Your most ridiculous household related injuries please...

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

I speak as a person who has ripped her half thumb nail off emptying a washing machine and earlier on I was dancing to very loud music whilst emptying the dishwasher (neglecting to see how much water had dropped on the floor)

Feet went east and west causing me to do the weirdest box splits and land with the cutlery tray right on my nethers-

I’m currently sat on the sofa with an ice pack feeling like one of those men who goes to A&E with a hoover stuck to their cocks.

I appeared to give myself another skin prick test... a cluster of red inflamed pin pricks on my arm where I had impaled myself on ds's cactus while trying to shut the blinds properly.

Phone charger lived behind the sofa being lazy I reclined the sofa to reach it lent over and managed to pin my arm behind the sofa. Dogs and dd 2 year old just sat watching me I couldn't call anyone for help as I could reach the phone couldn't put the sofa down as didn't have the weight to kick it down in the position I was in I was crying my eyes out so I just pulled and pulled and pulled it eventually came out and my arm was black for about 2 weeks

I am always banging my head on that sloping wall that is underneath the stairs. We keep the spin dryer and the laundry basket under there, as well as all the shoes and a load of other crap. The 1st time I did it I almost knocked myself out.

Sliced my finger open on a knife even chopping onions

Put my hand on the window pane to slam the door shut. The door stopped and my hand kept going through the glass. I cut my wrist and thumb and needed stitches.

I've burned my forearm a few times by accidentally touching the top shelf of the oven. You can sometimes hear the sizzle as it does so and it's horrible!

I have an ingrown toenail that flares up occasionally and the amount of times I've stubbed, caught it snagged that particular toe is unbelievable. It is only ever that toe as well, never the others.

Broke my arm in half (the bone was actually sticking out of my skin) whilst watering flowers, I tripped over the hose pipe..

Broke all 5 toes on one foot when a ceramic rolling pin rolled off the work surface while I was making pastry

Dislocated my shoulder when I tripped over the washing basket

When my kids were toddlers I slipped while climbing over a static stair gate. Broke the fall between my legs. I've never known such pain and within a couple of minutes it was so swollen it looked as though I had a tennis ball between my legs!
That wasn't the end of it either, I couldn't wear trousers for weeks, and eventually had to have surgery...all because of one little slip!

DH put his back out yesterday, making porridge in the microwave. No idea how. One minute he was standing up, and the next he was crouching on the floor, calling for a cool pack.

I’m absolutely crying with laughter at the expression ‘Striding briskly’ while putting away and ironing board! So funny

Last night at a family garden party teenage DD managed to smack her little cousin.in the face with a water rifle, splitting his lip and gashing his forehead open. Then just a few minutes later she was turning cartwheels and managed to gouge her heel on the garden tap, there was so much blood!

Decided it was safer to take her home, and she was promptly sick in the footwell of my car (partly shock, but mainly the several glasses of Prosecco she'd necked).

Dh managed to cut his finger on a prawn cracker and crick his neck while yawning.

I've had a frozen chicken fall from one of the upper shelves of my freezer while I was crouched down looking through the freezer drawers. That hurt!

I've had a similar accident with a solid oak dining chair that I put on the table to get under it to vacuum, that had blood and gore...

Most other accidents have been mundane or pure accidents rather than idiocy. :)

Cut the bit between thumb and forefinger washed glasses with chips i hadnt noticed..TWICE..

Dropped and smashed a plate, cleared up and thought no more of it. 2 weeks later my finger was still hurting so bad so got it looked at and had a piece of plate in my finger that the skin had healed over.

The worst was moving the very full wheelie bin to do the meter readings and it falling from the step onto my foot and breaking 7 bones in my foot.

Sprained my back falling off a chair to clean the top of the fridge

Washing the wall from mould in the bathroom and stood on the plastic toilet sink which had a crack in it and went under hitting my foot in the u bend had to go to a and e with a swollen foot thankfully it wasn't broken

Gave myself a perfectly square bruise when I dropped a chair on my foot.
Cut a huge gash in my thumb when I used a kitchen devil knife to break apart two pieces of frozen chicken.
I learned a few things from this. 1) When you've put freezer tissue between the bits of meat you don't need to use a knife to break it apart 2) They're called Kitchen devils for good reason 3) There's actually a whole scientific paper dedicated to frozen sausage injuries. The nice nurse in A&E who supervised a medical student repairing my thumb told me all about it.

I tripped over the baby bouncer and stubbed my little toe badly, due to sleep deprivation. Also banged my funny bone elbow which is anything but funny. All because I was tired from no sleep with sick baby and jumped up to try to clean her vomit.

I stood barefoot on the dogs chewy hedgehog, fell onto open wardrobe door, ricocheted into chest of drawers and fell on the floor, on top of the hoover. Horribly bruised ribs and couldn't walk or sit properly for weeks!

Unpegging the washing and some of the older pegs were breaking apart. A piece from one twanged me on the nose!

Chucked pork medallions into a hot frying pan with a little too much abandon and peppered my forehead with sizzling oil.

Pulled a vacuum cleaner onto my head (doing the stairs from top to bottom instead of bottom to top).

I spent one Christmas in a&e because my mother (accidentally) stabbed me in the top of the foot with a really sharp vegetable knife as we were preparing the veg for Christmas lunch She dropped it, along with various other things off the worktop, onto the top of my bare foot, and it stuck point-down in there. She remembered that you apparently shouldn’t pull out any penetrating objects, so dad drove me to the hospital with this fucking knife still embedded in my foot.

Not me but a nurse colleague came into our A&E one night after a very bizarre accident. She had been writing at a table and left the paper and pen there. A while later, stood on said table to hang some curtains. Table tipped, she flew through the air, the pen, one of those cheap, transparent biros, followed her and as the table fell it managed to hammer the pen through the top of her foot and out the other side. The x-ray was interesting to say the least. The doc looked at the x-ray, told her he was just going to examine her foot and in the blink of an eye, pulled the pen out. She screamed, we laughed (wicked cows that we were) and the doc used the pen to write her a prescription for antibiotics. 😂

Cut my tendon on my right wrist by drying a mug. The handle snapped off, and ended up operated on in hospital the same day.

Old thread I know but wanted to add mine

Cut myself on tin while opening it with tin opened scar is still their 4 years later

Stubbed my toe hard on the bed In a hotel after lots of wine and a rather rough sex session from behind

Nearly slipped on wet kitchen floor managed to save myself just by chance of a second

Dropped my phone out of my hand as if I had slippery fingers and hit myself on the face with it

The list could go on and on 😂

Kept reminding myself to move the straighteners from the floor once they'd cooled down. Faffing about with the laptop and forgot, stepped straight on the plug then hopped onto my other foot and stood on the straighteners that broke with a loud crunch. There were puncture wounds but they barely bled and healed well, thankfully.

Barefoot in the kitchen and dripped boiling water on my feet.

Had a total loss of concentration and got a pot out the oven with oven gloves but then removed them and tried to take the lid off the very hot pot with my bare hands. That bloody hurt for days.