Your most ridiculous household related injuries please...

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

I speak as a person who has ripped her half thumb nail off emptying a washing machine and earlier on I was dancing to very loud music whilst emptying the dishwasher (neglecting to see how much water had dropped on the floor)

Feet went east and west causing me to do the weirdest box splits and land with the cutlery tray right on my nethers-

I’m currently sat on the sofa with an ice pack feeling like one of those men who goes to A&E with a hoover stuck to their cocks.

In bed, with terrible pain. Right now.
This thread has cheered me right up!

These are genius!!!
I have 2 to add.
Had to go to hospital for stitches in my temple as I walked with speed round the corner straight into to edge of the half open garage door. (What a tit!)

Had to have pen removed from hamstring on right leg after sitting down too fast on the join between two sofa cushions where the bic biro was hiding in wait.
(Again what a tit)

DH clipped the top of DD's thumb off with the nail clippers. Blood everywhere and a trip to A&E where she got chocolate for breakfast. It was Halloween and she had the perfect, blood stained outfit but thought it might be frowned upon to use it as her fancy dress! She still has the scar 2.5yrs later.

Various attempts to amputate my left thumb with a bread knife... I've grated bits of my hands a few times. I've fallen down stairs quite a few times. The worst injury from that was breaking my collar bone when I was 2. Do not ever bend down to pick something up when heading down stairs. I still have to stop myself doing this now and I'm in my 50s! I ripped the top of my big toe with the fridge door in a holiday cottage - does that count? And a couple of years ago, I fell out of the open kitchen door. I wasn't hurt, as I landed on the newly dug flower bed, but I got the fright of my life! The dog laughed...

I've got the 'harry potter' scar from running into the back of a chair when I was wee. My poor mum was under such scrutiny when she took me into minor injuries to get it treated...cause it was New Year's Day and they must have thought she'd be remiss in her parental duties after too much partying. (She was not hungover, but still, more than 25 years later she still blames me for choosing that day to maim myself!)

This Hogmanay my DP sliced his thumb up good when trying to pry the wax seal off his bottle of whiskey with a pair of kitchen scissors. Not his smartest moment.

I broke my ankle running through the kitchen when trying to answer an emergency vet telephone call , slipped on a wet patch not a pretty sight ( husband was sat in the car engine running with a very poorly cat )

Broke my toe walking into a door frame 🤦‍♀️

True story:

On Tuesday this week, DH was at the top of a ladder at the roofline, seeing whether extending paint roller would reach the chimney, when the ladder collapsed. It was a neighbour’s ladder, they’d said use it anytime. They’re on holiday this week so when they get back we have to tell them we owe them a ladder. And theirs could’ve killed DH.

Miraculously he got away with grazing and bruising (obviously he’s acting like he has triple Ebola).

I’m the super clumsy one normally and have broken little toes so often in a variety of scenarios I just sigh now when it happens.

I have what appear to be c-section scars on my abdomen. They are in reality scars from ironing in my underwear and in a rush to get children settled and ready to go out on time. Serious burns for a good while.

After that really heavy rain last week our rotary clothes dryer had filled up with water. As I walked past it I gently spun it out of the way, and it spattered dirty rainwater down my lovely new summer dress. In fury, I swatted it hard, resulting in it swinging round super fast and smacking me viciously in the back of the head.

I needed five stitches.

So many silly injuries....
Broke my little toe by catching it on the edge of a cardboard box

Knocked a wine glass off the kitchen work surface, it landed base edge on my big toe cutting it, which bled and bled every time I put my foot down. This was a Sat night and we were due to go out somewhere with the kids the next day. Didn't happen :(

When I was a teen, I was trying on a bikini and as I tried to do up the clasp, I pinched something in my neck and was stuck for ages. Thankfully I was eventually able to get dressed, but it felt like forever.

Biggest one was rushing in with the washing after watering the garden, itonically as it was starting to rain. Slipped on a bank, caught my foot in a loop of the blanket, heard a POP and found myself sat on the ground shaking. Thankfully my ED saw me and called my DH. Went to a&e, broken in 4 places, one a spiral fracture, all requiring pins and plates!!

A moth flew down my trouser leg while I was sitting on the loo one summer night. Somehow, in the get-it-out-of-there dance, I managed to fall head-first into the bath.

Nothing seriously injured, fortunately. (Except my dignity. DH still howls with laughter remembering the position he found me in when he came to investigate the crash.)

DH left his wellies just outside the back door and I tripped over them,as I came out. I staggered and flailed uncontrollably across the drive before crashing head first into the wheelie bin. I was really dazed, and ended up lying in the drive for about half an hour. No-one else was home.
I too have had the bloody stupid stick blender incident, trying to free something from the blades while inadvertently pushing the start button. Fucked up my thumb and forefinger nails and fingertips with deep gouges. Blood everywhere. It looked dreadful for ages and I thought I was going to lose both nails but they somehow hung on.

The french door slammed in the wind onto my nipple!

I was walking through my living room, stepped on the dog's toy, slipped and went head first into the radiator.

Admiring the newly finished splash back behind the cooker, I walked backwards onto the open dishwasher door. That bloody hurt.

Nearly cut through my finger chopping a cauliflower.

Woke up crumpled up in the corner of the bathroom, no idea how I got there, no injuries, no alcohol, all very weird. I’ve done that twice.

Slammed the back door on my fingertip. Extroadinarily painful. The nail took ages to come off.

@ILoveAFullFridge oh I had a moth incident too. One flew at my face, I jumped, lost my footing and plummeted down the stairs.

I was carrying two empty plates through to the kitchen, one in each hand. Never noticed toddler DS placemat on the tiled floor, slipped on it and fell on my face. Didn't put my hands out to stop my fall as was carrying the plates.
Ended up with a broken nose and burst lip.

Fractured my finger in 6 places tripping over the quilt cover that was overhanging the bed. Ended up with a metal pin put in it and plaster-cast up to my elbow for 8 weeks!

Punched myself in the face today when the brush I was vigorously brushing my garden path with cake to bits. Almost cried

I sliced the entire top of my finger off having taken the guard off the mandolin to make really thin potatoes (while watching TV). Curse the Saturday supplement food magazines that made it a good idea. Actually first time got through a&e quickly as it needed reattaching. DD still claims I complained too much and we haven't quite got the blood splatter out of the ceiling.

Dislocated my knee jumping around to mr motivater when I was 13 . Was so embarrassed by it that I dragged myself to the bottom of the stairs to make it look like I'd fallen