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Young grandparents

224 replies

HighlandWorrier · 19/07/2019 22:09

So I recently bumped into an old school friend who told me she's a granny and her 3 kids are all over 20. Realise I must have started out late as my own kids are 4 and 11.

Was speaking to my friend about it and she told me of someone who became a granny at 35 I was like Shock

So wondering if I am in the minority to not have grandkids, I'm 44 by the way.

OP posts:
Herefortheduration · 20/07/2019 10:39

My mum had her first baby at 18 but was 57 before she became a grandmother.

Graphista · 20/07/2019 10:47

It generally depends on the circles you are travelling in when you're prompted to think about these things.

My mum had me at 25 and was considered an "old mum" by her mother, mother in law and most of her friends who had their first before the age of 21.

I started ttc with ex at 23 and finally had dd at 28 and I was very much considered in the circles I was in at the time to be a "Young mum" as the women I was socialising with were very much career oriented and not planning to even ttc until at least 30's, most were thinking around 35. There were a few exceptions but that definitely was the case for most. I knew I had gynae issues, had already had one mc at 18 (which could have made my mum a youngish gran at age 43) albeit then undx - (that didn't happen until 2nd mc) so I didn't want to risk further possible complications due to ageing.

Cut to we move to where we live now... And I'm an "old mum" around here - massively deprived area, few opportunities, lots of addiction etc I'm easily usually 7-10 years older than dds friends mum's and on the rare occasion I'm not its usually that they have other kids older than dd and were 18-20 if not younger when they had their first. The first friend that dd made when we came here, her mum had her when she'd barely turned 15, what was surprising and I suspect unusual even for here was that she and the father were still together (he was about same age), they've since moved away but they were a lovely couple. They had 2 more after dds friend but big gap between child 1 and child 2.

I'm seen as "old fashioned" and "disciplinarian" by many of dds friends excepting dds best friends mum who was also an "old mum" for here being 26 when she had dds friend and we have very similar approach to parenting.

But even within a group you can get massive variation - among my group of friends that were my "gang" at school (so we're all the same age - 47/48 now) and it's a small group too just 6 of us, I have a "young gran" who had her first at 18 and her dd had her first at 20 so she was a granny at 38, but there's also another friend from same group who had major problems conceiving and staying pregnant who finally got her first child just 5 years ago - so that child is younger than the young granny's grandchild! 2 of the group don't have DC at all, one by choice, the other due to health issues sadly.

Dd is 18 now, has her first serious boyfriend but I've said to her (semi lightheartedly) that while I am very much looking forward to being a granny, I hope she doesn't make me one too soon! I'm hoping I'll at least be in my 50's before I am.

Unfortunately dd has her own health issues which could influence her toward sooner rather than later too - not the same ones as me thankfully but certainly something that could make pregnancy if not conception...tricky. She's concerned that guys her age will be reluctant to have DC under 35 though.

It's not always a choice that's completely within our grasp, accidental pregnancies happen (when I fell pregnant at 18 I was on the pill, taking it fastidiously none of the known impediments were a factor - as a result I didn't completely trust it and so used 2 methods from that point on until ttc)

Infertility and pregnancy loss also happen and not always with warning signs. My friend with the 5 year old never had any problems with periods or other gynae symptoms, her partners were biologically fine according to tests, as was she - so no cause found. But still she wasn't getting pregnant. Eventually got her wee one with a successful Ivf treatment, then not long after having them fell pregnant naturally but mc and it went very badly so now she can't carry another.

12??? That has to be from some kind of abuse surely??

There are pros and cons to being very young or much older parents, under 16 is indeed troubling but then there are serious cons to being a much older mother too - but that's very much defended on mn and I've been flamed for so much as mentioning it is perhaps not ideal - one of which is much older or even no longer living Grandparents.

Aragog · 20/07/2019 10:49

No I'm 46y and Dd is 17y. Not planning on becoming a grandparent anytime soon! One of my friends same age are either. Know one who is younger than me and is grandma but via her partner's child - he's older.

One of my aunties was a grandma in her 30s, but then so was her mum too and I think her mum before that. But quite unusual.

My parents became grandparents at 49y; they had me at 19y and I had Dd at 29y. PILs were older.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

JamesBlonde1 · 20/07/2019 10:54

Young GPs are good. Loads of energy and physically well to help with lively grandchildren.

Sadly, the way British society is going, with people having children much older, GPs are now older. Also, children are sadly missing out of the wonderful benefit of GGPs because of the delay in having children.

This isn't a dig about why people have children older (didn't meet the right partner, career etc) it's just a fact and it's a bloody shame.

StellarLunar · 20/07/2019 10:58

I'm 37. My DC is one. If he has a child even at the age of 18 I'll be 55. If he waits as long as me I'll be mid 70s. My mum is late 60s and he's the first DGC

StellarLunar · 20/07/2019 10:59

My DC does have one GGM , in her 90s.

AllSweetnessAndLight · 20/07/2019 11:00

Someone I went to school with became a GM at 29. She had her DD at 15 and her DD had her baby at 14. I had DC1 at 31. It depends on the family. Some families have DC younger than others. All our family had their DC in their 30's. My BF (same age as me) thought my Gran was really old because she was 10 years older than her own Gran. BF had her DC 10 years before I had DC1.

Groovee · 20/07/2019 11:03

Dh is 49 and not a grandparent. My dad became a grandad at 42. My mum was a stepgran at 31 and a gran at 47.

Dowser · 20/07/2019 11:10

I thought I was quite young at 51 but seeing some of the ages on here, I was quite an elderly gran
Had it been my eldest who had given birth rather than my youngest I would’ve been 46

DurhamDurham · 20/07/2019 11:12

I'm a grandma at 48, it was youngest daughter who had the baby. While she was still at uni, it was a surprise and I was worried. But our granddaughter is just over a year now and our daughter has graduated as a nurse so it's all good.
I love being a grandma, I'd rather spend time with her than anyone else, she brings so much joy to us all. It just happened sooner than I thought it would.

Nameusernameuser · 20/07/2019 11:12

DPs mother became a grandmother at 39, and had an 18 month old at the time. My mum became a grandmother at 47, and had a 3 year old at the time.
People often mistake my son for DPs mum's son, I don't mind, she had DP at 19 and I had DS at 20.

Rainbowknickers · 20/07/2019 11:19

I had my first at 19 my parents where late 40’s
I’m now 41 and have friends my age who have 5+ grandkids
I don’t have any yet and are more than happy to wait

Heymummee · 20/07/2019 11:22

My mum became a grandmother at 37, first to my brother’s baby (he was 17 at the time) and then 4 months later to my son, I was 21 turning 22.
She now has 5 grandchildren and she’s just turned 51.

Heymummee · 20/07/2019 11:25

Got that wrong, she was 39

woodhill · 20/07/2019 11:28

@Dowser

51

Hardly elderly, more on the young side

Mrsjayy · 20/07/2019 11:28

Few of the girls I went to school with have a couple of grandkids primary age we are 48 my own dc are in their 20s but no Gc yet. My mum was just turned 40 when she became a gran she wasn't amused she wasn't very hands on because she was working shifts which is fair enough .

NorthEndGal · 20/07/2019 11:31

I'm 41, I have a 20 yo and a 22 yo, no grandchildren, and none in sight for a few years I'd say.

My DM just turned 65 and has 8 grandchildren ranged from 22 to a few months old.

I have friends with 3 or 4 grandchildren, and many who have just had their first babies.

It's a grand time to be alive, when you can choose to have a baby.

woodhill · 20/07/2019 11:32

I think the housing situation must have a bearing too and job prospects

WhatTheAbsoluteFuck · 20/07/2019 11:34

My Gran was 42 when DSis was born, my Dad was 26. She had him at 16, and was a Great Grandma at 60 when DSis had a baby aged 18.

However, her other son didn’t have any DC till he was 50, (his DW was 35 when she had their first) and their DC are the same age as mine Grin

jackparlabane · 20/07/2019 11:37

My grandparents were in their 70s when I was born (parents were youngest children, mum was 32 when I was born), and same for my kids' grandparents - took me 10 years to have dc1.

My parents are in much better nick than my grandparents were, my ILs more elderly with less social energy, so they can only chat to the kids for an hour or so, whereas my grandparents might have been arthritic but would spend the whole day playing cards with us and ordering us to fetch more beer from the fridge.

I'm somewhat envious of people who have fit energetic parents living nearby, and friends who now have grown children said it turned out easier to scrape by with no money when kids were small then build a career when they were older, compared with having more cash but trying to maintain a career with small kids. Swings and roundabouts, I think.

Mrsjayy · 20/07/2019 11:40

My gran had kids at home andgrand kids and then grand kids had kids she had approx 10 GGC when she died at 77.

starfishcoffee · 20/07/2019 11:41

My mum became a DGM at 43. I'm the eldest, my siblings were only 2.5 and 1 when DS was born. (There is a 16-17 year age gap between my siblings and I).

It's worked out lovely in our case, the children love each other.

ChanklyBore · 20/07/2019 11:51

In a sample size of three, me and two friends who were in the same class at school, one has a 21yo DS, isn’t a grandmother but could easily be one. I have a 13yo DD. And the other doesn’t have a long term partner or children, intends to settle down and have them “eventually”.

BackforGood · 20/07/2019 14:09

My mum had me aged 30. I had my first dc aged 32. Honestly find it hard to believe that so many people have kids so young. No one I know has.

Overwhelmingly, we tend to mix with other "people like us".
So it isn't really surprising.
Amongst my family, and my friends, people tend to become grandparents once in their 60s, but amongst families I work with, 30s is pretty common.

There will be exceptions but you mix with other parents at the same school your dc go to (so tend to be from the same sort of houses/flats). Same with your neighbours, or the people your dc go to clubs and activities with. Or your colleagues are likely to be in the same line of work and pay scales. etc.etc.

Zaphodsotherhead · 20/07/2019 14:21

I was 28 when my first was born, making my mum a grandma at 56. I became a grandma at 52, so mum became a great grandma at just under 80.

Currently only my eldest has any children, the others are all in their twenties and not interested. But we're a late-birthing family (plus no help from family for my mum (moved away from close family) or me (ditto) may have coloured our views somewhat. Do families that stay geographically close and therefore have more childcare options tend to have children younger?