Young grandparents

[HighlandWorrier]

So I recently bumped into an old school friend who told me she's a granny and her 3 kids are all over 20. Realise I must have started out late as my own kids are 4 and 11.

Was speaking to my friend about it and she told me of someone who became a granny at 35 I was like

So wondering if I am in the minority to not have grandkids, I'm 44 by the way.

My mother was 35 when she become a grandmother, dhs mum 49.

My DP was 57 when our eldest DGS was born (I was 50, but that doesn't count as I am a stepgranny).

There is so much variation. One of my school friend's eldest dc is 10 years younger than my eldest dc and 2 others have dc who are 7/8 years older than my eldest.

My mum was 44 when she became a grandmother, my nan was 61 when she became a great grandmother and my great nan was 89 when she became a great great grandmother! We had 5 generations in our family at once.

I have friends from my NCT class who are 1 or 2 years younger than my mum. She often gets mistaken for mum if shes out with DD alone.

On the flipside MIL was 76 when DD was born. Theres no right and wrong just different for different families

Coincidences and likely stories! My Nan was 30 when she had Mum. Mum was 20 when she had me, making Nanny a grandmother for the first time at the age of 50.

I was 30 when I had my firstborn. She was 20 when she gave birth to her son, making me a grandmother for the first time at the age of 50.

My grandchildren are now 4 years and 1 and 3/4 years. I'm delighted to be young enough to be able to be active with them.

There are quite good reasons to have dcs in your 20's and therefore become a gp before 60.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandwich_generation

Reading this thread makes me quite sad to be honest, seeing how teenage pregnancy seems to be an unbreakable cycle in some families. It looks to me like teenage pregnancy is normalised/celebrated in these families, therefore causing the child to go on to become pregnant, putting them at a disadvantage. I find it quite depressing really.

It looks to me like

I think you need to get your eyes tested.

I am a nanny and I'm 38 but I look like I am in my 20's.

I wouldn’t get too depressed about it. Teen pregnancies are lower and lower all the time and the age of first time mums is increasing. The situation is getting better, not worse. That’s something to be happy about.

Honestly, a lot of it just depends on luck. My grandmother had her first child at 23 (because she had to get married-long story won’t bother with), my father had me at 43 (two failed marriages and an abortion preceded me), and I had my first at 18 (met my husband and wanted to squeeze in a family before building a career). There are definitely some people I have met who have very fixed ideas about when it’s ok to have children/how important it is to have children etc etc but I think they’re a minority.

@TacoLover being a teenaged parent really isn’t a disadvantage. I was-it was and is definitely a privilege to be able to get children done early in life. The subset of people you seem to be referring to are disadvantaged for different reasons.

I think you need to get your eyes tested.

Do you think that the children being born to 15 year old girls then going on to have babies at the same age in many families are a complete coincidence then?

I wouldn’t get too depressed about it. Teen pregnancies are lower and lower all the time and the age of first time mums is increasing. The situation is getting better, not worse. That’s something to be happy about.

That is true. It just depresses me seeing posts like the PP earlier, who encountered a woman who expected her almost 16 year old to get pregnant.

being a teenaged parent really isn’t a disadvantage. I was-it was and is definitely a privilege to be able to get children done early in life. The subset of people you seem to be referring to are disadvantaged for different reasons.

I agree with you that having a teenage pregnancy does not disadvantage every person. But especially at ages 13/14/15 there will almost certainly be disadvantages, mainly having to miss part of your education for some time at such a crucial age. Education can be completed at any stage, of course, but it would be a lie to say it isn't often incredibly difficult to complete full time education with a baby, even if you have family to support you. Not to mention that the father of the baby is much more likely to be feckless if they're only 14 years old!

I disagree that a 13/14 year old is 'privileged' to have a baby when they are still very much a child themselves and statistically more likely to be in poverty

Being a teenage parent certainly disadvantaged me financially. I had a secure job and returned to it after 5 months maternity leave but I hadn’t been working long enough to build up any financial security in the form of savings or getting a mortgage. I had no option but to rent privately which we all know is money down the drain and leaves no money spare to save for a deposit. If I was to have my time again I would wait to have children until I had been working a good 5-10 years and secured a mortgage. When I look at my classmates who waited until late 20’s/30’s to have children they are all much better off financially than I am. Granted they also all have husbands partners too which means more money coming in but perhaps if I hadn’t had a baby in my teens I would have met a lovely man to marry by now

Do you think that the children being born to 15 year old girls then going on to have babies at the same age in many families are a complete coincidence then?

I think you’re confusing apples and pears.

Can you point out where this happening has been the case on this thread.

Can you point out where this happening has been the case on this thread.

One of the girls from my class at primary school became a granny at 31. She had her first at 16, then her eldest had her first child at 15. We're now 40 and she has 5 grandchildren (her 3 eldest kids have had one or two each).

This is just from the first page. There are many more posts like this throughout the thread.

This is just from the first page. There are many more posts like this throughout the thread

It’s second hand news and whilst it may be accurate in those instances it’s by no means indicative of the examples on the thread.

My sister was 43. She had her first at 24 (career, married, mortgage) and they were 18 when baby arrived.

My dn and partner are doing a grand job, but these things happen sometimes.

My sister is 48. She lost her first serious boyfriend to her best friend at school aged 16. It came out because best friend was pregnant by him.
That friend's daughter also gave birth at 16, and that daughter grew up to give birth at 16.
My sister hadn't had her first child by the time her friend was a grandmother and her friend kept saying she felt sorry for her.

I'm on the cusp of 40. Most of my parent friends are roughly my age. I think where you live makes a difference because what you see as the norm has an impact

It’s second hand news and whilst it may be accurate in those instances it’s by no means indicative of the examples on the thread.

If that's not enough evidence for you, just read the two posts directly below yours on this page. More evidence of teenage pregnancy being a cycle in many families.

My mum had me at 30 and I had DD when I was 24 making her a GM at 54. At the time I didn't feel young having DD I was married had a mortgage and a professional career. But if she had her first at 24 I'd feel very strange about being a GM at 48 and be a bit sad that she hadn't lived more before having a kid.

@dementedma

55 here and not a granny and not the slightest desire to be one either. Eldest dc is 29. Hopefully it wont happen for a long time yet.

So you had a 3 year old at your eldest dc current age? If your DM in your time had told you she had no desire to become a DGM, and hoped you wouldn't have kids for a long time, would it have made you delay having DC? Or would you be more likely to go it's about me becoming a parent and your becoming a grandparent is by the by? Or would you have taken your mother's wishes to heart?

To be honest I don't think anyone passionately wishes to become a grandparent while they still have children living at home, let alone primary school aged children. People usually want a break from raising new generation and enough time to pass to forget about the hard times and to start remembering stuff through rose tinted glasses :)

To offer my own perspective (not a GM but hypothetically easily could become one in my 40s), I had my first DC at nearly 19(planned, Christian background), and last one at nearly 40 (a very big surprise). There are pluses and minuses to being a young and being an older parent.
But it is a fact that by the time I'm gone I would have had 20 years longer with my eldest DC and they had me in their life for 20 years more than my youngest...