DH smashed DS's phone

[thiscountryfan]

So yesterday I walked in to the mother of all rows between DH and DS (14).

DS was screaming and raging at DH for stamping on his phone and more than likely fatally damaging it. According to DH, he had discovered DS had been stealing his beers (not for the 1st time), then lied about it, then smirked in DH's face when busted. DH just lost his shit at that point and grabbed the phone (possibly the only item that DS cares about).

DH has since apologised to DS and accepts
It wasn't his finest hour but point blank refuses to pay for replacement/repair - saying he is sick of DS's selfish rude attitude of late and that he needs to learn a lesson.

I'm torn. I certainly don't agree with what DH did (and he knows it) but quite frankly DS has been so utterly horrendous and perhaps needs to
Understand that parents are human too.

Fucking wind up merchant

100% better your dad breaks a phone than some causes bodily damage to you.

100% better that your father didn't make you fear either of these things.

that's not 'just losing it', that's grabbing the chance to hurt and frighten your DC and feel good about it.

I can't imagine my dh ever behaving like that. Abusers tend to have a hard time when their kids get bigger.

The ds will tell his friends, they'll tell their parents. I wouldn't want my kid going over to a house where the dad stamps on phones.

Spot on, sgb

See also: Provocation in English law
In law, provocation is when a person is considered to have committed a criminal act partly because of a preceding set of events that might cause a reasonable person to lose self control. This makes them less morally culpable than if the act was premeditated (pre-planned) and done out of pure malice (malice aforethought).[1][2] It "affects the quality of the actor's state of mind as an indicator of moral blameworthiness".[1]

Provocation is often a mitigating factor in sentencing. It rarely serves as a legal defense, meaning it does not stop the defendant from being guilty of the crime. It may however, lead to a lesser punishment.

I feel genuinely sad at your desperate need to prove you are right mummy

You are literally scraping about looking to prove a 14 year old is to blame for an adults violence.

It's a bit embarrassing for you tbh.

No thanks scope rather enjoying just how narrow minded people get, and how they refuse to budge on a topic when even high courts disagree with them....

No thanks scope rather enjoying just how narrow minded people get, and how they refuse to budge on a topic when even high courts disagree with them....

Oh I'm sorry, I missed the bit Mumsnet took the thread through the high court

Not condoning violence doesn't make anyone small minded, just sensible.

But your refusing to acknowledge the part a person can have in inciting a person to violence ...
A common case put forward and a knowledged in domestic violence.

So my two questions to you are: how much violence do you allow in your home? And: what punishment should the Op’s husband get?

I don't allow any violence in my home. Have I ever flipped? Yes I have. Don't recall smashing things but I have chucked things like shoes when the kids have left them laying around despite being asked not to and I've fallen over them and hurt myself.

What punishment should the husband get? Well who administers punishments to adults? I guess if he has broken the law then the law will administer a punishment. Otherwise, there is no one who punishes adults is there?

@mummy2017 The courts get things really wrong.
Look at the case of the poor woman this week whose partner Sebastian Swamy was sentenced to just three years four months for stamping on her and causing permanent damage. Rapists and violent abusers walk free every day BECAUSE of the courts.

“But your refusing to acknowledge the part a person can have in inciting a person to violence ...
A common case put forward and a knowledged in domestic violence.

Sounds like victim blaming to me....

But your refusing to acknowledge the part a person can have in inciting a person to violence ...

I'm refusing to acknowledge anything you say now because it's all pish. I have spent a lot of time on this thread writing properly thought out responses to you but now I'm just not going to waste my time.

Leatherflamingle. 100% I agree the law was wrong in the case you speak of.
But while I can admit the dad was wrong to break the phone. Even the dad days that...
I find people can not admit the son had a part in an arguement that lead to the phone getting broken, that the son caused the arguement by his actions.. thus causing the dad to react...

Why are you all portraying this 14 year of as a wide eyed innocent who can do no wrong? Some 14 year olds are little shits, some are violent thugs, some are hardened criminals. You don't know what this particular 14 year old is like. Hopefully being taken down a peg or two might keep him on the straight and narrow and prevent him going off the rails (unlike the toe rags that are currently terrorising out town by mugging school kids at knife point on a daily basis)

@mummy2017 I wouldn’t be interested in the dad being remorseful unless it was public. They’re all remorseful at home. They have to be.

Why are you all portraying this 14 year of as a wide eyed innocent who can do no wrong?

Zero people on the thread have done this. Everyone has acknowledged that she was in the wrong. A little shit even. None of that makes what the father did acceptable.

*he

Totally being a little shit.
Pushed all the buttons.
Deserves definite sanctions in his own best interest.
But smashing his phone? Really bad.

But it does provide the reason and set the stage for why it happened....

Leatherflamingle. Thank you...
For admitting the son is culpable....
No the dad should not have broken the phone. He regrets it...

We all know why it happened .
It’s that old line
‘He /she provoked me’
The favourite of everyone accused of violent crime.
My god if we could all go out smashing up things that belonged to people that provoke us!
And get away with it!
If the dad did this to a traffic warden or a gp receptionist he’d be in big trouble. Rightly so too

@mummy2017
I didn’t say that and you know it.
I am trying to illustrate to you that
it doesn’t matter how much teenagers press our buttons, as parents we simply can’t respond with violence. Ever.
I am completely disgusted by this man and also by you.
I have had my phone, my clothes, my sentimental treasures destroyed by a man who’d never done anything like that before. He went on to do far worse . You make me fucking sick actually.
You’re an enabling apologist for violent abusers and you are the reason perpetrators like the bastard in the case above walk free.

@Leatherflamingle

Yes. 100%

I'm stunned that posted tried to make your comment an agreement with them! Just another example of idiocy. Don't know why I'm surprised!