Hands up, how many of us were smacked as children?

[Brownwool]

Just doing my own survey here. For me it was just normal. A bloody good smacking certainly taught us what not to do. It was more about my parents being unable to control themselves. And now things have changed so much. I just wonder how many MNrs were routinely smacked?

Yep, when I deserved it. It did me no harm and I think it was a good way to deter bad behaviour. I got plenty warning...they didn't just smack for nothing. If it was legal - and I had kids - I would do the same as my parents did. Better than the cringy 'getting down to their level and talking to them' stuff.

Me too up until quite an old age (14). It was a sign of a lack of self control and I have never done so with my children.

Yes by both parents. One very nasty incident involving my father particularly stays with me, more so now I'm a parent myself as I just cannot imagine making my child feel afraid of me. My mother tells me that I was the "best behaved" of the 3 of us and was therefore barely ever smacked. I do believe her, and I don't think it happened often. But nonetheless the damage has been done. It was also damaging to see my brothers being punished. My parents both had extremely fiery tempers, their relationship was (and remains to this day) deeply unhappy, my mum was a young mother, my siblings and I were close in age and I think that we bore the brunt of their stresses. At the risk of sounding like this is a "stately homes" post, my mum wasn't all bad. We did have lots of good times. But they don't erase the frightening and upsetting memories sadly.

Better than the cringy 'getting down to their level and talking to them' stuff.

Why is this cringey?

Yes, by my father in the 80s. I only remember that about him growing up and not the good times with him. I have never and will never hit or smack my own children.

Smacked by my mother because I cried about something, I was under 2.

Kicked, hit, slapped and strangled by foster carers.

Beat up by foster sister.

SA by foster parent.

Will never lose the guilt of slapping for toddler once when I was feeling broken and exhausted. He's forgiven me but I never will.

that wasn’t discipline intended to correct or restrain or teach good from bad, it was uncontrolled violence

As opposed to the controlled violence that you "administer" to your children? I'm making an assumption that you are in a hetero marriage (apologies if that's incorrect) - so your children live in a home where they are hit by a man if their behaviour if their behaviour is unacceptable? That is absolutely not a positive thing.

Not often, but yes. 1960s.

Yes, often hard, by both parents. Who have totally rewritten history and would swear blind I was only hit once gently in my entire life and I am a liar. 🤬

Once, and it was completely unjustified and only because they were worried. My mother preferred shouting or withholding love or approval. I don't recommend it.

Yes, mainly by my Dad, He died when I was 15 and my main memories are of him smacking me for some misdemeanour, I was a quiet shy child and I can not remember being that naughty as to have 'deserved' a smack. I will never smack my child.

WhatsInAName19

Better to be cringy than have children live in fear.

Only had to do it a couple of times for different things.

I have a very open relationship with both my children. We speak about everything and anything. They know I won’t get angry at anything they want to discuss.

My mum did if I was really misbehaving, I don't think my dad ever did. No lasting effect really but I don't think it ever helped much, just made me more angry

Yes me, quick smack, although very rarely, by mum.
A good wallop from Dad if I disagreed or looked at him the wrong way.

I’m quite a strong person I think, so tbh it hasn’t really affected me.
I asked mum about Dad hitting me, years after he died and she always just said I shouldn’t have been so cheeky
Before she died however, I just said to her that it felt, now I had a daughter of my own, that I realised how wrong it was, the way I was hit and I was hit hard round the head, just wasn’t right and it bothered me that she was just condoning it. She said that she knew he shouldn’t have hit me like that. I felt better for her at least admitting it.

Dad was very old school, I know that and I loved them both so much.
I remember when DD was about 4, I smacked her over something. DH who had never been hit, grabbed me and said ‘You never ever do that again, just because you were hit’ It shocked me and I never smacked her again.

Yes. Hit by both parents until I threatened to hit back in my mid teens. I remember being hit hard enough to leave serious bruising when I was 13 or 14 and I was naked and defenceless in the bath. Me and my sister were hit numerous times a day as young children and threatened and verbally abused as well.

My Mum even threatened to hit me when I was 36 and pregnant for daring to object to her redecoration plans for my 2 year olds room.

I think hitting was normalised then sadly and still is to some extent. My Mum admitted it was to make her feel better, not to encourage better behaviour or chastise.

"Oblomov19

No. I never was, but then I was never naughty or rude. I was a happy compliant little thing"

I know I'm interpreting this as 'if you behaved well you wouldn't have been smacked' because of my own experience (still smacked, shaken and threatened at home and in school, although I was compliant to the point of chronic anxiety about anyone breaking rules) but it does sound like victim blaming.

Children are smacked because the adult loses control. Not because of their behaviour.

Never, I wasn't even told off 😅. Didn't do me any harm. I've no issues with authority and have always been a polite, responsible, hard working and law abiding adult.

I love my parents ❤️❤️. I guess it might have been better if they had occasionally asked about school or whatever but they were very much of the 'as long as you are happy' school of thought. They didn't do any of the guilt tripping stuff either.

I had more boundaries with my kids but have never hit them or gone crazy at them.

I was battered and beaten I put my hands behind my back telling my kids off just in case I turn out like my parents

By my dad - Thumped - yes, Belted - yes... smacked...no
By my mum - shouted at- yes, "disappointed with" - yes... smacked...no

Mum's words hurt most.

Many kids seem to be a lot more cheeky to their parents these days, even swearing at them etc
Can't help feeling sorry for these kids, I feel the parents should be more disciplined with then. A lot of parents don't know how to discipline without smacking. Therefore, many kids are going undisciplined and it's going to impact their future. They have no fear or respect for authority.

Yes by my Mum in the 70s/80s

Not very often but often enough that my main emotional response to my Mum was fear

We have never discussed it since I became an adult as I know that her memory of it will be different to mine and i don't think there is anything to be achieved now by dwelling on it. I wasn't a badly behaved child so IMO it was totally unnecessary and only served to damage the relationship we had.

Yep I was.

My Nan only today said to me "he'll learn when he's older and you tell him 'no' and smack his hand" about my 6 month old DS.

When I said I won't be smacking him, he will learn the meaning of no without a smack. She said "oh you'll be too hard on him" as if him being smacked is less harsh on a child 🙄

Attacked is a better description. Discipline in our house included kicking, slapping, choking, hair pulling and being dragged around by our hair, hit with wooden spoons, thrown against walls and to the floor. Almost always my Mum. Dad kept his hands to himself but was always there in the background sniping and winding her up.

Yep and I’m not quite 30 yet. My Step-Dad beat me though, it went far beyond the odd smack. It did do me harm, I needed therapy in my teens.

At least twice a week, sometimes more. I was terrified of my Mum.