Hands up, how many of us were smacked as children?

[Brownwool]

Just doing my own survey here. For me it was just normal. A bloody good smacking certainly taught us what not to do. It was more about my parents being unable to control themselves. And now things have changed so much. I just wonder how many MNrs were routinely smacked?

Yep. Mother couldn't control herself, got regular ear bashings and an occasional slap.

I dislike her now, and am rubbish at boundaries. It was more the emotional/verbal than the slapping which affected me though.

Yes many times, in the 70's. Usually with hands or a plastic spoon. My DM once said it did no harm for DC to be slightly scared of their parents. I have to say I kind of agree, and the fear of their reaction stopped me doing many a silly or dangerous thing as I grew up.
Not scarred at all.

Yes. Me and my siblings were routinely smacked as children in the 80’s and 90’s. It wasn’t related to our behaviour but how stressed our mother was. I’ve never hit my children.

Yes many times. As were all my cousins and everyone I knew. I was born in he 70s.

No. I never was, but then I was never naughty or rude. I was a happy compliant little thing.

Aged 51. Smacked with a hand occasionally only by my mother. Answering back, fighting with my sister etc. She even smacked me when my sister once said "come and see what xx has done". There was black marker drawn along the wallpaper in our bedroom. Where a piece of furniture was in the way it was stopped and carried on. The fact I was downstairs with my mother the whole time and my sister was holding a black marker behind her back she just wallopped me. When she realised it was my sister she got wallopped twice, once for doing it, the second for lying.

I did have a smack for something I did do which was to ask my sister (aged 2) if she wanted to try mustard. Dull child said yes so I dabbed it on her tongue. Aged 4 I obviously knew what mustard was like but in my defence she did agree.

I know i was maybe once or twice but I can't remember!

I went to a very violent junior school (in the 60s). Teachers were allowed to punish physically in more or less any way they wished and to my knowledge, no parent ever complained. Usual slippering, caning (caning only by headteacher) etc but also face slapping and hair pulling in addition to heads being ‘knocked’ repeatedly with a closed fist. Unbelievably these punishments were given for crimes such as spelling a word incorrectly, or general errors in work. Most of us learned to cope and survive, never telling our parents for fear of there being further trouble. However I remember one little girl who was so shy, academic and well behaved she had never been hit. One day (Year 5/6) she went out to the front to ask the teacher (not our usual class teacher) a question about her work. I don’t know what she said to upset him but he grabbed her wrist and slapped her hand numerous times so aggressively we were all shocked. The sight of this big man assaulting this dear little girl has stayed with me. I can still remember her horrified expression as she dissolved into tears and I’ve often wondered since what effect this had on her.

For all those who were smacked to teach them a lesson I presume you were only smacked once otherwise it goes to prove that smacking doesn’t teach people anything.

I used to be hit if I came home late. (Even 1 minute late)
I used to try to be early but even if I was there was always something I did wrong that involved me getting shouted at or smacked
In the end I reasoned I was going to be hit or screamed at whatever I did so would stay out all day and night enjoying myself.

For all those who were smacked to teach them a lesson I presume you were only smacked once otherwise it goes to prove that smacking doesn’t teach people anything.

But can’t you say that about most methods of discipline? As a teen I was grounded or sent to my room on lots of occasions so that didn’t stop me either.

fancynancyclancy

Never understood those punishments either.

I used to get down to dcs level and gently give them a lengthy explanation on why they shouldn’t do something.

It worked much better than snacking as either they took it on board because they knew why they shouldn’t do something or they just got sick of hearing my voice.

Yes, by my mum. Hit with a belt once by my dad.

Oliversmumsarmy
I certainly knew the difference between right & wrong & was generally very well behaved. However sometimes I thought I knew better so would do something regardless of the consequences. I would get frustrated that they didn’t want me going clubbing at 15 (the 90s) & that they didn’t think I could look after myself for example. I would secretly go, only ever drink water & make sure I would get home safely (grew up
in London). I only hope my children are as sensible as I was!

Should add at school (70s) we had to queue up outside the headmaster’s office to be hit with a ruler over our outstretched hands. Was never sure what was worse - the hitting (I went to music college at the weekends and it buggered up my practice and playing for days) or the waiting see friends coming out of his office crying. I don’t ever remember what it would be for. I was very well behaved but cheeky and chatty at school. Awful now I think about it.
Family hitting was with a metal springy spatula.
Very sad when I think about it. Honestly don’t feel traumatised - loved my late mum and dad a lot and miss them a lot. Think they lost control and would have wished they had behaved differently. We were a handful and they weren’t always best in dealing with us. I have forgiven fully. I also don’t think it was right.
Hugs to all on this thread reliving tough stuff.

Yep, by both parents though predominantly 'D'M, and sometimes she even gave me a choice of wooden spoon! Unfortunately I have inherited her hot head, but work harder to control it.

Nope, just threats.
I would not be speaking to them now if they had.

I do think there needs to be a distinction made here- smacking by parents whilst in control of their temper, for clear grounds following warnings (especially when it doesn’t really hurt as many have said) is not the same thing at all as being punched in the face, or pushed into a plate of spaghetti, or slapped or having other such extreme events.

I was smacked by my parents, I remember being smacked but can only recall one particular situation when I thought it was unjust (I.e: dad smacked me in anger). I have no issues because of or around this. I have no problem smacking my children, but always ensure I’m calm (and it is always me, not DW who administers this), and always following an escalation of warnings. It is the final escalation after the naughty step.

For those who were violently assaulted by your parents I’m terribly sorry for your suffering- that wasn’t a smack; that wasn’t discipline intended to correct or restrain or teach good from bad, it was uncontrolled violence.

Once and it was more of a tap on the hand to get me to drop something I shouldn’t have had.

Regularly, often with a stick 😢

I was, by both parents and a grandparent. Slapped, smacked and hit in anger (rather than as anything that could be deemed a "discipline approach"), thrown down the stairs once too. My DH was also hit and had his stuff smashed up as punishment.

Yes and would never ever do it to my own children. There is no relationship there now.

You don’t shake another adult for doing something wrong as it’s abuse yet apparently many do it to children who can’t remove themselves from the situation it would seem based on the posts on the thread.

hiddenmnetter There are different levels of abuse yes, but hitting a child is a violent thing to do and unnecessary.
Lets not minimise how wrong it is to hit children. And actually even though i wasn't severely abused or punched etc I still feel angry about my parents smacking me, and it very much affected my relationship with them. There is no acceptable level of physical punishment.

I'm a 70's child and yes we were smacked at home and school. It was horrible. I hated it. We never listened or did as we were told and regularly misbehaved so got a good hiding for it. Was I scared of my mum? Yes. Did it affect our relationship? Yes. Did it help me more or hinder me more long-term? Jury is out on that one. I would have preferred to be talked to calmly about my behaviour, but my mum was not able to do that. She did the best she could.

I've very very occasionally smacked my own children when they have been out of control. Oh boy! The guilt after. Definitely prefer being calm and talking with them.

Yes, I'm mid fifties and it was the norm then. My mother often smacked in frustration and ange.

Yes. Slap on the leg or arm by DM. Full on slap around the face from DF.

He would regularly hit us around the back of the head completely out of nowhere.