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Original poster

Your most ridiculous household related injuries please...

174 replies

FurCoatNoSnickers · 05/07/2019 16:45

I speak as a person who has ripped her half thumb nail off emptying a washing machine and earlier on I was dancing to very loud music whilst emptying the dishwasher (neglecting to see how much water had dropped on the floor)

Feet went east and west causing me to do the weirdest box splits and land with the cutlery tray right on my nethers-

I’m currently sat on the sofa with an ice pack feeling like one of those men who goes to A&E with a hoover stuck to their cocks.Blush

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 06/07/2019 00:52

Getting into my car on a busy road when a car came racing towards me. Decided to wait until it passed before fully opening my door and sort of pushed it almost shut while leaning on it. Unfortunately my left tit had already entered the car while the rest of me was still outside. The pain as I shut it in the door was awful. Didn’t know whether to cry or throw up. The bruise was spectacular. I had a black and blue tit. So impressive I had to keep showing it to people just for the shock value and to hear them gasp in horror. 😂

QuestionableMouse · 06/07/2019 00:55

Oh God mine is pretty embarrassing.

A few Christmases ago I was helping my parents bring the decorations downstairs. I was carrying a big underbed storage box and couldn't see the stairs.

My dad, who is lovely and very helpful, asked if I was okay.

I had the nark for some reason and snapped at him that I was fine. You've guessed it, two seconds later I was on my arse at the bottom of the stairs, having fallen over a bag on said stairs. Said bag belonged to me, and my dad had offered to shift it while I was on the way upstairs.

I broke my foot in two places, sprained the knee on the other leg, was black and blue all over for weeks and ruined Christmas by breaking the head off the Jesus figurine for the nativity. 😂😂😂

My mam still likes to bring up the Christmas that I killed jesus.

girlintheglass · 06/07/2019 00:59

Picked up a snow globe and it smashed in my hand cut the top off finger and a slice of thumb

minesanespresso · 06/07/2019 01:14

Squirted superglue in my eyes whilst sticking a cupboard handle together. Eye lashes stuck together. Instinctively put hands to face & stuck fingers to face! Managed to pull fingers off face but had red marks where I pulled the skin off & had to have eye lashes cut off. Ended up with an ulcerated cornea. I’m super careful with superglue now.....

sweetkitty · 06/07/2019 02:04

Recently fractured my sternum by falling on an ornament on my coffee table. I was pushing coffee table back to where it belongs after mopping the floor. It was so painful I could hardly breathe, had to tests to see if my heart was damaged as usually it’s a steering wheel/crash injury.

HerRoyalNotness · 06/07/2019 02:12

I was putting together a playhouse tent with steel supports for DD2s first birthday while DH was in bed pretending to be asleep and a bastard pole slipped and cracked into my finger. There was a bruise and it was agony for a week above my nail which is now 3.5mths later growing down my nail With a new nail underneath. I keep wearing a plaster so the bastard thing doesn’t get ripped off.

To add insult to injury, the canopy was too small for the frame so I had to repack it and return for a new one Angry

HerRoyalNotness · 06/07/2019 02:23

@IDontDrinkTea GrinGrin you must have been gutted!

sueelleker · 06/07/2019 08:38

Cherrysoup
You're not having seizures are you? My husband has them, and I sometimes find him on the floor.

ItsClemFandangoCanYouHearMe · 06/07/2019 09:44

I was rushing to pack a bag for my wedding and broke my toe on the door frame. It bent one way and I kept going! It was the middle one too so no idea how or I managed that, or how I wore heels two days later with the blackest toe you've ever seen Blush

Shannith · 06/07/2019 10:42

Grin at Danerys the Unburnt Finger

SheWoreRedVelvet · 06/07/2019 10:48

My Mum always throws the quilt back over the footboard to air the bed in the morning. For some reason one day she forgot the headboard was there and bent over the end of the bed to make it, and severely chopped her throat on it. She had a bruised larynx and voice box and a very husky voice for weeks.

Another time, she was making trifle for a family party when my Dad came in to ask her opinion on his party outfit. Whilst looking him over she absentmindedly shook the large carton of cream she was holding, forgetting she'd already taken the lid off, and covered my Dad in single cream from head to toe. He needed another outfit.

Sn0tnose · 06/07/2019 10:48

Just got out of the bath and I was standing with one foot on the toilet seat while I was gingerly drying between my two broken toes (having done the splits going down the stairs several days earlier). I overbalanced, pirouetted and landed back in the bath but sideways, so ankles right up in the air and thumb & forefinger pointing in a direction they did not normally point in.

It hurt too much to put any weight on the still badly bruised foot and now I couldn’t bear to touch my hand, so DH had to swivel me round so I could roll over onto my front and he could lift me onto my knees and help me out that way. Not helped by the fact that I’d left the bath quite slippery from bath oil. It was not my most elegant moment.

DieCryHate · 06/07/2019 11:03

My husband sliced his big toe open in the middle of the night. It was my fault; window had been open, wind blew a vase off the ledge onto the floor in our bedroom and I didn't do a very good job of checking for broken glass then forgot to tell him. There's still a blood stain in the carpet on his side of the bed.

I walked into the edge of the kitchen cupboard last month. I had an egg followed by a blue bruise on my hairline. It was so painful I dropped to the floor. The dog looked at me like I was mad.

I ripped off my nail trying to open some stupid new make up case

I tore ligaments falling out of bed as my leg gave way

I had a large cactus fall back onto me when I was moving it and it embedded in my top/bra and the inside of my arm. That wasn't nice

CodLiverOil556 · 06/07/2019 14:48

This bruise is from a mop which fell out of the cupboard when I opened the door and walked right into it!

H2OH20Everywhere · 06/07/2019 18:44

@millimat - the rabbit was fine, don't worry! (She wasn't in my arms but out in the garden. I'd gone to chase her into her run.)

Owlish · 06/07/2019 20:10

Nearly forgot this one: if you ever knock a cactus off a windowsill, don't try and put your hand out to catch the spiky bastard. I was picking spines out of my hand for days Angry

Frith2013 · 06/07/2019 20:20

Walked across my bedroom floor and caught my (neat and short) big toe nail between 2 of the floorboards and wrenched the bugger almost completely off.

Jumped down from a chair (was painting the ceiling) and somehow managed to catch my knee between 2 of the bunk bed steps. My knee stayed about 1.5 metres in the air, trapped, but the rest of me kept going. Had to lie on the floor in a half faint for an hour after that. No after effects beyond the next day!

PotterHead1985 · 06/07/2019 20:59

I have many many more I'll post later. But for now.

Earlier I was trying to work out and make a list of what dishes and pans I needed to cook the dinner. I looked to the right - open plan kitchen and living room - literally just turned my head to the right, and have pulled the muscle all down the inside - between it and my spine - of my left shoulder blade. I cannot breath right now with the pain!!!

Letsnotargue · 06/07/2019 21:14

I burned my face while emptying the dishwasher and making a cup of tea at the same time. I put the boiling water in the mug, while it was brewing I emptied the dishwasher. I put a glass into the cupboard and there was a clatter and my face was burning but I had no idea why.

The glass had nudged an espresso cup out of the cupboard, which had landed exactly in the middle of my cup of tea, splashing really hot tea in my face but then disappearing below the surface. It took me ages to work out what had happened, after I’d tried and failed to get my whole face under the cold kitchen tap.

LittleWalnutTree · 06/07/2019 21:16

I have head-butted MIL's cooker hood on several occasions. She is considerably shorter than me and it was installed with her in mind Grin

Gave myself a black eye with the telephone. This was in the days when they had a cord. I was sitting in an armchair pinned down by several cats, and since this was a frequent occurrence, I had put the phone on the floor by the chair. It rang, I reached down to pick it up and the cord was tangled. Gave it a yank and it came free rather too quickly and I whacked myself in the eye with the handset.

Stuck a pencil in my lip when I was a kid, can't remember quite how, but the point broke off and left the lead embedded. It took about 20 years to dissolve.

I have also given myself tennis elbow from wallpaper-stripping too enthusiastically.

BeeFarseer · 06/07/2019 21:16

I'm not sure if this counts as a household injury, but I did it in the house, so...

I sneezed wrongly and damaged half of my throat. It's all swollen on one side and feels like I've got a lump there. I don't know how the fuck I did it. Blush

Letsnotargue · 06/07/2019 21:17

The dog looked at me like I was mad.

I love it when they do that. I slipped on the stairs and sailed down on my bum gathering carpet burns. When I landed in a crumpled heap at the Morton the dogs just looked over as if to say “what on Earth are you doing?” And then went back to sleep

Whathappenedtothelego · 06/07/2019 21:37

Drained boiling water from a saucepan of pasta all over my feet because I was in a hurry and started pouring when I was halfway across the room instead of at the sink

bobbybella · 06/07/2019 21:44

Came out of the bathroom after a lovely bath, floor was wet and the dog was lying outside the door, slipped, tripped over her and went head first towards into the wall of the narrow hallway, ripped my nose apart on the radiator and slammed my forehead into the wall. Spent a few hours in A&e where they maxfaxed my face back together, and I spent the evening vomiting as I had concussed myself. There were lots of raised eyebrows from the A&e staff when I tried to explain, in between throwing up, what had happened, and lots of accusatory looks directed at my partner, think they all thought he had beaten me up. Also lost some of the damage deposit on that flat as there was a dent in the wall where my head had made contact.

Prior to that, I dropped a laptop on my foot after tripping over the cable and the sharp corner bit nearly cut my big toe in half.

Prior to that, I bent down to pull my sock up and collided with the sharp edge of a portable heater. This was about ten years ago and I still have a scar on my eyebrow.

I am quite frankly amazed that I have survived into middle age.

Whathappenedtothelego · 06/07/2019 21:46

Striding briskly to put ironing board away, somehow got caught on cupboard door handle, got pulled up suddenly, fell over clutching ironing board, which was still caught in the handle so it wrenched the cupboard door off its hinges and somehow swept everything on the top shelf down on top of me.