DH smashed DS's phone

[thiscountryfan]

So yesterday I walked in to the mother of all rows between DH and DS (14).

DS was screaming and raging at DH for stamping on his phone and more than likely fatally damaging it. According to DH, he had discovered DS had been stealing his beers (not for the 1st time), then lied about it, then smirked in DH's face when busted. DH just lost his shit at that point and grabbed the phone (possibly the only item that DS cares about).

DH has since apologised to DS and accepts
It wasn't his finest hour but point blank refuses to pay for replacement/repair - saying he is sick of DS's selfish rude attitude of late and that he needs to learn a lesson.

I'm torn. I certainly don't agree with what DH did (and he knows it) but quite frankly DS has been so utterly horrendous and perhaps needs to
Understand that parents are human too.

Why is smashing something worse than shouting? Worse than confiscating the phone? Worse than removing other prized possessions?

There was an episode of Broadchurch where Olivia Coleman's character smashes her son's phone because he's been watching porn on it - it didn't look like an abusive act when you watched it.

“Why is smashing something worse than shouting? Worse than confiscating the phone? Worse than removing other prized possessions?

You are being disingenuous.

@mummmy2017

One day when you make an error in judgement in the heat of anger, I hope someone with more sympathy than you is your judge

I wish you the same in relation to any mistakes you make. Shame that the father didn't have the same sympathy towards his own son.

Why do you wish sympathy on the father, an adult and in charge, but not the son, still a teenager and learning?

Technically the dad claimed back a phone he was paying for and smashed his own property, so it was no longer available for DS to use..

I sympathize with the father because the child stole, lied to his dad's face, has done this many times and was out right smirking as he though he could do as he wished with no consequence....

Cleaning mud of a small child was seen as the child as smacking.

But surely that’s a good thing - that child didn’t know what smacking was. My children would be the same, they wouldn’t have a clue what ‘being smacked’ meant. Could you say the same about your children?

What is an acceptable level of violence to have in a family?

I would sympathise with the father being angry. This is about him losing it to the extent he stamped on and smashed a phone.

You are being disingenuous.

I'm really not. Many actions could be interpreted as being aggressive - it would depend on who's doing it, in what context, my relationship with the person etc.

Why do you wish sympathy on the father, an adult and in charge, but not the son, still a teenager and learning?

Because, as far as we know, this was a first time for the dad doing it but it was repeated behaviour for the son. So clearly he hasn't learnt from whatever previous sanctions he received so he can't really be shocked that it has escalated.

And just how far does a child have to go to make a patent do that.
The mum did say both were facing off In the argument, however the dad did not hit the boy, he took the phone and smashed it...

I've worked with small children for many years. We never smash things up as discipline. The only ones who smash things up where they're cross are the kids themselves.

And just how far does a child have to go to make a patent do that.

You have a serious kick of understanding.

The child is not responsible for the adults behaviour. Ever.

*lack

There are no circumstance in which it is OK for a parent to stamp on a mobile phone and smash it. Absolutely none.

What is an acceptable level of violence to have in a family?

I really am asking this, I’d love to know.

Even the dad agrees he should not have smashed it...
But the son was clearly not scared of his dad...
The son was lying to his dad..
Why can't you see there are REASONS why this happened .

This is not black and white.

Ever the police would be more understanding than you lot.....

Even the dad agrees he should not have smashed it...

But is not replacing the phone, is he?

It’s been said many many times but here goes again: no-one pushes someone else into acts of violence.
The father chose to react in that way.
#teamDHneedsangermanagement

If no one pushes anyone else into violence care to explain the violent exs now dead where the judge let the partner walk free..

Hahahahha
That was finished responsibility after years of coercion
It isn’t even slightly comparable to being wound up by your 14 year old.

Diminished

In court this dad would not be charged as the sons actions would be taken into account....shades of gray.

“Why can't you see there are REASONS why this happened”

Of course there are reasons. But as I say to my children, an explanation is not the same as an excuse.

@mummmy2017 If the phone had been the OP’s, not the ds’s and she had said something that made him angry, would you think it was OK for him to smash it?

If as suggested the DH was a quiet man who had found his wife out in lies and stealing , and she was in his face lying and laughing at him, then he smashed her phone .
I would say he was an abused man in an abusive relation, and while he should not have broken the phone I could see why.