have had a live in nanny, ds wouldn't have gone to a day nursery and might not have had bronchiolitis at 5 mths and pneumonis at 6 mths and then might not have wheezed through the next three years

I am very much of the view that babies are the responsibility of the parents, not the employer. I think leave purchase or a 0.9 fraction are good ideas to cover the sick days, drs apts and later school plays etc. Have to question whether its reasonable for parents to be given additional paid time off to sort out childcare/children.

I am very much of the view that babies are the responsibility of the parents, not the employer. I think leave purchase or a 0.9 fraction are good ideas to cover the sick days, drs apts and later school plays etc. Have to question whether its reasonable for parents to be given additional paid time off to sort out childcare/children.
The economics are actually black and white on this. Supporting parents remaining productively employed is good for large organisations and the country. I feel zero general guilt about needing to take time off for sick children (specific guilt about current projects yes) because they benefit far more from having me.

Placemarking for later - great thread OP

@CloudRusting thank you! In my role there are usually lots of contracting opportunities, I have been held back so far by wondering whether my work life balance would definitely improve or whether as an individual contributor there would be more pressure and whether hours would be longer. But seeing other people have experienced an improvement gives me some confidence!

I'm middle management myself, but I've recently completed a 6 month women's leadership programme which had monthly talks from Exec women about their career journey and how they managed work/life balance.

In short, they either had a full time nanny, or in at least two cases their husband became a SAHD or did a bit of flexible freelancing at home to deal with the kids.

So if you both want to work, you need someone at home dealing with the kids so you can start/end work as you please.

NC'ed for this as I might be a bit recognisable. I'm in a senior job but as it's public sector I'm not earning megabucks. The role is quite like DramaRamaLlama's but without the multinational element.

I'm a little bit further on - my DD is nearly nine now. I'm afraid the way we made it work was for DH to become a SAHD, so we don't have the complications of trying to manage two careers. I'm very conscious that this makes me an unhelpful role model in some ways for younger women in my organisation. I'm the first woman to do my job and the first person from a BAME background.

In practical terms, I'm more hands-on than the average man with a SAHW, but with a slightly ruthless edge of deciding how each thing is going to benefit me / DD. I drop off at school twice a week, because I want to recognise DD's friends. I organise playdates and answer party invitations, because if something happens to DH and I'm three hours from home on a visit, I want an assortment of numbers in my phone for people I could trust to look after her till I can get back to London. I have to make the effort to do that, because it's DH who's having most of the interactions at the school gate. Apart from things for DD, I don't do much domestically during the week - basically I put the bins out and unload the dishwasher.

I have two evenings a week, usually Mondays and Wednesdays, when I plan to work as late as I need to, and I crack through a lot of stuff on those two nights. The other days, I make the effort to walk out of the door by 6 pm. The place I work is hot on flexibility, and most of my team work flexibly in one way or another - some part-time, some regular working from home, everyone works ad hoc from home from time to time to sort out domestic stuff. However, I find it's easiest to do my job five days a week in the office, except at quiet times (basically Christmas and August), when I can do a bit from home. I'm also contactable all the time and regularly check email on my work phone. Most of the time I can keep weekends (from Friday evening till Sunday late afternoon) for DH and DD.

I have a voluntary commitment for a couple of hours a week, and normally make time to get to a couple of exercise classes over the weekend (weekdays are hopeless). There was a stage when I got up early and did exercise DVDs before getting DD up for school, but I couldn't sustain that long-term: I need my sleep too much. My social life is a bit patchy but still in existence.

I think it works pretty well, and I can see that we could make it work with both of us working too provided that DH could work out a schedule similar to mine but with different late nights. However, it would need brilliant home support - probably at this stage a nanny/housekeeper who was also willing to take on chivvying DD to do homework and music practice and feeding friends who come round to play, plus a string of babysitters. In the earlier years we would have been looking at nursery and an au pair, or a nanny and some back-up care of some kind. We don't have any family help.

I don't have any advice that other people haven't already given, but I do want to say that there were times in the baby and toddler years when I was struggling with too much work on very broken sleep (in my previous job, which ironically was more junior but also more stressful than my present one), and was really tempted to take a step back. I'm so glad now that I didn't, and that I went for my present job when I did (DD was five when I applied), even though it was aiming very high and I didn't quite know what I was taking on. I expect the teen years will present their own challenges, but at least I'll be settled in a place where I'm comfortable and established at the point when they hit, and then I'll be looking for the final job of my career once she's done GCSEs.

I think that’s the only way I’d have been able to do it without being stressed, with DH at home and covering everything there. In my industry (that I left) all the senior women either had partners at home, no children or full time nannies. Most had a stay at home partner.

stylefreezone your account is really interesting but I'm not sure why you think you wouldn't be a good role model to younger women because your DH is a SAHD? I don't really see how it's any "worse" than a nanny or boarding school or the various other options chosen by parents in senior positions?

I suppose I think it's not a tremendously realistic mode. There's nothing wrong with it, but the chances of finding a man who's willing to step off the career ladder and work around the children or be a SAHD aren't terribly high, and my life is a lot easier than a lot of women's because DH was willing to do that.

SittHakim I think you are a fab role model. Breaking the 'traditional' gender stereotypes. Showing women they can be the ones to prioritize their career and dads can look after children too! Its great, the world needs more women like you.

4 children here and we're just coming out of the other side.

I was director level in my mid-twenties but knew I didn't want to return to that so I retrained in a more child-friendly career and set up my own consultancy. I now run two companies.

DH travels worldwide on a regular basis and has done for over 20 years. This was harder when the children were small but I have always tried to join him whenever possible, with and without the children in tow.

We were extremely lucky and had childcare, including overnights at our house or theirs, from my Mum and DH's parents. Friends in similar situations throw lots of money at childcare using nannies and au pairs for older children.

I think the most important things to get right are childcare, a cleaner/housekeeper and automating as much as possible. We also have a family calendar on Google and we add all dates for work, travel, major meetings and the children's commitments. DH 'invites' me to all work events and vice versa. I am a big fan of 'blocking' time so 2 hours per week/month for household admin etc.

DH has always been a committed father who has made time for the children as a priority. I'm not sure they fully realise this yet. When DC4 was small he would collect him from school every Friday and would always end his (regular) meeting by saying he had to go and collect his son I think he helped to change the culture in his firm because he insisted on taking time to do things with and for the children.

The things that have taken a hit for both of us are exercise, time for our own hobbies and interests and, at times, time together as a couple. We never do 'date nights' (shudder) but do make time to see friends regularly or go out to dinner/concerts/events.

stylefreezone on the contrary I think it's positive that you're breaking stereotypes and have found a different way of doing things, and are showing that it can work. I think that's a good message to send to both men and women.

I’m a senior manager and was quite late to the party.
I joined a company and was pregnant a year later but had proven how good I was at the job and valuable to the company so they let me have as long as I wante diff and to come back as and when to being with.
Still part time and still being promoted and having bonuses and pay roses above full time colleagues

I have an amazing nanny who's is expensive but worth every penny.

Ironically, I AM a journalist and quite senior, and so is husband. We have one DC. We both earn bugger all as in newspapers, not TV, so a nanny was out of the question as we couldn't afford it. But job still high pressure/high expectation.
I ended up going PT to make it work and it's still stressful and obviously we earn less. But DC is happy. If we have another I might choose self employment.

@bebeboeuf That sounds like an amazing organisation - I would stick with it! Your story is sadly so rare.

I think I see what StyleFreeZone is getting at. There’s a great thread in FWR from some while back about ‘facilitated men’ and the career advantages it gives you if someone else is responsible for all the domestic stuff - it frees up a lot of mental space and energy that can be used for work. People who are carrying 50%+ of the domestic load can’t easily compete, and it could be frustrating to have people point to X as a role model when X has someone at home picking up all the slack.

I’m only middle management so can’t contribute much to the thread otherwise!

We got divorced that's how we coped - something had to suffer, we didn't let the kids or our jobs suffer, but our relationship did in the end.

Would do it all differently if I had my time again

I'm in a senior leadership role and I work full time. we have an amazing nursery which my daughter has gone to since she was 8 months old and a great cleaner. I find travel for work the hardest as I hate not seeing my child in the evening. I'm now pregnant again and am dreading having to figure out juggling two. I do insist on starting my day an hour earlier on my contract than anyone else, so I can leave earlier and always do the pick up except when travelling. I do them work as needed in the evening, I can definitely feel some if my drive has gone since becoming a mother as really all I want to do is spend all my time with my baby. But long term I know that it will be worth maintaining my career to ensure I can provide for my family and have something for myself aside from being a mum. My husband runs his own business and has to travel a lot too, so we do juggle and just make sure one of us is always here. I probably do sacrifice my career more than him currently but that is because he is self employed, earns slightly more, and I know I have at least one more maternity leave on the horizon. once the baby period is over I intend to really try and progress to csuite. For this we will prob need an au pair to live with us, but for now we are coping with out. As others have said the hairdresser is the only time I have for myself and I have no idea how to fit in the gym or socialising these days. My life has changed so much!