Young grandparents

[HighlandWorrier]

So I recently bumped into an old school friend who told me she's a granny and her 3 kids are all over 20. Realise I must have started out late as my own kids are 4 and 11.

Was speaking to my friend about it and she told me of someone who became a granny at 35 I was like

So wondering if I am in the minority to not have grandkids, I'm 44 by the way.

I had a friend whos Gran brought her up she didnt find out her "Aunt" had her at 14 untill she was a teenager poor girl was distraught,

My Aunt was a GP at 32, her daughter at 34 and her sister at 41... certainly runs in that side of the family! My DSis is about to (very unexpectedly!) become a GP for the first time on the cusp of her 50th birthday and she wasn’t prepared to be one for quite a long time (her DS is only 18, in first year at University)...😳

Agree about familial and geographical norms. I had Ds at 28, making dm a gm at 55 and MIL a gm at 59 this was considered by almost everyone as " very young". In other areas it would be very old.

I had my eldest when I was 20, he is now 21 and no grandchildren yet. Tbh I'd be surprised if any appear for at least another 5 years.

I agree, cardamoncoffee.

I advertised dd's cot for sale and a woman got in touch to buy it and dh delivered it. The woman who bought it told dh it was for her dd. "When's the baby due?" asked dh politely. The woman replied that the dd was 16 so in about a year she'd have one .

I work in one of the worst schools in the country [preen!] . Sadly many of the girls who leave with no or few qualifications are pushing a pram around within the year. I say "sadly" but they don't seem to be bothered! Plenty of friends in the same position, plenty of family support and round here there isn't a terrible housing problem so they all get flats and then houses. I can't help thinking that they've perhaps got the right idea when I see (at the other end of town) loads of young people with massive student debts.

I advertised dd's cot for sale and a woman got in touch to buy it and dh delivered it. The woman who bought it told dh it was for her dd. "When's the baby due?" asked dh politely. The woman replied that the dd was 16 so in about a year she'd have one.

Ugh. Nothing like having high hopes for your children, eh?

Irma somewhat controversial perhaps, but part of the problem I believe is that it is too easy for them. Many of the 'problematic' estates do not have waiting lists for properties so if you want one you are almost guaranteed one around the corner from your mum/dgm and 3 best friends who also have babies the same age. I've gone into houses to see a new mum and her dm, dgm and maybe one of two sisters are all there, drinking coffee and smoking for most of the day. The UC has hit them extremely hard, this way of life has become a culture and it is very hard to stop the cycle. I honestly don't know what the solution is.

I'm 58 and am not expecting to become a grandmother for a good few years (my eldest child is 22). I do have 9 great nephews and nieces though.

I spent 7 years living on one of those estates (after fleeing DV with nothing but the clothes on our backs) and yes, there was a lot of that.

My DCs school were gobsmacked last summer I said we were leaving due to me starting my PhD... They said DCs had told them but thought it was a wild story In fairness I’m covered in tattoos and piercings, I’m not your average Biosciences PhD-er

It really depends how old you are when you have your kids,I was 33 when ds1 was born my mum was31 when I was born but she was already a Grandma but was just turned 60 when her first Grandson was born ,my Dads my mum was in her forties I think when she became a Grandparent she had six kids though she ,was about 21 when the first was born when she died at 84 her Grandchildren were aged between mid 30,s and I think the youngest was about 8? She was also a Great Grandma just ,my oldest nephew was a few months old .

What that is amazing, well done.

Have to agree with Cardamom and Irma, it does seem the norm to have dc younger when you are not going on to uni etc.

It's easier if you are provided with social housing rather than having to rent at market rent or save to buy your own home on 2 salaries

If my dd leaves it as late as I did I will become a GM when I'm 90

My mum had me at 17 and I didn't have one until I turned 30.

IMO you are about the 'right' age to be a grandmother. I'm somewhat old fashioned in that regard and feel early 20s is the best time to start a family. But these days I think the average age time to start a family is 30, meaning 60 is probably more typically grandparent type-age. So I'm obviously not right as having children later in life is fashionable/more popular these days. Thats just how I personally feel so I do consider early to mid 40s to be grandparent age even if you aren't a grandparent.

I'm 32 and my son is 16 this year. I had my son at 16 and my mum was a gp at 35

My mum had us kids at 21, 23 and 25.

My eldest sister had a baby at 16 so my mum was a grandma at 37.

Me and my sister waited much longer!

Have to agree with Cardamom and Irma, it does seem the norm to have dc younger when you are not going on to uni etc.

But also plenty of people who go to uni also have children ‘younger’ too. Like many people I’d completed a degree and a post graduate course by the age of 23. We got married at 24 and had my first two babies at 25 and 26 which is still considered young by many on MN.

My mum had me when she was 33, and I had DS when I was 31 (just shy of my 32nd birthday), so my mother was 64 when she became a grandmother. From our POV that's a perfect age - my parents are in good health and are really physically active, but, being in their 60s, have retired, so they have the time and money to enjoy being grandparents. I appreciate this is largely a class thing though.

I meant teens not the age you mention.

Does anyone know what the actual average age for a first time mother is in the UK?

28.9 or something like that (ONS statistics)

My old school friends mostly seem to have toddlers and preschoolers and were mid 40s.

My kids are teens and primary school.

Yet I work with someone who thinks I started really late and is ten years older than me with grandchildren who are older than my children.

One of my first "mum friends" where I live now is actually a grandmother, who had her only child at 18, and that child had her currently only child at 17 - her grandson was born when she was the age I had my youngest at, and we met in the village playground when they were both 2 and we were both 37...

However I didn't meet her daughter for almost a year because she was studying - the grandma, although proud of her DD, didn't want her to repeat her life and had her grandson 10 hours per day Monday- Thursday plus all weekend eow because she didn't want her daughter to give up her education and everything else to bring up her son. So actually until the little boy was 6 and his mother 23 and beginning to be established in a career his grandmother was doing at least 50% of the parenting.

I'm 45 and my DCs are 9 and 6...I'm hoping grandparenthood is a good few years away. Although DS2 tells me he's going to make me a grandma when he's 18.

Thanks Cammomilla